When she first woke up that Tuesday morning, made the day's plans and proceeded to go about her work, she had no idea she wouldn't see the end of that day.
This song by Nickelback has some pretty deep lyrics. Here's the first few lines:
My best friend gave me the best advice He said each day's a gift and not a given right Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind And try to take the path less traveled by That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last?
As for 'Running Out of Days,' consider the following:
There's too much work and I'm spent There's too much pressure and I admit I got no time to move ahead Have you heard one thing that I've said And all these little things in life they all create this haze There's too many things to get done, and I'm running out of days And I can't last here for so long I feel this current it's so strong It gets me further down the line It gets me closer to the line
We are all running out of days and one day will turn out to be the last for each one of us.
But how does the end begin?
* * *
'The Tail End' is an interesting post on 'Wait But Why.' Tim Urban breaks down a person's lifetime into weeks and then days and it becomes increasingly clear that as far as death is concerned, each new day lived brings a person closer to the end of life at the rate of 86400 seconds every 24 hours.
Towards the end of the post is an interesting insight:
despite not being at the end of your life, you may very well be nearing
the end of your time with some of the most important people in your
life.
This sheds light on how we never really know when we do something or see someone for the very last time. An end is always beginning...
But this also applies to change. For something new to start, something old must come to an end. A change of habits involves dropping old ones and adopting new ones. One has to be bold and determined to break away from the allure of comfort zones.
On a personal level, I have been procrastinating writing certain books but it has got to a point where I elected to drop whatever distractions and excuses I have been using to not commit to my stated objectives.
Today marks the beginning of the end for interactions that are not worthwhile or don't add value, the beginning of the end for things I have needlessly held on to. It is when laziness, doubt, procrastination and negligence starts to end.
And for starters, you can see all this in action for yourself at 'Complit Weekly Tales.' where each week, I am posting exciting new stories from books I'm writing, including my High School and University memoirs.
* * *
We all know that when it is closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. So starting today, are you gonna walk a different road?
On Tuesday, March 24, 2020, Pauline Njeri didn't spend the night at her
home along Waiyaki Way with the kids as she had done each and every day
of their lives. She spent that night at Aga Khan.
"Lives of great men," wrote an esteemed American poet and educator, "all remind us that we can make our lives sublime. And departing, leave behind us footprints on the sands of time."
Njeri was a great educator whose life epitomized clarity and transparency. She leaves behind indelible footprints. And fond memories. For she loved deeply, and she was loved in return.
* * *
Njeri spent that night at Aga Khan in Parklands, Nairobi. But not at Aga Khan school where she had taught for many years. She was in Aga Khan University Hospital. Specifically, at the morgue.
Today marks exactly one month since her death on March 24, 2020.
"MAMI MAMI"
When Njeri got her first child Zipporah, it was during a tumultuous time in her life. The reasons why this was so are well beyond the scope of this post, but I'd be remiss in not saying that I was wowed by how gracefully she coped with those difficult times. And she did emerge stronger at the broken places eventually.
Njeri lived in Kasarani at the time, and as Zippy learned to talk, she had this penchant for voicing words twice. Zippy nicknamed my dog "doggie doggie" and each of the cats was called "miau miau." Her mother, as expected, was christened "mamimami."
That is how my sister Njeri became Mamimami, a name that everyone in the family stuck to forthwith. Even our parents.
Njeri was, and forever remains Mamimami. And as it'll become evident elsewhere in this post, she was also the quintessential deputy parent. In particular, to my sister Winni and I during the many years she worked at Juja Preparatory & Senior School while we schooled next door at JKUAT. And to our last-born Magda who practically lived in Mamimami's house throughout her college days at UoN and for some years thereafter.
Being the first born, Mamimami had our best interests at heart - all her six siblings as well as our parents. To this day, each one of us can point to a tangible item whose purchase Mamimami either significantly contributed to or financed entirely. And endless moral support that we cannot even begin to quantify.
