Love, Relationships and Violence

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living wih the results of other people's thinking."

- Steve Jobs [2005 Stanford commencement address]

Self Righteousness

When I watched Jonathan Haidt's TED Talk about Morality and Openness to Experience, it became clear to me that being subjective in any decision making is the primary reason we are rarely open minded. In other words, objectivity can only prevail when we do not take sides.

Unfortunately, every one of us thinks they are invariably right. This is why it is very difficult to tell someone that s/he is making the wrong decisions in life.


Abusive Relationships

That said, I remember listening to Jam 316 a while back, hosted by Frederick Njiiri on Family Radio 316. Listeners were calling in to share their views after a lady called in, wondering what to do since her husband beats her up.

When asked if she has shared her predicament with her family or close friends, she said that she hasn't, because she will be embarrassed when others know that she is a victim of domestic violence.

As I listened to divergent opinions from other listeners who called in or shared on the show's Facebook page, I was vexed by two things:

1. a majority has gradually accepted that physical abuse by one spouse in marriages and relationships is a perfectly normal, natural and ordinary thing.
2. victims of domestic violence are unable to leave abusive relationships because of kids, stigma and a dependence on the abusive spouse or partner.

Is the Juice Worth the Squeeze?

I find it really hard to understand why people feel that they need other people to complete them. Or why people feel this irresistible urge to get into marriage. When shall we come to realize that other people should only complement, but not complete us?

Granted, I am not married nor in a relationship, those are situations I have opted to stay out of as long as possible for reasons that are beyond the scope of this post.

My question however remains: Are the people we closely relate with really indispensable?

Is it so hard to leave a situation that adversely affects you? Is there a shortage of spouses and partners in life, that I am unaware of? What happened to freedom and choice? Is continually living with some people really worth the trouble?


Self Deprecation

Stephen King, in The Dark Tower, writes

True love, like any other strong and addictive drug, is boring—once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome.
. . except, of course, to those who share the kisses, who give and take the caresses while every sound and color of the world seems to deepen and brighten around them. As with any other strong drug, true first love is really only interesting to those who have become its prisoners.
And, as is true of any other strong and addicting drug, true first love is dangerous.

His words somewhat explain the irrational behavior that many people exhibit when they are in relationships.

The Idea of True Love

Regardless of one's religious leanings or otherwise, I contend that some definitions hold true universally. In her song My Idea of Heaven, Leigh Nash concludes that being with family is indeed her idea of heaven.

In my mind, families are predicated on relationships. Family should therefore be the last place where one should be harmed - especially relationships and families that we create voluntarily through dating and marriage.

Furthermore, I have always maintained that things don't get bad over time, they start bad.
1 Corinthians 13 provides us with a very good definition of love. Have a look at it and should you be in a situation that falls short of this, my advice is that you should get out of it as soon as possible. It surely isn't worth your while.


* * *

 Every single I come across a media report where someone seriously harmed, or even killed a love interest or spouse, it makes me realize just how worthless some people consider others to be.
To forestall such unfortunate happenings, people, and especially women should realize that violence, in all its forms, has no place in any relationship. Learn to view yourself, and thereby live, according to how you view yourself. Not how he views you. There's no shortage of people who'll treat you with respect elsewhere in the world. Here's Orianthi with According to You.

Stop Hoping, Start Dying

Hope and death are diametrically opposite. We often hear of undying hope. And steadfast hope is invariably unrelenting, even to the point of death.

In Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne in his letter to Red had the following to say about hope:

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.

It is well known that losing hope heralds the beginning of an end which might otherwise have been averted. We can learn enduring lessons from the animal kingdom. The following videos show the interesting relationship lions and elephants do have.




The following emotional video from Beverly and Derek Joubert's TED Talk  The best takeaway is between 06:45 and 08:48.




Derek says:

Many people in fact that death begins in the eyes, not in the heart, not in the lungs. And that is when people give up hope... when any life-form gives up hope.

But by the same token, you can get your hope back again. So just when you think it's all over, something else happens, some spark gets into you. Some sort of will to fight. That iron-will that we all have... everything has that will to survive, to fight, to push through that mental barrier... and to keep going.

Are you at that point in life where you feel like giving up? Check out the videos above, and always remember that we start dying when we stop hoping.

Still Waiting for You Stroke of Insight?

Shortly after sunset yesterday, I was walking back home from visiting my parents. It is a half-hour walk that involves traversing a vast plain grassland and a steep hike as I near my humble abode that is situated atop a hill.

Needless to say, this walk presents much-needed alone time that I gladly often use to
Just as Enya sang, it is on my way home that I remember all the good things... Oops, I digress.

You see, living alone as I do, I have all the freedom to do whatever I please. Even worse, I have the freedom to NOT do that which I ought. Other than the logical and inevitable consequences or my actions or lack of them, I rarely have anyone to first consult while making most decisions that affect my life.

That said, I was thinking about abandoning something that I had initially purposed to do. There'd really be no much harm in doing so, but I'd feel bad about not working towards a certain goal, for no good reason.
Eventually, I decided to not abandon this project, and I am glad to report that I embarked on the work this morning and have every intention of sticking to it till completion.

In the following TED Talk, Jill Bolte Taylor had a life-threatening misfortune out of which she learnt much and became a totally different and dedicated individual. This was her stroke of insight.




While exploring the right kind of bad, we referenced Jill Bolte Taylor's TED Talk and underscored the essence of what's uncalled for in life. The following words by William James were a pivotal part of that post in February 2011.

Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

Further to the near-tragic incidence that heralded Jill's full engagement as an active voice for brain recovery, we still fail to accept what has happened and thereby do the needful in effecting change and realizing progress. The following song by the Soul Savers calls for a revival, and it inspired this post about cleaning our hands with dirty water. Check it out!



All in all, there is no need to wait for a life changing moment that will catapult us into making the necessary changes in our lives or living as we ought.
We need to appreciate that which we already have, start small, start now and persist and endure even as we dream BIG and work towards living our dreams.

Cheers to a thrilling Thursday!

Healthy Eating and Longevity

The Walkabout is a journey of insight, inspiration and self discovery.
Part of self discovery revolves around finding ways to better our lives, especially our physical well-being.

That said, a natural consequence of a healthy life is longevity. Everyone wants to live a long, healthy and fulfilling life. But nobody wants to live forever.

It turns out, there is a way, over and beyond genetic predisposition, that one can live for a very long time. In the following TED Talk by Dan Buettner, he explains that certain lifestyles dramatically affect the health, and consequently number of years, that those who live them have on earth.

Longevity

Dan Buettner on How to Live to be 100+



Watching what We Eat

Another variant to health is diet. We are what we eat. How often we eat, what we eat and whatever we do thereafter heavily bears on how we turn out eventually.

In the following TED Talk, Mark Bittman looks at our unhealthy eating habits and the unhealthy foods we eat, some of which have been found to increase the risk of cancer and other serious ailments.

Mark Bittman asks, What's Wrong with What We Eat?



Cheers to a fulfilling weekend. Now, will you drink to that?

The Wonderful Effect of Time

Taking Time to React
After Mwai Kibaki became the third President of Kenya in December 2002, I couldn't help but notice just how different his leadership style was from former President Moi's. Kibaki let his ministers actually guide policy and manage their ministries, he stayed away from the public spotlight and best of all, he took time to react to issues. In delegating and letting those under him be, President Mwai Kibaki was diametrically the opposite of a micro-manager like Amazon's Jeff Bezos.

While these attributes may come across as being stand-offish and indifferent, even bordering on negligence, there is much to learn from especially the third one, thanks to the keyword TIME.

You see, I realized in early 2003 that if the President of an independent republic would be patient and tolerant enough to take time before reacting to every thing that he had a say in, then there must be something worthwhile in the wait.

As we grew up, we were all taught  and constantly reminded to breathe in and count to ten whenever someone pissed us off, to never speak or act in anger, and that patience pays. Let us look at the wonderful effect of time in our lives.

Time is a gift
One of my favorite bloggers reckons that time is a gift. And I agree. She says,

Our Saviour has granted us a lot of gifts and one of the best is time. There are things that you go through in life: some good, some bad but what they both have is common is time.

Time does have this effect in life that we can barely understand. The passage of time changes attitudes and perceptions, makes pain go away, allows us to understand and appreciate what we couldn't before... time changes everything. In fact, we all know that time heals wounds. Inasmuch as scars may remain to constantly remind us what exactly happened, the passage of time will heal both emotional, psychological and physical wounds.

Time, and lessons learnt
Looking back, I remember some things I have said or written at a time of crisis, only to regret it after some time. Lately, I have however harnessed the wisdom of waiting it out, and saying or doing nothing no matter how much I'm tempted to react. It takes a great deal of determination to NOT DO something when you really feel that you have a right to say or do something in return.

With time, you cool down and even more interestingly, you begin to look at the same situation you were aching to react to in an entirely different way. This is the time when you realize that it was wise to not react too quickly, you have nothing to regret and should you act now, it will only be because it is necessary and you are now much wiser to handle the consequences of your actions.

Think about instances in your life when you had to resist the near-overwhelming urge to react to something. How did you manage to hold on and deal with the situation much later? Was the decision to wait a wise one? Has this made you better placed to deal with future situations and decisions that demand patience and tolerance.

Do you currently have very strong feelings of dissent about someone or something? Do you feel wronged and offended? Are you considering giving as good as you got and avenging yourself?
Well, take time and hold out. Give yourself a definite time to wait until you can deal with the situation or the person. It will surprise you how different your feelings and attitude will change after the waiting period.

Don't eat the marshmallow, yet.
In other news, success is also heavily hinged on our ability to wait. In his famous and engaging 2009 TED Talk, Joachim de Posada still reminds you to not eat the marshmallow... yet.



Have a great day.

Act Now. Let's Feed Fellow Kenyans

Transcending Religious, Ideological, and National difference 
When Karen Armstrong won the 2008 TED Prize, she made a wish: she sought help in creating, launching and propagating a Charter for Compassion.

Here's Karen at TED making her wish:



Following is the Charter for Compassion video on YouTube.



You can watch other TED videos on compassion here.

Beyond Compassion 
In view of the foregoing, it is incumbent upon us all to help fellow Kenyans who are dying of starvation.

At a time when the situation is already desperate for the unfortunate ones who have nothing to eat, we need to be more than compassionate. We need to act.
Thanks to the Kenya Red Cross, Ahmed Salim, and the rest of us who can at least spare a meal to feed another starving human being, we shall collectively save lives. Thereafter, we can tell these people about feeding themselves.

Following is Ahmed Salim's message, as published by Jacque on Wamathai's blog:

Jambo Kenya,

I woke up this morning with this guilt that we are ONE Nation and ONE people who would like to stand and speak ONE language of PEACE LOVE AND UNITY.

How can this happen when our own people in this country are suffering????

I do take up the initiative to have at least KENYANS ON TWITTER show their support and love by Sacrificing A Meal to help someone somewhere in this country.

My Target is to Have 10,000 KENYANS raise at least 250/= each and thus 2.5 Million shillings to FEED KENYA.

With the help of Kenya Red Cross - you can send your donations via MPESA

PAY BILL - 10,000


AC NAME - FEED KE


AMOUNT - (minimum 250/=)

AND you will have sacrificed a meal to Feed Kenya – Lets do this Kenya.

My Name is Ahmed Salim and I am A Kenyan @ahmedsalims

TUKO PAMOJA!!!! #SacrificeAMeal

You can now donate via Airtel Money, pay to nickname “REDCROSS” reference “FeedKE”

GOD BLESS.

Guys, let's do the needful. There is a reason why you and I are not the starving ones at this moment.
Join us and help feed our starving brothers and sisters with this #FeedKE initiative.

Thank you.

The Sixth Sense

My mind is all on the Tablet computer that I need to get myself before this year is over. It is without a doubt the ASUS eee Pad Transformer.

I have however seen demos of the awesomeness of the Tablet experience when Pranav Mistry demonstrated the interaction of our physical world with the digital world. This was already happenning in 2009, thanks to the MIT Media Lab.
Have a look at the following TED Talks:

Pranav Mistry: The thrilling potential of SixthSense technology



Pattie Maes and Pranav Mistry demo SixthSense



What do you think of the above demos?

Have a lovely weekend good people.
Cheers!

:)

Everything Happens for a Reason

Every once in a while, something happens in life that makes you question all logical arguments and reasoning to support it. You suddenly feel like you can somewhat understand whatever Job [in the Bible] felt while he endured all his suffering. Yet you question it all, wondering why it had to happen to you.

