The Pain from an Old Wound

Mbaraka Mwinshehe. PHOTO | Daily Nation.

 
In September this year, my neighbor lost her grandson.
I was called over to her smokey, traditional kitchen just after 8 A.M. where I found her three sons and her nephew taking tea. Immediately I walked in, and following the usual countryside pleasantries, I was offered a steaming cup of 'ndubia'. After all, this is in line with 'kikuyu' culture, where "ng'aragu ndihoyagwo uhoro."

"I've just asked Muchiri to call you because we've been met with some sad news." Mama Kimani started. I saw her pause to wipe a tear from her eye, and she then proceeded: "I bet you do know Gitau, whose mother we buried just a few years ago and whose son we buried the other day?"

"Yes I do." was my reply.

"Well, Gitau is no more. Someone please tell me, why do I have to bury my daughter, my great grandson and now my grandson all within a decade?" She asked, and broke down in painful sobs.

Her sons and I, other than incessant appeals for her to hold it together and be strong, had nothing to say. It was painful for us all, given that Gitau had died following a short illness at only 35.
At an age when life hasn't even started for a significant majority.

That incidence really got me thinking.

* * *


I am a great fan of Malcolm Gladwell and have taken time to read almost all his longform articles in the New Yorker and Slate.
Much as Peter Thiel would rather someone convinces Gladwell to change his theories, I remain a fan.

In the last three years, I've avidly taken time to listen to Gladwell's 'Revisionist History' podcast. It involves a second, closer, more careful look at past events that were either misunderstood, ignored or failed to get due attention. In Gladwell's words, "sometimes, the past deserves a second chance."

There are two podcast episodes that resonate very well with this particular post:
One is 'The Big Man Can't Shoot' and the other 'Hallelujah,' both from Season 1.

In 'The Big Man Can't Shoot,' Malcolm looks back at the unconventional, underhanded shooting skill of Wilt Chamberlain. The premise of the episode is something Gladwell had covered back in the New Yorker, in an article on Thresholds of Violence. One take away from both the article and podcast episode is how and why we change from what is clearly working, to what doesn't produce the best results only because it happens to be what's popular and acceptable.
Creativity and what happens when it takes time to fully manifest itself is what 'Hallelujah' is about. This particular episode reprises Gladwell's message in his 'Late Bloomers' article in the New Yorker, where he asks: "Why do we equate genius with precocity?"


When I look back at people that were well known to me but passed on at an age many of us consider the prime of one's life, I cannot help wondering if what they had already achieved at the time of death was commensurate with their potential.
Or more important, and sadly: What if they hadn't even begun to exploit their potential?

For the purposes of this post, I have in mind several of my High School and University classmates who all died in their late 20s and early 30s. Sospeter Juma died soon after we sat our KCSE examinations. Daniel Gitau Muigai passed on well before his Engineering career path took shape following graduation at JKUAT.
Whilst Frederick Onkoba (read how I eulogized Fred here: ) died a Medical Doctor and Martin Njuma a pilot, I still think it was all too early in their chosen career fields to say they had really done much professionally.
What if the true genius of these guys was not already established as Pablo Picasso's was at an early age, but barely just taking shape as Cezanne's?

And here's something that might shock you, if only to illustrate just how transient life is: Mbaraka Mwinshehe died at the age of only 34.

* * *

The Pointer Sisters are known for great songs that were produced several decades ago. Among these are 'Automatic,' 'Should I do it?' and 'I'm so Excited.'
In August 1996, someplace in Limuru as I whiled time away over school holidays, I got to first listen to 'Slow Hand' by The Pointer Sisters. The song was on heavy rotation, part of a handful of songs on a new FM radio station that was conducting test transmissions in Nairobi and its environs. Here is a jingle at that station that plays to this day:

"The guarantee: The Best Music of Music,
The frequency: 98.4,
The station: Capital FM."

I often look back during deeply nostalgic moments that crowd my often solitary life. And unlike a significant number whose past is inundated by things they'd rather forget, mine is both vivid and filled with happy thoughts.

I have surprisingly clear memories of things, people and situations that I encountered in the past decade. Even two decades. Which is a blessing, given that a significant part of my current writing demands an accurate recollection of days, years and decades past.

Meanwhile, have you ever wondered how it would feel to go back to witness, at your current age and understanding, your past life? Would you enjoy the life and let it be or there would be much to adjust?
In the 'Walking Distance' episode of The Twilight Zone, an advertising man gets an opportunity to do just that - Martin finds himself back in his childhood and gets to meet his parents, walks around in his neighborhood and engages with people from his past.

A Walking Distance has interesting parallels with the one scene in TV that best captures the essence of nostalgia. This is The Carousel pitch in Madmen's last episode of season one. Here is Don Draper pitching to Kodak executives:




The way I see it, our past is much closer than a walking distance.
I personally feel this irresistible, gnawing urge to go back occasionally and reminisce. Good thing is, we share a good number of these memories with you. Yes, we do, even in instances where we didn't interact directly.

* * *


I shall be writing my High School and University memoirs in coming days.
For those that I occasionally interact with, particularly on WhatsApp and Facebook, I'll be publishing exclusive write-ups and you can read them all here.

But worry not, having not schooled with me doesn't exclude you looking back in time with me. There is so much else to share from this eventful life we get to live at the rate of 86,400 seconds per day. Each day. Every day.

So keep it here. You definitely wanna be around when I get the next twinge in my heart. And even better, it's all available in our Complit Weekly Tales. Become a member today and you'll never miss out!

I shall do anything... Anything, but what it takes.

Note: This is the first post in our new, exciting #WalkaboutWednesday series.

40 days from today, the year 2018 will come to an end.
Amid the festivities that will take a large part of December, the holidays will thankfully, present an opportunity to look back in retrospection at the past 11 months of this year.

For many, it will go something like this:

I know a man who's been doing some thinking
He's as bitter and cold as the whiskey he's drinking
He's talking 'bout fear, about chances not taken
If you listen to him you can hear his heart breaking
He says "One day you're a boy and the next day you're dead
I wish way back when someone had said..."
- Carolyn Arends, Seize the Day.

Speaking of seizing the day, I have realized that looking back in a bid to find out where we go off the rails isn't as important as looking within (introspection).

For some weeks now, I have been watching a number of TV shows on YouTube that highlight morbid obesity, particularly in the USA and Britain.
In almost all cases, the patients seem very determined to lose weight once they are confronted with the truth about their continued obesity: the risk of heart attack, strokes, diabetes and obviously, an early death.

But as happens in many life situations, the comfort and compelling craving for unhealthy foods and a sedentary lifestyle does overcome that resolve to regain good health.
I have always wondered why someone who repeatedly says "I'll do anything to lose weight..." is just a few days later caught eating unhealthy food.

It was while reading the Personal Stories of people who lost nearly all [PDF, 367KB] thanks to alcoholism that I stumbled upon a hidden truth:

Many people are honestly willing to do anything it takes to effect change. Anything, except what it actually takes.

Consider the following from my favorite story in the A.A. Big Book - Safe Haven:

For starters, the featured A.A. found that the process of discovering who he really was began with knowing who he didn't want to become.

Thanks to not being genuinely willing to do what it took to sober up, he later finds himself in prison for a lengthy, 20 year long sentence, a situation that is both traumatic, humbling and sobering. The beauty of being in prison is that it gives him a second chance at life.

All in all, he realizes he now has both his sanity back and an all-round sense of balance. He is now willing to listen and take suggestions. Much as he cannot go back and make a brand-new start at life, he is in a position to start now and make a brand-new end.

Finally, there is a valuable life lesson in here:
That the power to overcome (in this case the A.A. program and the 12 steps) is much like the power of an airborne airplane - it only works when the pilot is doing the right things to make it work.

* * *

As 2018 comes to a close, it is important to look back at what we were able to achieve and be thankful. For the goals that were not met, it is time to identify what went wrong by conducting a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves.

As for the aspirations we have in 2019 and beyond, it is worth noting that it will take much more than resolve and a strong will.
Nothing will be achieved unless we actually do what it takes.


* * *

There is no better time to effect change or get things done like now. And even better, right now. "But where do I start?"  you wonder. Well, how about here?
Go right ahead and seize the day.

What I've learnt in 2017

Finally, it's December 31, 2017. 

Probably the best day to look back at a year that's coming to an end in a matter of hours.
And look back I shall.

The Social Contract

In Kenya, 2017 is the year we got an excessive dose of politics. For the record, I am apolitical and with all things considered, I'd be remiss in failing to state the following:

All the shenanigans Kenyans experienced, and worse, got caught up in, were only for the benefit of the politicians themselves their family and friends.
The ordinary Kenyan was just a pawn, a dispensable means to an end.

Come January 2018, politicians will retreat to their mansions, high office and businesses.

The ordinary Kenyan will have to navigate a high cost of living. I can say with certainty that the price of maize flour, which has for months been subsidized at Ksh 90 for a 2kg packet, will revert to (obviously higher) market rates.

In essence, the ruling class has now got what they wanted and it's time for the taxpayers to doing what we do best - work.

Blame it on the Weatherman

Political hooey aside, 2017 was a year marked with really challenging weather conditions. The rains were below average and came in late. Crops failed. Animals died. Some areas in Kenya had it so bad they had to be given relief food.

Know Thyself

A fundamental aspect of The Walkabout is self discovery, the other two being insight and inspiration.

The very first thing I've learnt about myself is that I am deeply flawed. Thankfully, mine are not fundamental flaws.

And I must point out that this is not a lame attempt at self-deprecating humor.

My frailties notwithstanding, I continue to ameliorate. Admittedly, I am in repair. Not together, but invariably getting there.

Listening to Daniel Kahneman's Desert Island Discs, the following gem stood out from the many others he shared with Kirsty Young:

"People see others much more clearly than they see themselves."

For this reason, I've opted to focus more on gaining a better understanding of myself.
For a long time, I've willfully succumbed to a confirmation bias that has often clouded my rational judgment and ended up making choices I don't understand well.

I purpose to make significant improvements in my thought process and increase the efficiency of my rational decision maker.

Reading the following three books will be of much help:

1. Critical Thinking: Tools for taking charge of your professional and personal life by Richard Paul and Linda Elder.
2. The Person and the Situation by Lee Ross and Richard Nisbett.
3. Good to Great by Jim Collins.

Having recently read the first and third books above, they are worthy reads. I've already started reading the second one and it is a very good book.

Finally, I look back at how little I blogged here. Not that I was so busy or lacked content and ideas in my overactive mind or my eventful life. The reason is that I happened to one day do a fearless and searching moral inventory of my life and realized I was almost living the life of a sign-post.

It became evident I wasn't living up to the very things I spoke and wrote about, and decided to take a break until such a time that there would be more order and congruent purpose in my life.

By the look of things, we're now good to go as we say goodbye to 2017.
In view of the foregoing, all is well that ends well and we can face the future with confidence.

* * *

In just a few hours, a new year will be upon us.
As 2017 becomes an indelible part of our shadow days, what plans do you have for 2018, starting today?