When she first woke up that Tuesday morning, made the day's plans and proceeded to go about her work, she had no idea she wouldn't see the end of that day.
This song by Nickelback has some pretty deep lyrics. Here's the first few lines:
My best friend gave me the best advice He said each day's a gift and not a given right Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind And try to take the path less traveled by That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last?
As for 'Running Out of Days,' consider the following:
There's too much work and I'm spent There's too much pressure and I admit I got no time to move ahead Have you heard one thing that I've said And all these little things in life they all create this haze There's too many things to get done, and I'm running out of days And I can't last here for so long I feel this current it's so strong It gets me further down the line It gets me closer to the line
We are all running out of days and one day will turn out to be the last for each one of us.
But how does the end begin?
* * *
'The Tail End' is an interesting post on 'Wait But Why.' Tim Urban breaks down a person's lifetime into weeks and then days and it becomes increasingly clear that as far as death is concerned, each new day lived brings a person closer to the end of life at the rate of 86400 seconds every 24 hours.
Towards the end of the post is an interesting insight:
despite not being at the end of your life, you may very well be nearing
the end of your time with some of the most important people in your
life.
This sheds light on how we never really know when we do something or see someone for the very last time. An end is always beginning...
But this also applies to change. For something new to start, something old must come to an end. A change of habits involves dropping old ones and adopting new ones. One has to be bold and determined to break away from the allure of comfort zones.
On a personal level, I have been procrastinating writing certain books but it has got to a point where I elected to drop whatever distractions and excuses I have been using to not commit to my stated objectives.
Today marks the beginning of the end for interactions that are not worthwhile or don't add value, the beginning of the end for things I have needlessly held on to. It is when laziness, doubt, procrastination and negligence starts to end.
And for starters, you can see all this in action for yourself at 'Complit Weekly Tales.' where each week, I am posting exciting new stories from books I'm writing, including my High School and University memoirs.
* * *
We all know that when it is closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. So starting today, are you gonna walk a different road?
Back in June 2016, we published a post about understanding our choices. It prominently features content from The Matrix Reloaded movie, plus some highlights from BBC Radio's 'In Our Time' and a TED Talk by Barry Schwartz.
We live in a world where we are actively encouraged to make decisions. In fact, there is a psychology of choice, whose focus is making easier decisions.
* * *
We have revisited that post in view of the new 'Walkabout Weekly Digest' podcast from Complit Communications.
In the second episode of the podcast, we shall explore a better understanding of our choices and decisions. S01E02: Understanding Our Choices and Decisions will be available on Sunday, March 13.
* * *
Every once in a while, we get a chance to walk a different road, or to sing our own song. No matter how difficult or easy it is to make such decisions, it all starts with making that initial move...
There is a lot to say about expectations. Everyone seems to have an opinion. I'm about to tell you mine.
But first...
Did you know that starting this month, The Walkabout Weekly Digest podcast will be available on your favorite podcast app? Catch new episodes every Sunday starting March 06, 2022. For now, listen on Spotify to the Walkabout Weekly Digest trailer:
* * *
Lao Tzu will tell you to act without expectation. According to William Shakespeare, expectation is the root of all heartache. On the other hand, Sylvia Plath writes that if you expect nothing from somebody, you are never disappointed. But according to Sam Walton, high expectations are the key to everything. Eli Khamarov's take is that the best things in life are unexpected - because they were no expectations.
All this is very likely to get one quite confused!
* * *
So what is writer Mandy Hale's take?
When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.
If you think the above is interesting, this is what American author Louise Hay does:
I let go of all expectations. People, places and things are free to be themselves, and I am free to be me.
I find this fascinating.
* * *
On my birthday in July 2009, I wrote this post about expectations. The thing about life is that we cannot go about with zero expectations about anything. It is a human and natural thing to do. And whereas the expectation is just the beginning, it is the unexpected that changes our lives.
Earlier in oday's post, I indicated I'll share my opinion about expectations. Well, that is something I've elected to do in the first episode of the Walkabout Weekly Digest on Sunday, March 06. Not here, not now.
The only constant in life is change. You'll often find yourself going backwards and then forwards in this life. And that is no twisted logic. So much as things change, we all change as well...
Hello and happy new month... Yay! We're now onto the third month of March. 2021 was quite a year, inundated with challenges and a whole lot of things going on. But that we are now here means that we gainfully appropriated the opportunities the past 365 days presented.
2021 may be gone, but it is a year that we can look back at and build on as we aspire to even greater achievement.
* * *
The Walkabout started way back in March 2009 with this very first post. Inspired by this scene in the S04E11 episode of LOST titled 'Cabin Fever', it was and continues to be a journey of Insight, Inspiration and Self Discovery. That was more than a decade ago.
12 years later, we have elected to take a truly exciting, refreshing approach to this enduring journey. In addition to the delightful reads you've come to love on the blog, you'll now listen to a podcast from The Walkabout.
Welcome to Walkabout Weekly Digest
Yes. Beginning this month, we shall now present for your listening pleasure, a podcast that will in just a few minutes, distill much of what we usually post on The Walkabout.
In addition, the Walkabout Weekly Digest will feature additional content than would normally be included in a blog post. The first episode comes your way on Sunday, March 06 and we plan on releasing an episode every week thereafter.
Admittedly, there is a bit of a learning curve as we delve into this new multimedia world of podcasting, but we do have the courage to change. It makes no sense to keep on waiting on the word to change when we can learn on the job and still have an impact. We shall get better at it as we get along. In under a week from now, we hit the ground running and we won't stop believin'...