Destiny
I have previously written several LOST inspired posts on this blog, which are invariably profound. Before proceeding, you may want to read the 'Everything Happens for a Reason' post, where we explored the meaning of destiny in terms of both fate and purpose.

Consider the following LOST video [from Exodus, the season 1 finale] and [part of] the dialogue that follows it:

JACK: Look, I need for you — I need for you to explain to me what the hell’s going on inside your head, John. I need to know why you believe that that thing wasn’t gonna-

LOCKE: I believe that I was being tested.

JACK: Tested?

LOCKE: Yeah, tested.

LOCKE: I think that’s why you and I don’t see eye-to-eye sometimes, Jack — because you’re a man of science.

JACK: Yeah, and what does that make you?

LOCKE: Me, well, I’m a man of faith. Do you really think all this is an accident — that we, a group of strangers survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? Do you think we crashed on this place by coincidence — especially, this place? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason, all of us. Each one of us was brought here for a reason.

Can Lightning Strike Twice?
Many people contend that it cannot. I however beg to differ.

Writing this particular post is highly emotional for me, because it tells the story of a close friend who has undergone what I can only refer to as double jeopardy. Please note that I do not mean that dual jeopardy in law, which is in itself bad enough and therefore protected by Fifth Amendment Rights thanks to Miranda precedents.

It so happened that this friend successfully completed his University education in 2008 and got a good job, and proceeded to enroll for a Masters degree in a related field.
One day in 2009, he accompanied his friends for a hike at the Ngong Hills. At around 6pm, a group of his friends were attacked by muggers, and as he tried to help, his left eye was pierced with a dagger. He subsequently lost that eye.

The Second Hit
Just a few weeks ago, he and his dad were driving at night when spikes placed on the road resulted in a flat tire. Stopping to change it, the highway robbers responsible attacked them. This incident left both of them with head injuries, mostly superficial.
Unfortunately for my friend, his right eye was cut at the time and he has lost it as well. He is now physically blind, thanks to thugs who prefer to injure others in their attempt to reap where they do not bother to sow.

What to Do
I find it really hard to understand why he's had to lose his eyes when he needs them the most, why only his eyes sustained serious injury in both incidents, why this has happened in a space of only two years.... and so many other questions.
I however find solace in the knowledge that Hellen Keller was able to live in a silent, dark and lonely world since she could not see, hear or speak. All this has happened for a reason, and my friend will find his place in his new world. I believe that God will open his eyes to a means of perception quite unlike our own, which may even prove to be more beneficial for our friend.

The following TED Talk is proof enough that breakthroughs exist to unlock those who are locked in. I have no doubt that all is not lost for my friend.



In view of the foregoing, it is incumbent upon each and every one of us to realize that everything, whether good or otherwise, happens for a reason.
Even more important, whenever you feel like you're going through a lot in life, always know that others already have done so, and that makes you able to overcome your odds whatever they be and however unique you think they are.

Let's get working to facilitate the rediscovery of wonder. Everything is always impossible until someone does something about it. If not now, then when? And if not me, then who?
We currently have all our abilities for a reason. Do the needful in honoring that reason.

Determination = Strong WILL + Stronger WON'T

On Tuesday this week, SavvyKenya [one of my favorite bloggers], shared some 17 Tips to boost one's productivity. Reading through the tips, I found the following tip quite interesting:

15. Keep a “Stop Doing List”.

Most of these lists usually contain things that one has to start doing, so I take notice the few times I come across something that one has to stop doing.
The aforementioned tip reminds me of Jim Collins's article about Resolutions. In this article, Jim Collins asserts that we no longer live disciplined lives, ours have instead become busy lives.
In such a situation, there is no time to pause and ask if whatever we are doing is indeed the right thing.

He therefore proposes that one come up with a stop doing list and make this the cornerstone of his/her New Year resolutions, be it for company, family or self.

For one to be able to stop doing something however, self control and restraint are paramount.
It all boils down to delaying gratification, with a view of doing the right thing, and thereby cultivating one's moral intelligence. We highlighted the same in an earlier post.



This is what Joachim de Posada was talking about in his famous 'Don't Eat the Marshmallow Yet' TED Talk above.

All in all, determination to me is more of a stronger WON'T than a strong WILL. It is harder to stop doing something one is already accustomed to than to embark on new things.
As I get ready to do a searching and fearless inventory of my life as I do every end month, I'll be keen to set aside those things I need to stop doing. I already have a list as we speak, only that a discussion of my personal life is beyond the scope of this blog and I cannot therefore share my list ;)
What about you? Anything you need to stop doing from now on?

Love, Relationships and Violence

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living wih the results of other people's thinking."

- Steve Jobs [in his 2005 Stanford commencement address]

Self Righteousness

When I watched Jonathan Haidt's TED Talk about Morality and Openness to Experience, it became clear to me that being subjective in any decision making is the primary reason we are rarely open minded. In other words, objectivity can only prevail when we do not take sides.

Unfortunately, every one of us thinks they are invariably right.
This is why it is very difficult to tell someone that s/he is making the wrong decisions in life.

Abusive Relationships

That said, I took time this morning to listen to Jam 316, hosted by Frederick Njiiri on Radio 316. Listeners were calling in to share their views after a lady called in, wondering what to do since her husband beats her up.

When asked if she has shared her predicament with her family or close friends, she said that she hasn't, because she will be embarassed when others know that she is a victim of domestic violence.

As I listened to divergent opinions from other listeners who called in or shared on the show's Facebook page, I was vexed by two things:

1. a majority has gradually accepted that physical abuse by one spouse in marriages and relationships is a perfectly normal, natural and ordinary thing.
2. victims of domestic violence are unable to leave abusive relationships because of kids, stigma and a dependence on the abusive spouse or partner.

Is the Juice Worth the Squeeze?

I find it really hard to understand why people

Granted, I am not married nor in a relationship, those are situations I have opted to stay out of as long as possible for reasons that are beyond the scope of this post.

My question however remains: Are the people we closely relate with really indispensable?

Is it so hard to leave a situation that adversely affects you? Is there a shortage of spouses and partners in life, that I unaware of? What happened to freedom and choice? Is continually living with some people really worth the trouble?

Self Deprecation

Stephen King, in The Dark Tower, writes

True love, like any other strong and addictive drug, is boring—once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome.
. . except, of course, to those who share the kisses, who give and take the caresses while every sound and color of the world seems to deepen and brighten around them. As with any other strong drug, true first love is really only interesting to those who have become its prisoners.
And, as is true of any other strong and addicting drug, true first love is dangerous.

His words somewhat explain the irrational behavior that many people exhibit when they are in relationships.

The Idea of True Love

I subscribe to the Christian faith, but I contend that some definitions hold true universally. In her song My Idea of Heaven, Leigh Nash concludes that being with family is indeed her idea of Heaven.

In my mind, families are predicated on relationships. Family should therefore be the last place where one should be harmed - especially relationships and families that we get into voluntarily through dating and marriage.

Furthermore, I have always maintained that things don't get bad over time, they start bad.
1 Corinthians 13 provides us with a very good definition of love. Have a look at it and should you be in a situation that falls short of this, my advice is that you should get out of it as soon as possible. It surely isn't worth your while.

The Right Kind of Bad

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."

- William James

Good from Bad?

Lately, I have been thinking about the good that often comes out of bad things. Yeah... I deliberately used the word 'often' right there :)

That reminded me of this blog post that was written in July 2009, based on an unfortunate incident in October 2008.

Challenging Convention

While on a brief phone conversation with my lovely friend L this morning, we both agreed that a simple and uncommon life can be profoundly fulfilling. Such an unconventional life is hard to come by however, and often involves much sacrifice, courage, resilience and unrelentingly sticking to one's stated objectives.

Going against the grain often seems a bad thing, but I'm willing to bet that it is the right kind of bad.

The Benefits of Tragedy

That aside, we often undergo difficult and unfortunate situations in life. They often seem insurmountable, hitting us at the worst possible time. Two women had such experiences, and they proceeded to draw much needed insight and shared this with the world. It is indeed true that beautiful disasters exist.

In the following video, Jill Bolte Taylor had a stroke of insight...

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

For Stacey Kramer, an unwanted, frightening, traumatic and costly  experience can turn out to be a priceless gift.

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

See the GOOD in BAD

Have you recently had a misfortune that you find very hard to understand?

Well, there is something worth learning in that misfortune. Even better, it is most likely that there is much benefit in it too. So stop whining and seek to uncover, learn from and benefit from your bad experiences.

Exiting the Moral Matrix: Ideology and Openness to Experience

NOTE:
This post is the second in my 3-part Valentines Day series, that seeks to take a different approach to Love and Valentines. The first one was Human Becoming: Practical Steps to Self Respect and Compassionate Relationships.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
- Herbert Spencer

Late last year, I watched Jonathan Haidt's TED Talk about Objectivity and the Moral Matrix.
His talk inspired this post on The Walkabout.

Nudity or Art?

Weeks later, I uploaded the following photo on Facebook, and a "good friend" whom I've known for years promptly reprimanded me by way of a phone call and a comment on Facebook. Ben's words [not ad verbum] were as follows:

"Pete you can surely do better. I am very ashamed to say the least..."

Well, I had no words for this guy. The fact that he was deeply offended by artwork, and chose to see nudity instead of art, makes me wonder what he'd say if he saw Michelangelo's David [above].

Talking about Sex

"The books the world calls immoral
are the books that show the world its shame."

- C S Lewis

Apparently, the human condition is such that we prefer to look at only one side of the coin. We usually choose to see what is bad, salacious or compromising.

Thing is, sometimes we are so deeply corrupted that we cannot tell that we are compromised in the first instance, let alone reckon to what extent.

When I was in Campus, my friend Fridah was shocked to see me reading Eric Griffin-Shelley's book 'Sex and Love: Addiction, Treatment and Recovery'. She loudly wondered why I would be reading such a book if I wasn't a recovering addict. She however changed her mind after she read several pages of the book.

You can in fact read this book at Questia.

Being Open-Minded

This post should prepare you for what we shall be looking at on Wednesday: Sex and Love Addiction.

Many of us would rather not even think about their sex lives and relationships, always reaching for the private, personal and similar cards whenever these topics are raised.

As Valentines Day approaches we need to be open minded and see ourselves for what we really are. Now is the time to sit ourselves down and take a more searching and serious look at our relationships.

You're be surprised at how much you've been wallowing in a miasma of deceit and self righteousness. Now is the time to get out of this quagmire.

Next, we take a look at The Sex and Love Addiction Quagmire - A Cautionary Tale

Living in 2010

"I'll tell you something,
It's not hard to die when you know you have lived, and I did.
Oh, how I lived."
- Edie Britt (Desperate Housewives s05e19)

The Lessons We Must Learn

Only yesterday, I was watching season 5 of Desperate Housewives. The 100th episode (s05e13) is titled "The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened". Here, residents of Wysteria Lane remember how the neighborhood handyman Eli Scruggs deeply affected their lives.

Later on in episode 19, the housewives took time to remember Edie Britts, who really lived her life - a life that was one of a kind.

Steve Jobs on How to Live Before You Die

In 2005, Steve Jobs, the legendary Apple Inc. CEO gave a commencement address at Stanford University.

Following is his address:

In his talk, Steve Jobs outlined three life stories that in his opinion, characterize a life well lived:

1. Connecting the DotsYou can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards.So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
   
   You have to trust in something... because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.


2. Love and LossSometimes life's gonna hit you on the head with a brick. Dont lose faith.You've got to find what you love, and that is as true  for work as it is for your lovers.
   
   Your work is gonna fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.
   
   If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you you find it. And like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking, don't settle.


3. Death"If you live each day as if it's your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."Remembering that you are going to die, is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked, there is no reason not to follow your heart.
   
   Death is the destination we all share. It's life's change agent, it clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you. But someday not too long from now, you'll gradually become the old, and be cleared away.
   
   Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice.
   
   Most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

In Other News...

Today is the first day of the year 2010. Amid all the fanfare and gratitude of making it through 2009 to see yet another year, do we have it within ourselves to let 2009 be the end of something, and 2010 the beginning of everything?

Like Abba said in their 1980 hit song Happy New Year (from the album Super Trouper):

Happy New Year... May we all have a vision now and then,
Of a world where every neighbor is a friend,
May we all have our hopes, our will to try,
If we don't we might as well lay down and die... You and I.

