One Reason to Leave, Many Reasons to Stay

Human Relationships

Recently, I took time to think about human relationships - how fickle and frail they can be, and how encompassing and enduring they can also be.
It is interesting that all it takes for many relationships to end is just one mistake, one error in judgment. One reason is often too many, and usually enough for either or both parties to walk. At times, to go ahead and add their voice to WhyILeft.

Just about the same time, I watched a movie that reminded me of a discussion on last week's Weekend on BBC World Service that dwelt on theWhyIStayed hashtag on Twitter.

To Leave or to Stay?

That said, when does it become untenable to stay? And when is there reason enough to simply leave?
And more important, what would make one stay, when leaving is the most obvious option?

In all fairness, we have on several occasions written about leaving on this blog: Here, here and here. And most recently, here.

The Many Reasons to Stay

Coincidentally, I watched The Vow only last week.
Inspired by a true event, it is the story of a young couple - Leo and Paige, whose lives were ruined in a single moment of passion that was cut short by a traffic accident.

A truck hits Leo's car as he kisses his wife (who has since unbuckled her seat belt) and both of them are hospitalized, with Paige being in a medically induced comma due to her head injury.

When she awakens, Paige has lost most of her memories, especially everything about Leo who now is an imposing stranger in her life.
The rest of the movie is largely Leo's travail as he tries to win Paige back.

Anyways, the part that I found quite profound, and that is at the core of this post, is where Paige's mother tells her daughter why she still stayed even after discovering that Paige's father was cheating on her. And not just with any other woman, but with Paige's friend.




To Leave or to Stay

Many times, we hold people to very high standards, thus unwittingly setting ourselves up for great disappointments when these people do not live up to our expectations.
The resulting ire is often enough to make us forget all the good before it.

Should this be the case?

Depending on the situation, I submit that particular circumstances call for specific considerations. It also depends to a great extent, on the person(s) involved.
Do you often find it easier to leave or to stay?

Free at Last, Free at Last

Yesterday, I let go. And it feels good!

For the last couple of months, I have committed a great deal of precious time and substantial resources on what has now turned out to be a wild goose chase. In essence, I did find out only yesterday that the juice was no longer worth the squeeze in this particular situation. And hasn't been for many days, only that I wasn't aware.

At a time when I remain quite unwilling to countenance the shenanigans of a busy-body, I did the difficult, yet worthwhile thing - to quit while still ahead.
Interestingly, my new-found freedom obviates the need to get involved in some half-hearted commitments in the name of fulfilling societal expectations.

Letting Go, Cleaning the House and Moving On

That done, I must confess I took one long look back at what was, and immediately embarked on what is, inspired by the following words from Paulo Coelho's The Zahir:

...there are always some stories that are 'interrupted,' and they are the stories that remain nearest to the surface and so still occupy the present; only when we close that story or chapter can we begin the next one...

That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose.People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.

Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life.

Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

Admittedly, the feeling one gets is akin to what Andy Dufresne felt when he left Shawshank..

Freedom Songs 

From the song Free by 1NC,  I too, am now free to lift my hands, smile again, live and not die.. and much more.



And here's yet another song about freedom by George Michael.. go figure.



Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!

To Remember, and to Let Go

Note: A similar post was published on The Walkabout back in April 2011.

The Afterlife
I've just watched, for the umpteenth time, the Jack and Christian Shephard afterlife church scene in the LOST finale.

Looking inside his father's empty coffin, Jack is surprised when his father, standing nearby, speaks to him.

Well knowing that Christian already died, Jack asks his father how he is there. Christian also asks Jack how he is there as well, and it dawns on Jack that he died too.

When Jack eventually asks where they are, his father tells him that they are in a place that all the losties made together so that they would find one another.

I find what Christian says next to be both a profound and defining revelation in the entire LOST TV series.

The most important part of your life, was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone Jack. You needed all of them, and they needed you.

To remember, and to let go.

Watch the video below:



Every so often, we find ourselves in a situation where we have to look back at people and things that made us who we are today.
Whether the past is marked by fond memories or bitter ones, moments to cherish, enduring scars, lingering doubts, uncalled for pain or traumatic recollections... whatever it be, there are always lessons to learn and move on.

The biggest attendant risk in such a defining moment is to try clean your hands in dirty water.

I recently had one of these situations where I simply remembered everything about a certain person. Yeah, it was not easy dealings with the ever present feelings of loss when one lets go.

I however was finally able, thanks to a great deal of effort, to cut loose. I closed the door, changed the record, cleaned the house and got rid of the dust. I let go and moved on.
Additionally, I've had to let go of a project I have been excited about since 2010. I realized that in going on with it, I would do more harm than good to my schedule. I may eventually work on it when the timing is right and all attendant factors are favorable. 

It was only then that I stopped being who I was and became who I am.

Letting Go and Moving On in 2011

"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."

- Steve Jobs

The new year is now upon us and with it comes many hopes and promises. We do have great expectations of what to accomplish this year before 2012 says hello. Driven by resolutions, many of us have already started doing the needful towards that end.

Looking back however, you may have been trying to make some changes in life or to attain your mandate in line with some set objectives, but failed to do so within the specified time.

Despite this devastating inability to achieve, you can still welcome 2011 without fear, regret and guilt the same way we welcomed 2010.
Additionally, the unexpected occurrences that made you look at the past year differently may as well be what ultimately changes your life.

Consider the following song titled "Hopeless" by Farris Dionne:


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Should you feel hopeless in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds this year, remember that you can refuse to stay around or even take with you, a past that no longer does you right.

It no longer matters how badly you have failed in the past, how hopeless and worthless others perceive you, all the can change for better.