It is profoundly quiet in my house today, as I listen to my inner voice.
This past weekend was an unusually bad one. On both Saturday and Sunday, I put (won't say I found) myself in unfortunate situations that revealed I am a deeply flawed individual.
Whereas I'm not at liberty to divulge the intricate details of the weekend's going-ons, let it suffice to say that it was characterized by lapses in judgment that were not only regretful, but which unchecked, would have resulted in irreversible damage both for me and others present.
* * *
In the movie Crash (2004 film) police officer Sgt John Ryan tells his partner, Officer Tom Hansen:
"If you think you know who you are, you have no idea."
There are times in life when we find ourselves saying or doing things that shock even us. Not to excuse any bad manners, but I have always looked at such moments, no matter how poignant, as moments of clarity that are brought about by an inadvertent glimpse into what we are capable of thinking, saying or doing should we fall over the edge.
It is always an eye-opener that points to what wickedness stands to be awakened should we lose control.
Later on in Crash, Sgt Ryan rescues Christine Thayer when she gets stuck in a crashed car that's about to burn down. That act of compassion where he puts himself in great danger to save her life may not be enough to redeem himself given how he had wronged and humiliated her earlier. But the way I see it is that even the worst among us are not entirely bad or evil. Likewise, the really nice ones in our midst also do have frailties, some of which only get revealed in dire times when circumstances drastically change or other pressures become too much to bear.
But human nature is that once a good person does a really bad thing, we then define that person based entirely on that singularly bad act. This is something Malcolm Gladwell tries to address in Sn02E09 (The Road to Damascus) of the Revisionist History podcast.
The premise of this episode is if we can stop seeing a former terrorist as a terrorist after he has a change of heart.
* * *
We all seek to perfect our lives. When we fall down, we get up. And even when we cannot walk, we can and should still crawl or climb like an Ivy and make progress. And there is an enduring faith that making yet another attempt will hopefully make things better. That even when we lose now, we can make gains tomorrow. Maybe different gains. Maybe better gains.
All in all, my redeeming Grace is that I continue to be a work in progress. In repair. Not together, but getting there...
On August 31, I did the usual inventory of that particular month. And something came out clearly, in light of some of the online conversations I had either been party to or read across social networks:
How we view ourselves is disproportionately affected by how others see us.
In other words, how a great number of people today think of themselves is governed by either the impressions one hopes to make on others or dictated by what others say about you. And I feel that this need not be the case.
* * *
The One Last Thing documentary on PBS takes a closer look at the life and times of Apple co-founder and CEO Steve Jobs, who died in October 2011. Here is a clip that ties in with the central message in today's Wednesday Walkabout post:
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
* * *
The modern world, where a majority are making impressions with a 'fake it till you make it' attitude has meant that is is almost always a time to pretend. But someone beautiful need not feel unsexy and someone interesting need not feel boring...
Human beings have this incredibly irrational desire to have the final word.
Suppose you are let go of at the workplace.
Upon going to the premises, you quickly realize you're no longer invited nor allowed to access your (former) office. What would you do?
Would it make any sense to start shouting "I quit" at the gate?
Would it be any necessary, much less useful, to openly start expressing regret and saying how big a mistake and waste of your time it was to work in that particular company? Wouldn't it be much more important to try and find out what the situation actually is, without first putting yourself in it?
My point here is that when certain things don't go our way, particularly things we have emotionally invested in, we find it very hard to adjust to the abruptly altered reality.
This is something Malcolm Gladwell captures very well in his Preface in The Person and the Situation book by Lee Ross and Richard Nisbett. He writes:
When we perceive the actions and intentions of others, we tend to make mistakes. We see things that aren’t there and we make predictions that we ought not to make: we privilege the “person” and we discount the influence of the “situation.”
The obvious thing many of us fail to realize, being too blinded by emotion, is that life is made up of finite seasons. And what matters in the end is what one gets out of every season.
* * *
In the last week of last month, I sadly lost my sister. Between March 24 and March 28 when we buried her, I did put on a strong face and managed to get a lot of things done with minimal interruption. I guess this is because there was constant family support and daily communication with one another.
In fact, many people that I regularly talk to, particularly on chat, barely noticed a change.
Things, however, did change after Sunday, March 29. My mind got inundated with endless thoughts about her. It was quite a mix-up - at times nostalgia, other times past challenging times we have jointly faced, again it would be moments I cherish, and the ever present sadness that comes with asking: "Why Njeri, and not me?"
It was for this reason that I actually went quiet all of that week between Sunday, March 29 to Saturday, April 4, 2020. I just didn't want to talk, as I took time to internalize and come to terms with suddenly losing someone so close.
And a funny thing happened. Someone I had grown very fond of reached out on April 4, accusing me of ghosting and consequently saying (a very ironic) goodbye.
That singular act of making things that deviate from the realities we are used to all about oneself is what has inspired this post.
Another thing did happen, thanks to the insights and enlightenment I have so far been getting from some of the books I have been reading both in March and April.
Were it not for this, I would have mistaken that particular "friend" - who opted to walk away in a huff instead of actually asking what may be happening in my life - as being among people who are so full of themselves.
These are the people who always make it all about themselves, by throwing tantrums as spoilt brats do, and playing victim. Or in more vindictive situations, passing blame and unfairly accusing other persons.
* * *
Niccolo Machiavelli also intimated the following:
"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are."
One of the reasons we repeatedly engage in irrational behaviors is our innate tendency to view everything within the world in relationship to oneself. In other words, to be self-centered.
That is why we "act out" when we don't get our way. It is also why we contradict and deceive ourselves in countless ways. Writing in 'Critical Thinking: Tools for taking charge of your Professional and Personal Life,' Richard Paul and Linda Elder have put it in these words:
"We act inconsistently, ignore relevant evidence, jump to conclusions and say and believe things that don't make good sense.
We are self-destructive, petty and vindictive. We rationalize, project and stereotype.
Humans live with the unrealistic but confident sense that we have fundamentally figured out thet way things actually are, and that we have done this objectively."
All this happens because naturally, we do not appreciate the point of view of others or the limitations of our own point of view. This is all due to egocentric thinking, which we can only explicitly become aware of if specially trained to do so.
It's for this reason that Jonathan Haidt also shared in his book 'The Righteous Mind: How Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion' that we are a bunch of hypocrites so skilled at putting on a show of virtue, that we deceive even ourselves.
* * *
In sum, it is important to both acknowledge and counter the egocentric thinking that all too often predisposes us to use self-centered psychological standards to determine what to believe and what to reject.
Instead of depending so much on our intuitive perceptions, it would be helpful to engage intellectual standards in thinking. This can be achieved through self-understanding, becoming critics of our own thinking, being fair-minded and purposing to make intelligent decisions that are not always subjective i.e. centered around our selves.
Today's post is fairly disjointed. It is a random amalgamation of thoughts that I currently have. Thoughts that leave me inexplicably conflicted in he wake of the current Covid-19 virus that has occasioned a global lockdown and led to loss of life, particularly in Italy.
This past weekend, I spent Sunday afternoon watching 'Everest.' It is the tragic tale of a mountaineering disaster that occurred on May 10, 1996 on Mount Everest.
Lives were lost, including that of New Zealander Rob Hall, who headed Aventure Consultants.
It was then that I recalled a day on May 18, 2016, which was just over two decades since this disaster, I had bought 'The Climb.' This is a book co-authored by Anatoli Boukreev and G. Weston De Walt and it recounts tragic ambitions on Everest. Key among the factors that heralded this fatal disaster were crowded conditions, bad judgment and a bitter storm on the imposing mountain. Much as the expedition was fated for disaster, blind ambition was also to blame.
I am now reading 'The Climb' to better understand how these people vanished into thin air.
* * *
Since the Corona virus started getting out of hand, I have been trying my very best to focus on other things. I have a lovely pal who keeps reminding me to focus on positive outcomes. And this hasn't been the case only recently.
On November 11, 2019, I completely stopped listening to all radio stations, including the BBC World Service (which still remains my top favorite). About 5 years earlier, I had deliberately given away my TV since I opted to only watch video in my time: YouTube, where I get to decide what I watch, and when. And movies and TV series already downloaded on my hard drive.
My reasoning is that the media - mainstream outlets in particular - have this undue ability to not only shape our opinions, but influence both our thinking and perceptions. I know it is all too easy to openly say and brag how you're totally in charge and how nobody can influence how you think. Nobody is impervious, and just last week, I was writing this about lies:
"What is the cost of lies?
It's not that we'll mistake them for the truth, the real danger is that if we hear enough lies, then we no longer recognize the truth at all.
What can we do then? What else is left but to abandon even the hope of truth and content ourselves instead with stories."
- Valery A. Legasov.
And some months ago, when I was reading 'Zero to One' by Peter Thiel and Blake Masters, I came across the following:
"But advertising matters, because it works. It works on nerds, and it works on you. You may think that you're an exception; that your preferences are authentic, and advertising only works on other people. It's easy to resist the most obvious sales pitches, so we entertain a false confidence in our own independence of mind. But advertising doesn't exist to make you buy a product right away. It exists to embed subtle impressions that will drive sales later. Anyone who can't acknowledge its likely effect on himself is doubly deceived."
Advertising is mediated persuasion, and it works just as propaganda does.
* * *
I started off my day reading 'Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of your Professional and Personal Life' by Richard Paul and Linda Elder. My focus today was Chapter 12: Developing as an Ethical Reasoner.
This comes in the wake of a conversation I had yesterday with my father, about the Kenya airways employee who got suspended for revealig on social media, that a Southern China Airways plane full of passengers had been allowed to land at JKIA at a time when Kenyans were asking the government to no longer allow flights from abroad.
Accordingly, what Ali Gire did was ethical. But it was not procedural.
And this got me thinking: at what point does what is for greater good supercede what is the right or legal thing to do. Remember this is the same dilemma John Grisham was addressing in 'A Time to Kill.' And it is the same issue that Jonathan Haidt, Silvia Koller and Maria Dias try to tackle in their research paper titled 'Affect, Culture and Morality; or is it wrong to eat your dog?'
The central question in this paper is this: Are disgusting or disrespectful actions judged to be moral violations, even when they are harmless?
Back to ethical reasoning.
The problem I have with modern society, this neoliberal, "woke" world which pontificates and promises endless choice and freedom on one hand, while hindering free expression in the name of political correctness and which is driven by a hypersentive, fault-finding generation of intolerable individuals who cannot accept views that differ from their own.
In essence, we end up moralizing everything. And this moralizing is indeed subjective, which means that it is not based on what is right or wrong, but what is deemed to be good by those who can shout loudest. What they prefer.
This is where ethical principles, which should never be a matter of subjective preference, lose meaning and value.
It follows that ethical concepts should be distinguished from the norms and taboos of society, peer groups, religious teachings, political ideoligies and the law.
* * *
In closing, the above (if it makes any sense at all) is precisely why I am deliberately and actively taking charge of my thinking. First, by carefully curating what media I consume. This may not seem important, but a lot of what the TV and radio stations are feeding us daily is for the most part manipulative and toxic.
Secondly, I have become very wary of Twitter and Facebook timelines. As I wrote again last week, these platforms are inundated with people whose favorite pastime is pointing out the faults of others, with a callous self-righteousness and satirical condescesion through which they take no responsibility at all for anything, while at the same time not suggesting or offering solutions to the malaise that modern society has become. They make zero effort to right wrongs.
All in all, there is a good reason why Henry David Thoreau retreated from society and stayed in the woods for two years. During this time, he not only penned 'Walden' but - I do believe - he also gained a deeper insight into how exactly to take charge of his view of life and his thinking.
* * *
Just as Tupac did years ago, I'm now wondering if heaven's got a ghetto. The more the world changes, the more it stays the same. You need not look far to realize that though we proudly proclaim our "love" for our brothers, we still haven't realized that we can't go nowhere unless we share with each other. For a start, we can stop seeing one another as distant strangers...
Anyways, it seems that step to step, heart to heart, left right left...we all fall down like toy soldiers.
I've often stated that we don't engage in political discourse here on The Walkabout. But truth be said, unless we have successfully transitioned into sovereign individuals and managed to go seasteading in international waters, politics will continue to adversely affect our lives.
In Kenya, we voted for the current leadership in August 2017. The process itself took much longer, thanks to a repeat Presidential election on October 2017. You'd then assume that Kenyans would have made better choices after witnessing the institutionalized corruption, impunity in wastage of public resources, shameless embezzlement and wanton plunder from public coffers. The years between 2013 and 2017 should have served as a lesson that neccessitated changes but not much changed. Kenyans went again and voted for different monkeys from the same forest.
This failure to correctly judge situations, to repeat the same mistakes is often driven by a number of factors. Some of the causes have publicly been shared by scholars in the past, let's have a dig at some of the reasons we so hopelessly fail at making value decisions.
Odds and Value Estimation
As outlined on the Farnam Street blog, Dan Gilbert says that humans are works in progress who mistakenly think they're finished. In other words, we wrongly imagine the same person we are today is the same person we shall be till death.
In his 2005 TED Talk, Dan Gilbert explored why we make bad decisions.
For starters, the expected value of any action is a product of the odds that one will gain something from the act, and the gain in value i.e.
Expected Value = Odds of Gain x Value of Gain.
But it turns out that we usually attach value to things based on their past value, instead of the current value on the basis of context. In other words, based on what is possible.
It is quite an interesting and insightful talk, which ends with this thought-provoking statement:
We underestimate the odds of our future pains, and overestimate the value of our present pleasures.
Confirmation Bias
This refers to the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs and theories.
Writing in The New Yorker, Elizabeth Colbert points to limitations of reason, with the desire to win arguments taking precedence over straight thinking.
It so happens that when we form impressions, they persist and stay with us.
But there's a reason why once we form beliefs and the evidence for such beliefs has been totally refuted, we don't make appropriate revisions in such beliefs.
One explanation of this, is how evolution has fashioned us into social beings who collaborate and live in groups.
We don't always believe things because they are correct. Sometimes we belief things because they make us look good to the people we care about.
This is why we continue to hold on to beliefs that are factually false, but socially accurate.
* * *
We have in the past talked about trying to wash our hands in dirty water, or just being blind with one's eyes wide open. Humans seem to be irresistibly lured by things that actually harm them, things that may seem good, but aren't beneficial. Toxic things.
"If you think you know who you are, you've no idea."
- Sgt John Ryan, in 'Crash'
Every time I'm asked to name my top favorite movies, my listing invariably starts with the following:
Cloud Atlas.
Crash (2004 release).
What's common in these movies is that they seek to explore a better understanding of human behavior, particularly how we relate to each other in times of great anguish or crisis situations.
In addition, how we treat others if and when we are in a position of advantage compared to them.
* * *
The Butterfly Effect
In chaos theory, the butterfly effect explains how very little changes in initial conditions can create significantly different outcomes in complex systems. In other words, seemingly inconsequential things can result in vastly altered situations in places and times that may not be immediately easy to relate or connect.
"Our lives are not our own,
From womb to tomb, we are bound to others,
Past and present.
And by each crime and every kindness,
We birth our future."
- Somni 451, in Cloud Atlas.
There is another concept that hinges on social connections to show how we are largely connected to others. It is called the six degrees of separation.
Consider this recent happening in Kenya that was quite tragic:
6 days from today last year, a bus operated by Western Cross Express Company Ltd was involved in a road accident that resulted in 58 fatalities and shattered many lives thanks to serious injuries suffered by those who survived.
The bus, christened "Homeboyz" was being driven by one Lucas "Abdallah" Asang'asa, a 72 year old man.
From media reports and the investigations that followed, it emerged that various instances of negligence and blatant disregard of the law led to that horrific accident.
It is not possible to point out exactly what caused the accident itself, but a number of things such as having excess passengers, an elderly driver working many hours sans rest and driving long distances, vehicle defects, or a failure by traffic police on roadblocks to do a proper inspection of the bus and the passengers therein.
Apparently, the driver himself had also complained that the bus had faulty brakes.
Many factors, some seemingly harmless, all contributed to this terrible tragedy.
Granted, not all social connections are tragic. Here is an embarrassing, yet fun way to illustrate the same concept:
In essence, we have this nauseating habit of assuming that people we engage and interact with today will still be in the exact same situations in the future.
