Reflections as I turn A Year Older

 

In today's Weekend Walkabout, we take a closer look at Happiness.
I am turning a year older and it won't be long before I say goodbye to the 30s. It makes sense to look both within and without at the things that either occasion or obstruct happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives.


That said, let's get right into it.

* * *

Does happiness really come from within or without?

There is a very interesting quote by Hellen Keller that I often come across:

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.

The appeal of saying happiness comes from within is overwhelming since it is a statement of personal responsibility and empowerment. This means that should you not feel happy,, you are in a position to do something about it. And by extension, you cannot go around blaming others for your lack of happiness.

In his book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt dedicates Chapter 5 (The Pursuit of Happiness) to this particular question.
The long-held notion that we cannot seek happiness in external things, or that external conditions don't affect our levels of happiness has since been challenged.

According to Haidt, happiness comes from between.

It is not something you can find, acquire or achieve directly. For happiness to happen, you just have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of these conditions are within you. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you. 

Haidt's explanation revolves around purpose and the meaning of life, which emerge once a person gets these conditions right.


* * *

And speaking of levels of happiness, is there a limit to how much one can be happy in this life?
It is funny that despite various attempts at chasing happiness, a majority are likely to spend an entire lifetime oscillating around a seemingly pre-set level of happiness.

By extension, personal income levels have little impact on an average person's happiness. And of course, money will not buy a person happiness.
What this boils down to is that once your basic needs are satisfied, chasing more money, fame, power, sex or beauty will not lead to a happier life.


* * * 

It is true life isn't a simple matter of proclaiming "I won't worry, I'll be happy." But we can at least agree that happiness becomes very elusive when we spend so much time and energy chasing it. It however, follows us when we focus on doing the things that matter and add value in life.
Doing such things makes us happy.

Enjoying the Journey, not just the Destination

At what point do you derive the most joy in your endeavors? Is it at the beginning, along the way as you progress or upon completion?
Depending on your answer above, today's post is especially for you. So join me and read on...

The word success does have many definitions, be it from a business, spiritual, societal or any other stand point. My favorite goes something like this:

Success is waking up every morning, whoever you are, however old or young, and bounding out of bed because there's something out there that you love to do. Something you're good at. And you can wait to get at it again today.

In this post, success is defined thus:

Success is not all about being in the right place at the right time, rather being at the right place enough times.

For me, success is deep. personal fulfillment in the process of or upon realization of specific set objectives. It is not an end in itself. One should feel good be it half-way of at any stage before completion. This will in most cases be possible if continuous inventory is being taken.

That way, success will not be an end in itself. Neither is it a process. It keeps happening as a necessary part of a process towards fulfillment.

John Mayer in his song 'In Repair' talks about being "not together but heading there."

Watch the video below:

Methinks we often limit ourselves and so deny ourselves the joy of acknowledging and appreciating progress and achievement when we:

1. only feel successful upon completion, and not before or anywhere near finishing, of specific tasks.
2. compare ourselves overtly with others, and thus neglect to acknowledge achievement that are commensurate with our individual circumstances.
3. peg success and achievement on the basis of predefined metrics, thanks to what has been done before. Think in terms of breaking records and super-ceding others.

At the end of every single day, I look back and ask myself if I have progressed in some small way. If I have made something better, not just for me but for others as well.

Such small positive differences are in my opinion what the following words were predicated on.

In sum, do you enjoy the journey or derive your greatest satisfaction and sense of fulfillment upon reaching your destination?

Find What's Lost. Stop Looking.

Yesterday, I was on phone with someone amazing. We got talking about many things, and at some point during that conversation, I thought about the satisfaction of finding what has all along been lost.

There's this post about chasing happiness where we concluded that it's more important to get on with life, doing what is required of us, and purposing to add value both in our lives and those of others instead of engaging in an elusive pursuit of "happiness".

Worthless Pursuits
Otherwise, we may end up like dogs chasing their tails...

However, it is interesting to note that many, if not all things, are found only when we stop looking.

Happiness, Satisfaction & Fulfillment
In this priceless Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness document that I keep referencing in my posts, we are urged to

abandon a foolish quest for the ephemeral rewards of happiness, wealth and power, [and thereby] begin to look for our true calling on earth...

Furthermore, there is a very clear difference between happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment. Happiness may be transient, satisfaction may be seasonal, but fulfillment is enduring.

Stop Looking 
An understanding of what can and does get found when we stop looking invariably obviates the need to actively seek short-time pleasures that ultimately cost us in the long run.

We need to reorder our priorities, delay gratification, set long term objectives and engage in worthwhile, enduring pursuits that will end in fulfillment.
Regardless of how long it may take, we finally find whatever we seek. Sometimes, in other people... as Longfellow did:

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow