Discovering Our Place in the Lives of Others

"Our lives are not our own.

From womb to womb, we are bound to others. Past and present. 

And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future."

- Somni 451, Cloud Atlas.

In the recent Angels and Life's Crossroads post, we saw that everything in life happens for a reason. That the people life brings into your life are always meant to help you find a purpose, a purpose that's often greater than yourself.
These human interactions are at times life's way of bringing you Angels to inspire you when you have needs that are to be met, when you are at a crossroads.

Today's post further explores the role we play in the lives of others, and how we can discover our place in the lives of those we get to interact with.


On of the most emotional moments I've seen on TV was in the LOST finale 'afterlife' scene where Jack Shephard met his father Christian. When Jack wonders why they are where they are, Christian explains:

This is a place that you all made together so that you could find one another.
The most important part of your life, was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone Jack. You needed all of them, and they needed you.

The air-crash survivors in LOST soon realized that they were better off living together and working in teams to deal with the challenges they faced every day they were on the mysterious island.

That situation is always replicated in our lives. Each is born into a family made up of siblings and in most cases, siblings. In some cultures, the extended family comprising grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins remains a part of one's upbringing.

These people often shape one's perceptions and greatly influence how one relates with other people later in life. Should one encounter abuse in his or her formative years, the child remains traumatized and scarred for life. For the fortunate ones who are showered with love, genuine unconditional care and purpose-driven upbringing, they blossom into people who are outgoing and who engage with others in amiable and socially acceptable ways.

For those among us who are entrusted with raising young ones - be it as a parent, uncle, auntie, teacher or care-giver, the onus is upon us to be a positive influence. These kids are quite impressionable during their formative years. This has been shown in this TV commercial that underscores the importance of your influence:







Beyond childhood, we meet people in the schools we attend, we get to meet people in the neighborhoods we live and in our workplaces. These people may share a few things with us such as a class, office or neighborhood, but what has brought them to this day always remains different.

When we encounter these people and our paths cross, it is important to realize that what has always worked for us may not work for them. It is true that we are united in our differences. But these differences must be acknowledged and respected. Looks may be deceiving and first impressions may last. But it is important to take a moment and properly understand others before engaging them with the assumption that our way is the right way.

Discovering our place in other people's lives is a great way to also realize our purpose in life and what we have to do to shape our destiny. Given that nobody lives along in this life, the greatest achievements are invariably hinged on the constituents roles many people play towards something bigger than the sum of its parts.

Our lives are wholly dependent on services provided by others, and we always use tangible things that others have made. Such people indirectly make it easier for us to meet our obligations and realize our dreams.

I shall end with the role those who are blessed and fortunate among us should play in the lives of people of less means.
We get to meet people who are unwell, who are going through a rough stretch in life or who are battling untold anguish in life. Some of these people may only need just a smile to lighten their day, genuine care and understanding that it is not irreparably damaging to go through such hard times, the assurance that hard times do come to an end in the fullness of time.

In some cases, they need actual involvement - someone to hold their hand, lend a hand, offer material support, moral support or ultimately make their fight one's fight. They need people who realize that sometimes, those who seem least deserving may be the most in need. They need people to walk with them without ever giving up. They may need someone to take a much-needed and beneficial place in their lives.

Ralph Waldo Emerson who was born today 212 years ago, sums up the purpose of life above. Making a difference in the lives of others is at the core of these timeless words!


 * * *

I was torn between ending with Daniel Powter's 'Bad Day' and the song that I have finally settled on. It beautifully lays down the tenets of friendship and genuine concern.

The Kindness of Strangers

Hello November :)

Punctuality is the politeness of princes, goes the adage.

I was recently discussing gratitude with one of my best friends. She had, at some point in July this year, pointed out how I seemed so grateful about nearly everything in life. Even those seemingly insignificant small things.
At the time, I felt really flattered and purposed to be even more grateful.

The good books says,

Let the giving of thanks be your sacrifice to God, and give to the almighty all that you promised.
- Psalm 50:14

Looking back, I realize that I am where I am today because countless other people have made it possible. Even more profound, most of what they did and continue to do isn't necessarily what they had to do. In other words, they simply go the extra mile for me when they don't have to.

In my own life, I have come to realize that a willingness to help someone who may either never recognize or even acknowledge your assistance is a noble, albeit rare character trait. In fact, it demands more to help such people than to help those who may not be in a position to pay back or return the favor.

And this becomes a key pillar of what I seek to adopt and nurture in my life. Being altruistic essentially takes a genuine intention to make others' lives better, it demands that one consider others before his/her self.
Have you recently done something kind for someone who may never know that you did it, who may actually not appreciate nor requite it? Do you help strangers? How did it feel? Are you still proud that you assisted or do you regret it?

Back to our polite princes, they are not duty bound to be punctual. They can do as they wish. But princes who respect the value of time both to themselves and to those who wait for them are indeed worth their royal standing. Punctuality is the politeness of princes.

Finally, kindness and the ensuing gratitude are never in vain. Here's the reason why:

Have a blessed month.

Find What's Lost. Stop Looking.

Yesterday, I was on phone with someone amazing. We got talking about many things, and at some point during that conversation, I thought about the satisfaction of finding what has all along been lost.

There's this post about chasing happiness where we concluded that it's more important to get on with life, doing what is required of us, and purposing to add value both in our lives and those of others instead of engaging in an elusive pursuit of "happiness".

Worthless Pursuits
Otherwise, we may end up like dogs chasing their tails...

However, it is interesting to note that many, if not all things, are found only when we stop looking.

Happiness, Satisfaction & Fulfillment
In this priceless Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness document that I keep referencing in my posts, we are urged to

abandon a foolish quest for the ephemeral rewards of happiness, wealth and power, [and thereby] begin to look for our true calling on earth...

Furthermore, there is a very clear difference between happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment. Happiness may be transient, satisfaction may be seasonal, but fulfillment is enduring.

Stop Looking 
An understanding of what can and does get found when we stop looking invariably obviates the need to actively seek short-time pleasures that ultimately cost us in the long run.

We need to reorder our priorities, delay gratification, set long term objectives and engage in worthwhile, enduring pursuits that will end in fulfillment.
Regardless of how long it may take, we finally find whatever we seek. Sometimes, in other people... as Longfellow did:

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Everything Happens for a Reason

Every once in a while, something happens in life that makes you question all logical arguments and reasoning to support it. You suddenly feel like you can somewhat understand whatever Job [in the Bible] felt while he endured all his suffering. Yet you question it all, wondering why it had to happen to you.

Destiny
I have previously written several LOST inspired posts on this blog, which are invariably profound. Before proceeding, you may want to read the 'Everything Happens for a Reason' post, where we explored the meaning of destiny in terms of both fate and purpose.

Consider the following LOST video [from Exodus, the season 1 finale] and [part of] the dialogue that follows it:

JACK: Look, I need for you — I need for you to explain to me what the hell’s going on inside your head, John. I need to know why you believe that that thing wasn’t gonna-

LOCKE: I believe that I was being tested.

JACK: Tested?

LOCKE: Yeah, tested.

LOCKE: I think that’s why you and I don’t see eye-to-eye sometimes, Jack — because you’re a man of science.

JACK: Yeah, and what does that make you?

LOCKE: Me, well, I’m a man of faith. Do you really think all this is an accident — that we, a group of strangers survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? Do you think we crashed on this place by coincidence — especially, this place? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason, all of us. Each one of us was brought here for a reason.

Can Lightning Strike Twice?
Many people contend that it cannot. I however beg to differ.

Writing this particular post is highly emotional for me, because it tells the story of a close friend who has undergone what I can only refer to as double jeopardy. Please note that I do not mean that dual jeopardy in law, which is in itself bad enough and therefore protected by Fifth Amendment Rights thanks to Miranda precedents.

It so happened that this friend successfully completed his University education in 2008 and got a good job, and proceeded to enroll for a Masters degree in a related field.
One day in 2009, he accompanied his friends for a hike at the Ngong Hills. At around 6pm, a group of his friends were attacked by muggers, and as he tried to help, his left eye was pierced with a dagger. He subsequently lost that eye.

The Second Hit
Just a few weeks ago, he and his dad were driving at night when spikes placed on the road resulted in a flat tire. Stopping to change it, the highway robbers responsible attacked them. This incident left both of them with head injuries, mostly superficial.
Unfortunately for my friend, his right eye was cut at the time and he has lost it as well. He is now physically blind, thanks to thugs who prefer to injure others in their attempt to reap where they do not bother to sow.

What to Do
I find it really hard to understand why he's had to lose his eyes when he needs them the most, why only his eyes sustained serious injury in both incidents, why this has happened in a space of only two years.... and so many other questions.
I however find solace in the knowledge that Hellen Keller was able to live in a silent, dark and lonely world since she could not see, hear or speak. All this has happened for a reason, and my friend will find his place in his new world. I believe that God will open his eyes to a means of perception quite unlike our own, which may even prove to be more beneficial for our friend.

The following TED Talk is proof enough that breakthroughs exist to unlock those who are locked in. I have no doubt that all is not lost for my friend.



In view of the foregoing, it is incumbent upon each and every one of us to realize that everything, whether good or otherwise, happens for a reason.
Even more important, whenever you feel like you're going through a lot in life, always know that others already have done so, and that makes you able to overcome your odds whatever they be and however unique you think they are.

Let's get working to facilitate the rediscovery of wonder. Everything is always impossible until someone does something about it. If not now, then when? And if not me, then who?
We currently have all our abilities for a reason. Do the needful in honoring that reason.

True Friends, People Who Light Up Our Lives

"What would you think if I sang out of tune,

Would you stand up and walk out on me.

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,

And I'll try not to sing out of key.

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends..."

- The Beatles in 'With a little help from my friends'

Friends

Today's post goes straight to the point. I guess that's because it touches on something that is only relevant when it emanates straight from the heart.

It is about true friendship.

Late in April this year, I took time to examine the kind of friends I have. Interestingly, there is no shortage of fair-weather friends - those who are invariably there when all is well. Genuine friends however, are few and far between.

A Brighter World
True friends brighten our lives. They add value. They inspire. They motivate. They are worth our while.
They may not seem to have much about and around them, but they also bring out the best in us.

And Kelis says it best in Lil Star,

If it seems like I'm shining brightly
It's probably a reflection of something you already are...
It's surprising how inspiring
It is to see you shining
Cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me

This is definitely a most awesome song that you should listen to every now and then.

In view of the foregoing, are you a true friend?