Reflections as I turn A Year Older

 

In today's Weekend Walkabout, we take a closer look at Happiness.
I am turning a year older and it won't be long before I say goodbye to the 30s. It makes sense to look both within and without at the things that either occasion or obstruct happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives.


That said, let's get right into it.

* * *

Does happiness really come from within or without?

There is a very interesting quote by Hellen Keller that I often come across:

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.

The appeal of saying happiness comes from within is overwhelming since it is a statement of personal responsibility and empowerment. This means that should you not feel happy,, you are in a position to do something about it. And by extension, you cannot go around blaming others for your lack of happiness.

In his book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt dedicates Chapter 5 (The Pursuit of Happiness) to this particular question.
The long-held notion that we cannot seek happiness in external things, or that external conditions don't affect our levels of happiness has since been challenged.

According to Haidt, happiness comes from between.

It is not something you can find, acquire or achieve directly. For happiness to happen, you just have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of these conditions are within you. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you. 

Haidt's explanation revolves around purpose and the meaning of life, which emerge once a person gets these conditions right.


* * *

And speaking of levels of happiness, is there a limit to how much one can be happy in this life?
It is funny that despite various attempts at chasing happiness, a majority are likely to spend an entire lifetime oscillating around a seemingly pre-set level of happiness.

By extension, personal income levels have little impact on an average person's happiness. And of course, money will not buy a person happiness.
What this boils down to is that once your basic needs are satisfied, chasing more money, fame, power, sex or beauty will not lead to a happier life.


* * * 

It is true life isn't a simple matter of proclaiming "I won't worry, I'll be happy." But we can at least agree that happiness becomes very elusive when we spend so much time and energy chasing it. It however, follows us when we focus on doing the things that matter and add value in life.
Doing such things makes us happy.

Modern Love and Other Interactions in 2014

"We can never bring it about that we require nothing outside ourselves to preserve our being, nor that we live without having dealings with things outside us." 

- Benedict Spinoza, in Ethics.

Prior to writing this post, I've had to listen to this podcast on Modern Love [mp3], read the short story 'A Good Man is Hard to Find' by Flannery O'Connor, read about losing yourself in a relationship in this 'Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness' cautionary tale and made a searching and fearless moral inventory of my interactions with those who I've so far had any sort of affection for.

That said, today's post is simply an amalgamation of varying viewpoints, highlights and personal thoughts about this most interesting of human interactions - love.

A Love Most Interesting.

First of all, a question: Can love be endless?
I bet you'd also want to find out how a man can spend over a decade in love with a woman who doesn't exist. Even more interesting, what would you consider the worst first date of all time? Well, check out this podcast on Modern Love to find out.

Relationships with Others

Almost 4 years ago, I came across a document that profoundly challenged my views in regard to how we should relate with others. In our continued search for meaning, satisfaction and fulfillment which goes way beyond transient happiness, relationships are crucial.

Life is more fulfilling when one genuinely cares for others. Interestingly, a lack of true friends always becomes a very big crisis later on in life. Needless to say, human beings become depressed when they are alone for far too long.
It is partly thanks to the foregoing that inasmuch as I revel in my own company, I remain cognizant to the glaring fact that there is both a need and place for other people in my life. Interactions therefore, are necessary in life.

In 2014, my long-planned journey of touching countless lives, albeit one life at a time through my writing, begins in earnest. Every time I speak about things I am passionate about, I get to realize just how much there is to say and even more important, just how much more there is to learn.
Just like Flannery O'Connor, I now realize that it is by telling stories that I can best communicate. She says:

“A story is a way to say something that can’t be said any other way, and it takes every word in the story to say what the meaning is.”
― Flannery O'Connor

When we carefully examine how we live with others, it becomes apparent that there are many DOs and DONTs that govern how we relate be it with family, friends, colleagues at home or at school, acquaintances or total strangers. Whatever the interaction, some mutual respect and basic etiquette are always a good start to sustain any useful discourse.

Should this not be forthcoming from any or both parties, there would be no sustained dialogue or any communication at all. No meaningful interaction can then occur.
Doing the right thing is just one tenet of managing to live with others in harmony, and only then can one find true fulfillment in a world filled with others whose way or viewing things may be profoundly different. That is where virtue comes in. As Benedict Spinoza writes in Ethics:

"...the very foundation of virtue is this very striving to preserve one's own being, and that happiness consists in a man's being able to preserve his being. Again, it follows that we can never bring it about that we require nothing outside ourselves to preserve our being, nor that we live without having dealings with things outside us...There are, therefore, many things outside us which are useful to us, and on that account to be sought."

All in all, it is only by abandoning a foolish quest for the ephemeral rewards of happiness, wealth and power that you can begin to look for your true calling on this earth.
What it is that you will be seeking in 2014?

* * * * *

One Month Later...

I end this post by looking back at a day that was "touched by love." On December 7, 2013, "the harmony of love met with the melody of life to create a beautiful love song."

Exactly one month ago, I joined family, friends and well-wishers in celebration of Winni and George's wedding. It was a most colorful day, and my best wishes invariably remain with them even as they ended 2013 by beginning a new life together, a new family and all the good things that await them on their best days ahead. Together.

In sum, 2013 was a very good year.
It was the end of something. It was the beginning of everything.

Find What's Lost. Stop Looking.

Yesterday, I was on phone with someone amazing. We got talking about many things, and at some point during that conversation, I thought about the satisfaction of finding what has all along been lost.

There's this post about chasing happiness where we concluded that it's more important to get on with life, doing what is required of us, and purposing to add value both in our lives and those of others instead of engaging in an elusive pursuit of "happiness".

Worthless Pursuits
Otherwise, we may end up like dogs chasing their tails...

However, it is interesting to note that many, if not all things, are found only when we stop looking.

Happiness, Satisfaction & Fulfillment
In this priceless Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness document that I keep referencing in my posts, we are urged to

abandon a foolish quest for the ephemeral rewards of happiness, wealth and power, [and thereby] begin to look for our true calling on earth...

Furthermore, there is a very clear difference between happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment. Happiness may be transient, satisfaction may be seasonal, but fulfillment is enduring.

Stop Looking 
An understanding of what can and does get found when we stop looking invariably obviates the need to actively seek short-time pleasures that ultimately cost us in the long run.

We need to reorder our priorities, delay gratification, set long term objectives and engage in worthwhile, enduring pursuits that will end in fulfillment.
Regardless of how long it may take, we finally find whatever we seek. Sometimes, in other people... as Longfellow did:

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Learning, Sharing, Music and Happiness

Jagshemash!

Today's post on The Walkabout has been kindly hosted on Kawiria's awesome blog.

It simply touches on things that I hold dear. That is learning, sharing, music and something that Kawi's name exemplifies - happiness. 

Now go right ahead and read the entire post on Kawi's blog.

Dziękuję!

The Essence of Solitude

The conditions of a solitary bird are five:

The first, that it flies to the highest point;

the second, that it does not suffer for company, not even of its own kind;

the third, that it aims its beak to the skies;

the fourth, that it does not have a definite color;

the fifth, that it sings very softly.

- San Juan de la Cruz, Dichos de Luz y Amor (from Carlos Castaneda's Tales of Power)

Solitary Pete?

For a long time, many of my friends have taken issue with my insistence on being alone most of the time.

In my world, the best moments are those that I spend time alone, usually while taking a walk. That is when ideas come flooding into my ready mind, a time when I actually notice whatever it is I see, when I get to listen to whatever I hear.

Solitude vs Loneliness

While it is true that "People get depressed when they are alone too long" [page 11 of this document], I have taken care of this problem through virtual means - by listening to music, talk radio shows, having a network of people I chat with every day and most important, lovingly rearing four pets [two puppies and two kittens].

Back in 2008, Brian Tracy wrote 'The Magic of Solitude.' He opines that in silence and solitude, many have learned how to "still their minds, tap into their super-conscious power... a wonderful technique that improves the quality of one's inner and outer life."

Helter Skelter

Interestingly, many of us have never taken time to be all alone by ourselves. For such persons, every moment is inundated with friends, work and a myriad of other things seeking their immediate attention.

Life gradually becomes one long unending busy moment. This monotonous engagement often leaves one worn out, with no time to relax or rejuvenate. Sleep hours will in most cases be truncated to create time for even more activities.

So how do you actually get to relax?

In his article, Brian Tracy recommends that you do the following:

"sit quietly, perfectly still, back and head erect, eyes open, without cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.

Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply. Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try to think about anything. The harder you "don't try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or 25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed. You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body."

Idea Lab

In my experience, ideas flow really well and uninterrupted when we take time to relax and do away with all the clutter. As earlier mentioned, even the best ideas will need a ready mind for them to be implemented to full realization.

In view of the foregoing, take time to relax, to be in step with your inner self, and to harness the amazing power of solitude.

Take time to inspire yourself.

Chasing Happiness: Why not Wait and Let Happiness Follow You?

Power Up

It's interesting how we rediscover some things.

I have previously shared some stories I used to listen to on Family FM's (now Radio 316) 'Power Up', in both my [now defunct] Facebook Notes and past blog posts on The Walkabout.



Fable

 

The other day, I was reading the Sunday Nation and in Mutahi Ngunyi's article, I saw the full text of yet another story that was once shared on Power Up. It is from a fable by C. L. James.

Following is 'Chasing Happiness' for you. Be edified:

CHASING HAPPINESS

An old dog saw a puppy chasing its tail and asked, “why are you chasing your tail?” The young puppy replied, “I have mastered philosophy; I have solved the problems of the universe which no dog before me has solved; I have learnt that the best thing for a dog is happiness, and that happiness is in my tail. Therefore, I am chasing it, and when I catch it, I shall be happy.”

The old and seasoned dog stared at the little puppy and responded, “My son, I, too, have paid attention to the problems of the universe in my weak ways and I have formed some opinions.

I have realized that happiness is a fine thing for a dog. And that happiness is in my tail. However, I have also noticed that when I chase after it, it keeps running away from me, but when I go about my business as usual, it follows me.”

 

Precious Illusions

So, are you still chasing happiness?
Chances are, it'll still elude you just as the tail eluded the puppy.
Now is the time to get on with life, doing what is required of us, and purposing to add value both in our lives and those of others.

Only then will happiness follow us. It surely will.

The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt

Jonathan Haidt

Two days ago, I watched (yet again), Jonathan Haidt's TED Talk about the moral roots of, and the real differences between liberals and conservatives. This talk touched on Ideology and Openness to experience, among other things...

After the very informative talk, I sought to find out more about Jonathan Haidt, who is an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia.

The Happiness Hypothesis

It was then that I came upon his book 'The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom.'

[caption id="attachment_79" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt"][/caption]

At the Happiness Hypothesis web site, this book is introduced as "a book about ten Great Ideas. Each chapter is an attempt to savor one idea that has been discovered by several of the world’s civilizations - to question it in light of what we now know from scientific research, and to extract from it the lessons that still apply to our modern lives. It is a book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning."

The book is divided into five major topics:

• How the mind works


• Social Life


• Happiness


• Flourishing


• Meaning

10 Great Ideas

Each topic is then subdivided into a few key topics or great ideas. Following are the 10 Great Ideas:

1. The Divided Self: Small Rider, Large Elephant


2. Changing Your Mind


3. Reciprocity with a Vengeance


4. The Faults of Others”


5. The Pursuit of Happiness


6. Love and Attachments


7. The Uses of Adversity


8. The Felicity of Virtue


9. Divinity with or without God


10. Happiness Comes from Between

What you will learn:

• How humans make decisions


• Why change is so hard


• What elements shape human happiness


• What techniques you can use to increase how happy you feel

Read all the chapter summaries and download (FREE) the Introduction, chapters 1, 4, 6 and 8 here.

Recommendation:

Bits of wisdom constantly fly at us. Perhaps, that is why we may only rarely stop to savor a great idea and make it our own. In the Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt provides a remedy to modern habits of superficial thinking, by demonstrating that the questions of the ages are still worth kicking around.

This book is recommended to those who want to know why change is so difficult and happiness so elusive. It will give you plenty to think about and possibly change your life. At the least, it will point you in a positive direction.

You can download an Abstract of The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt here (PDF 83KB).

Let us learn, share and grow.