At JKUAT where my sister Winni and I schooled, Mamimami was a regular presence. She was both parent and sister to us, and at no time did we have fees arrears or lack pocket money.
A number of furniture items in my house once belonged to her. She has always had my back and financed innumerable projects I've had over the years. And that goes even to other things in the family that I need not mention here.
I shall, however, talk about the two things that I make a living from and the role she did play in fashioning my life in bits (see what I did there? Only someone proficient in computing will appreciate the byte-sized pun)... I digress.
While I was a 3rd year student, I did my Industrial attachment at BIDCO in Thika. We used to get a small allowance and at the end of the 3 months, I bought myself a Nokia 2300 (yeah, among the very first phones to have an FM radio and polyphonic ringtones!) I was striving for higher ideals, however. I wanted to own a Computer in 4th year. Ordinarily, it became truly necessary in final year (in my case, 5th year) due to the unique demands of a student's practical Engineering Project. I therefore started saving cash from my pocket money and proceeds from the audio amplifiers and speaker cabinets I used to make and sell to fellow students.
I had only managed to purchase a CRT monitor, a keyboard and a mouse at the end of 3rd year. I had no cash to buy the main unit - the CPU and this would cost anywhere between 15k and 20k. Mamimami knew I had these computer parts, in any case I would keep them at her place at Juja Preparatory & Senior School.
You can then imagine how pleasantly surprised I was when she one day asked that I join her in going to Nairobi CBD to do some computer "window-shopping." And I happily tagged along. In town, she asked me to take her to the computer shop I was buying the other parts from and once in there, she asked that we check how much a good P4 CPU was going for. To cut the long story short, we eventually walked out with an AMD Duron CPU, and it cost her 18k. This happened to be a very big percentage of her salary back then.
And her benevolence goes on to this day. The HP 630 laptop I am typing this on was once hers, she generously gave it to me in December 2019 after my long-serving Toshiba L300 notebook of 11 years stopped working back in November last year.
Sunday, April 13, 2008. The day President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga unveiled the Grand Coalition Cabinet. At around 8pm, I was accosted by thugs just near Kenya Tents in Roysambu. Those guys forcefully took my laptop, two phones, a significant amount of cash, National ID, bank cards, then cut my hand with a machete and broke my left arm. Horrified, I rushed to Mamimami's house in Kasarani and she took it upon herself to wash my bloodied white trouser. But that was only after taking me to a nearby medical center where my badly cut hand got stitches.
Early the following day, she didn't report to work but instead accompanied me first to Kiambu Hospital for X-rays and thereafter to Nazareth Hospital where my arm was put in a POP cast.
After this, she bought me another phone and was really instrumental in helping me get back my bearings after that near-death experience that saw me nearly slip into depression.
And I could go on and on and on...
Mamimami was always there when we needed her. At times, she would come to our aid long before we realized we needed her. She took good care of each one of us as if there was only one of us. Her affection was wholesome, her concern genuine. Always benevolent.
To Mamimami, family meant everything and she did all within her means to ensure those in her care never lacked. It is for this reason that she oftentimes worked long and odd hours.
Many are the days that she was essentially both the father and mother to her kids, because as far as these fabulous four were concerned, their interests invariably preceeded hers. She wanted the best for them and was quite unrelenting in this regard, right to the very end. And the clarity and transparency that characterized her life will forever stay with us.
On the day that Mamimami breathed her last, my sister Winni and I shared something that each of us had individually wondered: "Why her and not me?" We each had felt that Mamimami had so much going for her, what with four young kids to take care of and a very bright future for them all thanks to her dedication and focus in selfless parenting. We each felt that we do not have as many responsibilities as hers.
And life ain't no beauty show
We don't know where tomorrow ends
And when we're sad
It's kind of a drag. - Matchbox Twenty (All I Need)
It is then that I remembered a story I once read, about a girl asking her grandma why God had called her mother to Heaven just when she needed to be there to take care of the girl and her siblings. The grandma replied with this question: "When you go out to pick fruits, don't you pick the biggest and ripest?"
Upon her passing, this reminder that it is the very best that are taken away gives me the strength to realize that much as I may currently see no good in her dying, it was for a reason. A good reason. One that I may one day come to acknowledge and appreciate. I am persuaded that there is something good and I may be able to perceive it should I look hard enough. My biggest consolation is that this world no longer deserved Mamimami and she just had to go. She is survived by four fantastic children Zippy, Sophia, Spencer and Stanley whose best days are definitely ahead of them.
She needed us, and we needed her...
...and now all we can do is remember and let go. And move on.
That's why I do not mourn Mamimami, I celebrate her. She is without a doubt in a much better place. I keep thinking of her each and every day. As I go about my duties and as we talk with my parents and siblings, (something we do every day) not a day goes by without mentioning her. I'm learning to let her go, even as I continue to miss her dearly. I bet this is what Christine Georgina Rossetti advises us to do in her poem:
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rite in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little - but not for long.
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that once we shared.
Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey we must all take,
And each must go alone.
It's all part of the master plan,
A step on the road to home,
When you are lonely and sick at heart,
Go to the friends we know,
Laugh at all the things we used to do.
Miss me, but let me go.
Mamimami's last moments found her at work, her other passion in addition to family. It was her joy to each and every day put life into the words of that American poet with whom I began, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, when he wrote: "So let us be up and doing, with a heart for any fate. Still achieving, still pursuing, learn to labor and to wait."
We buried Mamimami on Saturday, March 28, 2020. It was a brief ceremony that was attended by only her children, immediate family members and few close friends. And standing by her grave, I was reminded of Mary Elizabeth Frye's poem:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
* * *
When he spoke at Stanford in 2005, Steve Jobs spoke of death as life's change agent. Much as no one wants to die.
That last day, much as we all try to delay it all we can and avoid thinking about it as much as possible, is an inevitable certainty. Despite death being both permanent and irreversible, I find great comfort in the fact that many of us who live to become adults always have so many other days at our disposal to do with as we please. Until that final day, which catches some completely unawares as it did Mamimami. Hers happened to be a swift, relatively painless death.
And given the very personal reminder our family got on March 24 that life is both fickle and fleeting, I have since elected to try all I can to seize the days I still have left.
This afternoon, I attended the burial of a man who taught me in various upper primary school classes back in the 90s. He passed on late last week ( Saturday, August 10, 2013).
In my adulthood, I met and spoke with him only once, but my interactions with him have had an enduring impact in my life.
Today's post on The Walkabout is in Mr. Geoffrey Ndungu's memory.
"I'll tell you something,
It's not hard to die when you know you have lived, and I did.
First off, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and LOST remain my top favorite TV Shows, thanks to the thought-provoking life issues they are predicated on and consequently address.
The reason I mention Eli is that life is inundated with people in our lives who in retrospect, shape our opinions and change our perceptions. This they often do unwittingly, while going about their business and carrying out their duties.
Eli is a man who the Desperate Housewives audience meets only once, but we learn how deeply he affected the lives of Wysteria Lane residents.
Looking Back
When I was in Primary School, many of us thought that Mr Ndungu was fussy and unnecessarily strict. In adulthood however, one realizes that this was necessary to instill discipline and a culture of hard work in our young lives.
Through him, I learnt that hard work actually pays. At one point, it literally paid since he gave me a cash reward for getting an A in Maths (KCPE), the subject he taught us. I recall his good knowledge of the Bible, especially the book of Proverbs because every now and then, he would quote from it to emphasize many of his points.
He passionately hated those who steal or otherwise reap what others have sown. He repeatedly extolled the value of hard work, and has continually exuded it in his life.
The biggest lesson I have learnt from his life is that one has to be principled, and actually take personal responsibility. Most importantly, having the confidence to follow my heart, even when it leads me off the well worn path. I'm therefore able to effortlessly look well to each and every day.
The only time I met him while not his student is one evening after sunset at a fuelling station in Zambezi. The PSV I was in has developed mechanical problems and we were effectively stranded. As he fueled his car, Mr Ndungu recognized me and beckoned. Following pleasantries, he offered me a lift and on the way home, we discussed many things.
It was during the sunset years of the KANU government and his advise was that gone are the times when the government was dependable. It was now necessary, he said, for every person to actually get things done if any goals are to be achieved. He reminded me that as a young, educated and highly intelligent person, I have all the advantages that accorded me a head-start towards success.
On success however, he told me money was not everything, and many who have engaged in a mindless rush towards riches have only ended up frustrated, since greed for material things makes people miss out on the more important stuff in life.
He also told me that I need to always focus and not compare myself with others, since every person's life journey is as unique as that person. I remember the last thing he said as I reached my destination was that I should focus and not waste my life living another person's life. He finally wished me well in my studies, as I was then in campus.
Thanks to him and other men of his ilk, I have never let the noise of other people's opinions drown my inner voice.
Death
In his commencement address at Stanford University, Steve Jobs spoke of death as a common destination for us all. It is life's change agent, re reckoned.
Watch the above video and take notice of the three life stories that in Steve's opinion, characterize a life well lived viz:
Connecting the Dots
Love and Loss
Death
R.I.P. Mr Geoffrey Ndungu Kanini.
I've no doubt that yours was a life well lived.
Two years ago today, my grandma passed on at the ripe age of 98 years.
At the time, I wrote an RIP Grandma post on The Walkabout.
Looking back, I can only thank God for all her days, which epitomized a life well lived.
At the time of her death, she was blind, highly dependent and quite immobile. I however believe that she passed on to a place where she would see clearly and no longer be subject to human frailties. As Hellen Keller said:
"Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see."
I also believe that grandma's life was a success, and in recognition, I share the following poem which is near always misattributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson.
To laugh often and love much;
to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children;
to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others; to give of one’s self;
to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived — this is to have succeeded.
For those who know me or otherwise knew grandma, please take a moment and join me in thanking God for all the days she walked this earth.
This year, she would have been 100 years old. I am however immensely glad that during her days, she was able to achieve so much, most of which some of us still living today can only dream of.
Hope and death are diametrically opposite. We often hear of undying hope. And steadfast hope is invariably unrelenting, even to the point of death.
In Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne in his letter to Red had the following to say about hope:
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.
It is well known that losing hope heralds the beginning of an end which might otherwise have been averted.
We can learn enduring lessons from the animal kingdom. The following videos show the interesting relationship lions and elephants do have.
Many people in fact that death begins in the eyes, not in the heart, not in the lungs. And that is when people give up hope... when any life-form gives up hope.
But by the same token, you can get your hope back again. So just when you think it's all over, something else happens, some spark gets into you. Some sort of will to fight. That iron-will that we all have... everything has that will to survive, to fight, to push through that mental barrier... and to keep going.
Are you at that point in life where you feel like giving up?
Check out the videos above, and always remember that we start dying when we stop hoping.
Read more about:
Death,
determination,
hope,
overcoming odds,
TED Talks
We're almost done with the first week of 2012. After this, the year won't be that new after all...
In the previous post, I mentioned a STOP DOING LIST that Jim Collins considers the best new year resolution one can ever have. Well, today's post further explores similar thinking, all in the spirit of effecting enduring change in our lives.
Yeah, change. You see, we do not change who we are. What changes is aspects of our lives. I can change much of what I say, do or think. I however remain Pete R Njenga. A recent update on Twitter by @Amasy got me thinking...