And all too often, we get to be reminded that these same people can be something very different the next time we meet then, sooner or later.
Meditations in an Emergency
My current writing project is anchored on this very premise - that we are connected to others and our thoughts, words and deeds always have an effect on others in addition to ourselves.
The Meditations in an Emergency book will tackle often-difficult-to-talk-about-subjects and hopefully elicit dialogue and action on those things that affect us, yet remain unattended.
* * *
I recently read a comment on this YouTube video, about humans having an amazing ability to underestimate non-immediate threats. We get very concerned and display shameless outrage porn at things that are both current and highly visible. Some even profit from rage. It happens to be quite easy to see and share loud and popular opinions on such things as fire on a mountain.
But you gotta wonder, do we ever have conversations with ourselves?
In today's Weekend Walkabout, we take a closer look at Happiness.
I am turning a year older and it won't be long before I say goodbye to the 30s. It makes sense to look both within and without at the things that either occasion or obstruct happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives.
That said, let's get right into it.
* * *
Does happiness really come from within or without?
There is a very interesting quote by Hellen Keller that I often come across:
Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.
The appeal of saying happiness comes from within is overwhelming since it is a statement of personal responsibility and empowerment. This means that should you not feel happy,, you are in a position to do something about it. And by extension, you cannot go around blaming others for your lack of happiness.
In his book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt dedicates Chapter 5 (The Pursuit of Happiness) to this particular question.
The long-held notion that we cannot seek happiness in external things, or that external conditions don't affect our levels of happiness has since been challenged.
According to Haidt, happiness comes from between.
It is not something you can find, acquire or achieve directly. For happiness to happen, you just have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of these conditions are within you. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you.
Haidt's explanation revolves around purpose and the meaning of life, which emerge once a person gets these conditions right.
* * *
And speaking of levels of happiness, is there a limit to how much one can be happy in this life?
It is funny that despite various attempts at chasing happiness, a majority are likely to spend an entire lifetime oscillating around a seemingly pre-set level of happiness.
By extension, personal income levels have little impact on an average person's happiness. And of course, money will not buy a person happiness.
What this boils down to is that once your basic needs are satisfied, chasing more money, fame, power, sex or beauty will not lead to a happier life.
* * *
It is true life isn't a simple matter of proclaiming "I won't worry, I'll be happy." But we can at least agree that happiness becomes very elusive when we spend so much time and energy chasing it. It however, follows us when we focus on doing the things that matter and add value in life.
Doing such things makes us happy.
Depending on how you look at it, a signpost is the epitome of altruism. It shows you the way. It points you in the right direction.
Over the weekend, I read some pages of Ayn Rand's 'The Virtue of Selfishness', where she takes a rather contrarian view of altruism.
Ayn Rand dissects altruism, and the moral questions it lumps together. One is what values are, the other being who should be the beneficiary of values.
The problem with this is the widely accepted notion that any action taken for the benefit of others is good.
On the other hand, a concern with one's self interests (the exact dictionary definition of selfishness) is deemed evil.
There is a loophole in here, if you look closely. But that notwithstanding, today's post is about oneself and why there is a danger in not looking inward as much as we should.
* * *
There is something called Moral Licensing. In my opinion, Malcolm Gladwell, in 'The Lady Vanishes' (S01E01) episode of Revisionist History, gives the most succinct explanation of what this social psychology concept is. He says:
Past good deeds can liberate individuals to engage in behaviors that are immoral, unethical or otherwise problematic, behaviors that they would otherwise avoid for fear of feeling or appearing immoral.
We all see this in action every day in life. Locally, the best example is a politician who does one huge, very public albeit insincere act of benevolence (such as a huge donation at a fundraiser) that gets him elected, then spends an entire 5 year term in office embezzling public funds and engaging in corruption.
This point was further amplified by Evelyn Waithira (Muithirania) during a interview with Kameme TV. She speaks of a man whose work is to announce throughout the village of a 'Baraza' that he himself doesn't care to attend.
I have admittedly often found myself engulfed in this moral licensing phenomenon. Time and again, I find myself doing the very things I have publicly and on record, spoken against on this blog and elsewhere. At times with reckless abandon.
Since I began posting on The Walkabout a decade ago, many are the times I have fallen short of what I write about here, stuff that's meant to offer insight, inspire us and aid in self discovery.
However, all is not lost.
* * *
Many years ago when I was a University student
at JKUAT, I used to have regular chats (actual face-to-face
conversations) with my pal Doreen. At the time, Kiss 100.3 FM was pretty
new and played actual "Fresh Hits."
Now, the only problem with that is just how repetitively any new song was played on Kiss 100. 'Redeemer'
by Nicole C. Mullen was a new release at the time, and not an hour
would pass without hearing that song play again and again on Kiss.
One hot afternoon, we are walking along the main corridor (it runs from Assembly Hall to Hall 6) and someone in Hall 3 who had obviously made "The Big Switch" was tuned in to Kiss 100 and as expected, 'Redeemer' was blasting away on his stereo. I pointed out how Kiss FM is ruining our listening experience by overplaying such amazing songs.
Doreen's view was different, that such repetitive radio-play wasn't necessarily a bad thing as it gave that particular Gospel track much needed exposure on a secular radio station where it would reach those who wouldn't otherwise tune in to Family FM (a christian station).
We had a small argument over this, and at some point, she asked: "Are you even listening to yourself speaking?"
It is due to this very statement that I've had to, almost a decade later, re-examine myself as I look back to the things I have been posting here, but seldom practise in life.
And it is that moment of clarity that first came my way thanks to Doreen at JKUAT, that insight which has again been brought to my attention by Ayn Rand, Malcolm Gladwell and Evelyn Waithira, that I have elected to do the needful and walk a different road.
Now willing to listen and take suggestions, I have found that the process of discovering who I really am, begins with knowing who I really don't want to be.
And best believe me, just as Doreen advised many years ago, learning to actually listen to oneself makes a difference. A BIG one. There is a conversation I need to have with me, and that calls for a moment to myself.
It's 1st of July today and this being my birthday month, I have decided that now is the time to stop being so selfish...
I am ashamed that I consume a massive amount of information (epic reads, documentaries, podcasts and great TV shows). I, however, give back very little.
Now is the time to write more, as I ought. And I'm starting right here on The Walkabout.
* * *
Back in June, I embarked on a spirited quest to finish reading a number of books that I did start but got distracted along the way (Longform.org happens, you know!). These include 'The Confidence Game' by Maria Konnikova, 'The Andromeda Strain' by Michael Crichton, 'Fooled by Randomness' by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, and two other books that inspired today's post.
* * *
For quite some time now, I have been feeling trapped. Certain aspects of my life haven't gone according to plan and a number of things haven't turned out as expected. Some of these mishaps have been due to character defects or lapses in my judgment. Others still, have been purely inadvertent.
But I am a very firm believer in things getting better. And it is for this reason that almost all my online accounts simply have "In Repair" as my bio.
This quest for escape routes is what informed my decision to read 'Escape Routes' by Johann Christoff Arnold. It is a good book, with the solid truths and included Biblical references a great way to tackle a vexing subject for many who are seeking answers.
On the creative side of my life, the book 'A Beautiful Constraint' got my attention in an episode of 'Under the Influence' with adman and CBC radio host Terry O'Reilly back in 2016. In the Bookmarks episode, Terry talks about tension due to constraints fueling a high degree of creativity.
It is my humble opinion that besides the natural human tendency to postpone things until the last possible moment, constraints, as much as fast approaching deadlines, are at times necessary to "persuade" us to do our absolute best.
* * *
So how does all this add up?
It was while watching the 9th episode of the 1st season of the 911 TV series that I realized what I have for so long overlooked: getting trapped and being constrained are not exactly the same thing.
In fact, it's very easy to mistake one for the other. But it gets all the more easier to differentiate by just looking from the inside out, instead of the all-too-common outside-in perspective.
Here's deep words from the opening scene in the aptly titled 'Trapped' episode:
People are resilient.
I think we're designed that way.
It's embedded in our DNA to forge ahead, soldier on.
It's a whole lot easier to do with an army at your back.
But sometimes it feels like we're on our own.
It might even feel like the world is conspiring against us at times.
A test to see just how much we can take.
How do you get out? How do you break the cycle?
And now, the closing scene:
A wolf will chew off its own leg just to escape.
Which makes perfect sense.
If you're being held back, cornered, forced into a situation, you do whatever you can to change it, to break free, to survive.
But sometimes escape isn't our default.
Sometimes we stay the course.
We cope, we navigate.
Because traps don't look the same to everybody, especially not from inside one.
Sometimes what the rest of the world sees as having us pinned actually ends up pushing us forward, giving us purpose, control, someone to talk to.
And once in a while, the very thing everyone thinks is holding us back is also what makes us feel at home.
Many are the times we pause and think, even loudly ask, if the next decision will be yet another bad one. And it gets particularly bad when the clouded judgment that is occasioned by entrapment makes you think any additional effort will simply be an exercise in futility - akin to "trying to get your hands clean in dirty water" as Soulsavers put it in 'Revival.'
But there is hope. Should you still feel like you are aimlessly wandering about, blind with your eyes wide open (another Soulsavers reference), you may want to first identify how you're looking at it all.
I'll end with one of my favorite extracts from the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book: Personal Stories III - Safe Haven [PDF]. This I chanced upon many, many years ago in Prison Break, where Michael Scofield sends an encrypted message contained in the A.A. book, to Sara Tancredi... but this is besides the point. Following is what is important for the purposes of this post:
I have found that the process of discovering who I really am begins with knowing who I really don't want to be... like the power that causes an airplane to become airborne, it only works when the pilot is doing the right things to make it work.
It does help to find out first the very nature of what stands in your way. Certain limitations are actually advantages.
So, are you trapped, or merely constrained?
* * *
All said and done, you wont have to ask "Am I Wrong?" for thinking out the box, trying to reach the things you cannot see and for choosing another way.
Oh boy! It's been many months since I last posted on The Walkabout. In fact, only two months shy of a complete year of absence.
But not to worry. A lot has happened while I've been away (the above photo points - if you excuse the pun - to one such thing). Much that is beyond the scope of this site.
What is important, however, is my return to blogging on The Walkabout.
You see, I have in recent times focused all my attention on the small farm that I reside on. I also have been writing some books and on occasion, doing some design work. And lots of research writing. And endless reading.
It is mainly due to time constraints that I opted to go on indefinite hiatus on all my blogs, even the newest and most exciting Lasting Impressions marketing blog.
But more on this one later.
So why have I decided to blog again, given that I still have serious time constraints? Why keep on writing posts on a blog I have several times in the past considered deleting and moving on?
The simple answer is that this blog is not my own. In other words, doing away with The Walkabout would be like giving up something that does not belong to me alone. To better understand the thinking behind this, take a look at Wilglory Tanjong's response [PDF] to Malcolm Gladwell's Revisionist History episode 9 (Generous Orthodoxy).
Much as I do not agree with her entirely, I do concur on the parallel that The Walkabout is very much a joint effort, because this journey of insight, inspiration and self discovery cannot be possible without interacting with other people, and reading, listening or watching stuff written by others.
Speaking of interacting with others, I have recently been on chat with and even met on March 18, a person who got to read a good number of the posts on here. The question I always get to answer is "Why aren't you writing anymore?"
There are many answers to this, one of which is many a time getting discouraged by the fact that I often fall short of living a life consistent with many of the things I write on the blog. Not that this blog is a the-way-to-live-right-manual, but this is something I call living the life of a signpost and will address that in a post later this week or some time else soon.
It is true I am a man with many faults and character flaws. We all are. My only redeeming grace would be that I can, like the man in the arena, enjoy the journey as well and not just the destination. And in any case, it is mostly never too late to set things right. After all, we are always in repair. Not together, but getting there.
It is for this reason too, that I felt I need to keep writing. There are stories that need telling, life experiences that need to be shared and insights we need to learn from.
So all in all, I shall try to do at least a post every week.
And to accommodate this, and in line with some recent changes at Complit Communications, it has become necessary to retire the Complit Design site, do regular posting on Lasting Impressions and prepare for a Connect Magazine return to publishing in coming months.
Over at Lasting Impressions, this week's post is: From Remarkably Bland to Remarkable Brand.
* * *
I was watching Kurt Angle's induction to the WWE Hall of Fame just last week. After his speech, begins his celebration by singing his favorite songs. And looking back, I recalled Adam "Edge" Copeland's induction back in 2012. 'Walk' by Foo Fighters was his song. It is one of my top favorites. And today, no song can better describe this return to blogging.
And here is some trivia: On Edge's first ever match, Edge tragically ended the career of Jose Estrada. Edge's debut was Jose's Closing Time. So yes, some beginnings come from other beginning's ends.
It is now time for me to learn to blog again. I have waited long enough... so where else do I begin than right here, and right now?
Relationships are seldom, if ever, mutual. And hard as it is to accept this reality, it all starts with what you are to other people. What you think you are to others, and what they know you are to them, are two different things.
More than a decade ago when I was in college, I made a rare, albeit serious attempt at dating. CM was her name, and this was a relationship I hoped would be enduring, even lifelong... sorry, I digress.
During one of our numerous conversations, and in a moment I consider among the most profound in my dealings with CM, she looked at me straight in the eyes and asked, "Peter, what am I to you?"
Luckily, this was not during a 'fight'. But I did not answer immediately, given my penchant for reading between the lines. It took a moment to digest the all-important question.
I then gave her my candid answer.
(Sorry, you ain't CM and my answer is beyond the scope of this post... hehe).
Looking back, I now realize that is the one question I always ask myself in all my dealings with other people. And it has saved me from a lot of trouble.
Be it professional or informal relationships, taking time to actually find out what my place is in the hearts and minds of whoever I am interacting with is a priceless realization.
Why do we love oranges?
I still recall the day when Pinky Ghelani challenged her listeners to reflect why we love oranges. That was many years ago on her show 'The Fuse' on 98.4 Capital FM.
Pinky then proceeded to explain that almost every person who loves an orange does so because of what one can get from it. Specifically, the nutrients and the taste. It has nothing to do with how colorful oranges look, or how perfectly round they may be.
And this reminds me of Jesus's 'barren tree' parable in Luke 13:6-9.
Is the Juice worth the Squeeze?
It seems I'm on a roll with these fruity metaphors. But not to worry.
For interactions that are one-sided, where genuine affection is unrequited, good people have every reason to walk away. Letting go and moving on is in fact the most apt thing to do, only that it should not happen sans reflection. This ensures that there is no haste, and enough time is first spent appreciating all that has been and learning from whatever failed to work well or as expected.
A fearless and searching moral inventory is therefore recommended every once in a while, to forestall the risk of being used by others, or passing across the wrong message. A common problem that faces exceedingly good people is their good deeds being misconstrued as being desperate, clingy or needy. And of course being taken for granted, only to be missed when the well runs dry.
Every time you feel like you're in a situation where the other party is not living up to what is expected of them - be it a friend, love interest, business partner, client, colleague at work or school, etc - be courageous enough to do an objective and candid cost-benefit analysis with a view to setting things right.
I must admit that I do walk away from people the moment I realize what they take me to be is something that adds no value, is inappropriate or at great cost to me and my person.
For the record, a cost-benefit analysis is not a walk in the park, especially in situations where one has invested emotionally. But it is always worth it.
I end this post with something I once heard on 103.9 Family FM a long time ago. It is about what an ordinary man is to those around him.
To his dog, he is like a god, and the provider of all things nice (read meat, bones and macaroni). To his wife, he is Mr Money. To his teenage daughter, he is an overbearing tyrant who just can't let her be. To his boss, he is a good employee, but one who can be better. To his MP, he is just another vote.
You get the drift...
Finally, the key question is, what exactly are you to those around you and those whose lives you touch? And more important, are you to them what you think you are?
* * *
It does take two to tango. And I bet giving as good as one gets is for the most part, a core component of mutual interaction.
That said, how about meeting halfway?
Today, we revisit this issue, thanks to a discussion I had this morning with one of my closest friends.
We See, but do not Notice/Perceive
It all started with the usual early morning pleasantries, and then this forward on WhatsApp.
I request you to read this message before you delete.
After reading this message I made a full research (NIV & NLT) about this information. Really this is a shocking information to me and I like to pass it on to you.
Please read, research and decide. If God is speaking to you, please forward to your friends and family members.
Kindly use KJV or NKJV.
Quite alarming & devastating - pls read this: "If you own a New International Version (NIV) Bible
Did you know that it was written by Zondervan and
they are OWNED by Harper Collins, who also publishes the The Satanic Bible and The Joy of Gay Sex.
NIV has removed 64,575 words from the bible including Jehovah, Calvary, Holy Ghost and omnipotent to name but a few...
NIV has also removed 45 complete verses. Most of us have the Bible on our phones. Try and find these scriptures under NIV on your phone right now if you don't believe me:
Matthew 17:21, 18:11, 23:14
Mark 7:16, 9:44, 9:46
Luke 17:36, 23:17 John 5:4
Acts 8:37
You will not believe your eyes.
If you continue reading the NIV after this, then truly you are blinded by Satan, or just don't care.
[...]
Refuse to be blinded by Satan, and do not act like you just don't care. Let's not forget what the Lord Jesus said in John 10:10 (King James Version)
THE SOLUTION
If you must use the NIV, BUY and KEEP AN EARLIER VERSION OF the BIBLE. A Hard Copy cannot be updated. All these changes occur when they ask you to update the app. On your phone or laptop etc. Buy and KEEP EARLIER VERSIONS AND STORE THEM.
There is a crusade geared towards altering the Bible.
For the record, I often ignore such sensational forwards, and I would have done the same with this one but decided to check it out.
I already read some hidden agenda, thanks to this:
I'm sure you know that NIV was published by Zondervan but is now OWNED
by Harper Collins, who also publishes the Satanic Bible and The Joy of
Gay Sex.
We shall come to the Zondervan/Harper Collins twist in a bit...
Is Matthew 17:21 missing in the NIV Bible?
My Bible is the Devotional Study Bible, NIV Version. On the phone, I use the YouVersion Bible app. Following are my findings about the alleged omission of Matthew 17:21 and Matthew 18:11. You can try locate the others as outlined above.
At the end of Matthew 17:20 is superscript "b"
At the bottom of the page, is the following:
b20 Some manuscripts you. 21 But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.
That aside, this is is how Matthew 17:21 on the phone Bible app looks like.
ASV version:
NIV version:
Now notice the small grey box with three dots after "impossible for you" at the end of verse 20.
When I did the same for Matthew 18:11, this is what happens...
Clicking on the grey box with the 3 dots reveals the following at Matthew 18:10:
And when you go to Luke 19:10, you see the verse that in other editions, is Matthew 18:11.
And this is how Matthew 18:10 looks like on the hard cover NIV Bible.
Notice the "a" superscript at the end of verse 10?
Looking at the footnotes at the bottom of the page, we find the "missing" Matthew 18:11 verse included. See below:
All said and done, you be the judge if the NIV Bible no longer has some verses.
The Zondervan Corporation, Harper Collins Situation
Back to the original forwarded message above, we learn that The Zondervan Corporation is owned by Harper Collins. This is true, as reported here and here.
The company was bought by HarperCollins, a division of News Corp, in 1988, and is the company's principal Christian book publishing division. Scott Macdonald was appointed President and CEO in May 2011.
This change of hands together with other acquisitions by Harper Collins was widely discussed in Christian circles, and Zondervan Corporation through spokeswoman Tara Powers did find it necessary to issue a statement that said in part,
"This does not present an ethical dilemma for Zondervan as we will continue to operate with autonomy as we always have...
“While we are obviously aware of the matter at hand, it does not
distract or detract from our work at hand and we will continue to pursue
our mission and operate as we have for the past 80 years."
My argument in regard to who owns Zondervan Corporation will comprise two important facts:
[1] We have choice
Harper Collins does have its reasons for acquiring these Christian publishers. I do not hold their brief and so wouldn't delve into the why and why not. That is not my business. Both Zondervan and Harper Collins got into negotiations and made choices and business decisions that work for them.
Should I feel that I no longer like my NIV Bible because of Harper Collins and whatever else this company publishes, then I have ever right to exercise choice and stop using their products (e.g. the NIV Bible). Nobody is holding a gun to anyone's head
There are so many versions of the Bible readily available, and we are all free to read whatever version we feel is genuinely unadulterated.
[2] We are all not the same
The fact that I do not like what gays do does not give me any right to stop them from publishing their books. They have an equal right to read whatever rocks their boat, the same way I have every right to read my Bible or any other book that I would like to.
In the course of my discourse with my friend, I pointed out that Adolf Hitler's Mien Kampf is one of the most disturbing and hate-filled books I have ever read. It however remains in circulation despite it's controversial content. The reason is simple: Hitler had every right to publish that book, and whoever opts to read it also has an equal right to do so.
We are different people with varying tastes. It is for this reason that some are Muslims, others are atheists while others are agnostic.
That I don't like what some person else is, believes, says, reads or does should in no way be a reason to consider them foolish, lacking in common sense or lost.
We should all learn to appreciate that it is our differences that unite us. We do not have to like a lot of the things that we do not agree with. But we have a duty to respect and accommodate people, situations, views, things and opinions that differ from our own.
Finally, the last comment on this blog post takes us right back to the forward upon which this post is based.
Take time and read the 17 comments above fati's comment. Then you be the judge.
* * *
There's this song by Nicole C Mullen, about how different we can be and yet still be the same. Here is a live performance video, but the sound is quite bad and so I'll embed the following, titled White, Black, Tan.
The song has a very interesting introduction. Check it out and enjoy!