For many of us, we have many things we need to stop doing. In fact, most of these things are addictions and bad habits that have taken control of our lives. It should be noted that in this context, an addiction is anything one is compelled to continually do, even if it feels good [but ain't right], at a time for and using energies that should be directed towards other things.
Reading Safe Haven [PDF] which is part of the personal stories in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, the featured alcoholic who lost nearly all continues to say:
Now willing to listen and take suggestions, I have found that the process of discovering who I really am begins with knowing who I really don't want to be.
I've realized that I cannot go back and make a brand-new start. But I can start now and make a brand-new end.
RIP Bob
Bob [foreground] and Amy [background]
In other news, one of my dogs died yesterday evening. He has been quite unwell since late last year and had lost significant weight. But he stayed strong till the end...
Despite medication, I bet that transition, much as I'd rather he didn't die, was for the best. Remember Steve Jobs saying the death is life's change agent?
I laid Bob to rest soon after his death just after sunset. I took time to recall all the good times we've had since I adopted him and his twin sister Amy in September 2010.
Bob, Amy & Fifi in Sep 2010
That was just a month after Locke died.
Locke and Fifi in August 2010
I then recited the following poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye, as I did when I buried my favorite cat Miau miau on a Tuesday morning, following his demise minutes before midnight on Monday, October 03, 2011.
Miau miau [black] and Fifi [grey]
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
Amy and Fifi are still around to keep me company and hopefully produce more offspring [they're both female].
"Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see."
On Thursday, July 21 at 1830hrs, my grandma passed on.
She lived for almost a century, and what a life it was! I do thank God that she died of old age, not disease or any other agonizing and painful condition.
We laid her to rest yesterday.
I won't eulogize her on this blog, but will just share Mary Elizabeth Frye's Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep poem and some photos of her resting place.
This poem is featured in Desperate Housewives s04ep10, where Karen McCluskey and Lynette Scavo scatter Ida Greenberg's ashes on a baseball field.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Kwaheri
Fare thee well grandma. God be with you till we meet again [lyrics].
"I'll tell you something, It's not hard to die when you know you have lived, and I did. Oh, how I lived." - Edie Britt (Desperate Housewives s05e19)
The Lessons We Must Learn
Only yesterday, I was watching season 5 of Desperate Housewives. The 100th episode (s05e13) is titled "The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened". Here, residents of Wysteria Lane remember how the neighborhood handyman Eli Scruggs deeply affected their lives.
Later on in episode 19, the housewives took time to remember Edie Britts, who really lived her life - a life that was one of a kind.
Steve Jobs on How to Live Before You Die
In 2005, Steve Jobs, the legendary Apple Inc. CEO gave a commencement address at Stanford University.
Following is his address:
In his talk, Steve Jobs outlined three life stories that in his opinion, characterize a life well lived:
Connecting the DotsYou can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards.So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
You have to trust in something... because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
Love and LossSometimes life's gonna hit you on the head with a brick. Dont lose faith.You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers.
Your work is gonna fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you you find it. And like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking, don't settle.
Death"If you live each day as if it's your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."Remembering that you are going to die, is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked, there is no reason not to follow your heart.
Death is the destination we all share. It's life's change agent, it clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you. But someday not too long from now, you'll gradually become the old, and be cleared away.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice.
Most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
In Other News...
Today is the first day of the year 2010. Amid all the fanfare and gratitude of making it through 2009 to see yet another year, do we have it within ourselves to let 2009 be the end of something, and 2010 the beginning of everything?
Like Abba said in their 1980 hit song Happy New Year (from the album Super Trouper):
Happy New Year... May we all have a vision now and then, Of a world where every neighbor is a friend, May we all have our hopes, our will to try, If we don't we might as well lay down and die... You and I.
Following is the video to this song:
We at The Walkabout and the greater Complit Communications family do wish you all the best in your life, your work, your studies and your dreams.
, where Karen McCluskey and Lynette Scavo scatter Ida Greenberg's ashes on a baseball field.