Following is the video to this song:



We at The Walkabout and the greater Complit Communications family do wish you all the best in your life, your work, your studies and your dreams.

Cheers, and Say Hello to 2010!

The Laws of Simplicity

Less is More

Simplicity is a vital aspect of life that is often overlooked. Many believe that complex means more, and therefore better. The truth is quite to the contrary.

In design, simplicity is a key component of a rich user experience and robust function. This has been further explored at Complit Design. Less is more in design, and therefore better.

A Simple Life. A Life most Uncommon

The complexities of daily living make it hard for us to imagine living a simple life. There's simply so much to consider, so much to attend to and so much that is expected of us.

With all this in mind, we seldom have time to even notice and appreciate the simple things in life that matter the most.

The Laws of Simplicity

[caption id="attachment_461" align="aligncenter" width="201" caption="The Laws of Simplicity by John Maeda"][/caption]



John Maeda is a renowned graphic designer, artist and computer scientist at the MIT Media Lab.

He also co-directs the radical SIMPLICITY initiative which seeks to re-examine ways of breaking free from the complexity of today's technology and redefine the way users relate to the technology in their daily lives.

He wrote The Laws of Simplicity in 2005/6. The book details the following 10 Laws:

1. REDUCE
   The simplest way to achieve simplicity is through thoughtful reduction.


2. ORGANIZE
   Organization makes a system of many appear fewer.


3. TIME
   Savings in time feel like simplicity.


4. LEARN
   Knowledge makes everything simpler.


5. DIFFERENCES
   Simplicity and complexity need each other.


6. CONTEXT
   What lies in the periphery of simplicity is definitely not peripheral.


7. EMOTION
   More emotions are better than less.


8. TRUST
   In simplicity we trust.


9. FAILURE
   Some things can never be made simple.


10. THE ONE
    Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious, and adding the meaningful.

You can read about the 10 laws at the Laws of Simplicity web site.

Read The Book

Having looked at the excerpt and watched John Maeda's TED Talk about the simple life, The Laws of Simplicity is a book worth reading.

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

It is bound to remind you some simple truths that can positively affect both your personal and professional life.

Delayed Gratification. Self Control. Most vital Ingredients for Success

Don't Eat the Marshmallow, yet.

This is a short talk Dr Joachim De Posada gave at the 2009  TED U conference. He underscores the essence of delaying gratification and having self control, character traits which should be grained from an early stage in child development.

In fact, this character trait can be used to predict future success in a person.

Be edified:



Watch the talk, download the video (19.8MB, MP4) and join the discussion at the TED web site.

Learn, share and don't you eat the marshmallow, yet.

Security and insecurity, heroes and warriors: Eve Ensler's TED Talk

Following is a TED Talk by Eve Ensler, founder of the Vagina Monologues.

Be edified:



Learn, share and be safe & secure.

Objectivity, Self Righteousness and exiting The Moral Matrix: Jonathan Haidt's TED Talk

TED Talks

I have lately been on a TED Talks binge, both on The Walkabout and on the Green Initiatives blog. I cannot seem to get enough of these talks. They truly are ideas worth sharing. So, today I present one of my top favorite TED Talks.

Jonathan Haidt

On 20th March, I wrote about Jonathan Haidt's book, The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, after watching him on TED.

In this TED Talk, Jonathan Haidt talks about ideology and openness to experience. He discusses moral psychology, and outlines the moral roots of, and major differences between liberals and conservatives.

Watch the talk, read comments and download the video on the TED web site.

Key highlights:

• People who are higher on openness to experience just crave novelty, variety, diversity, new ideas, travel.
  People low on it like things that are familiar, that are safe and dependable.

• "Open individuals have an affinity for liberal, progressive, left-wing political views, whereas closed inviduals prefer conservative, traditional, right wing views"
  - McCrae

• When people all share values, when people all share morals, they become a team, and once you engage the psychology of teams, it shuts down open minded thinking.

• The first draft of the moral mind.
  "The initial organization of the brain does not rely that much on experience... Nature provides a first draft, which experience then revises... 'Built in' does not mean unmalleable; it means organized in advance of experience."
  - Marcus

• The Five Foundations of Morality
  1. Harm/Care
  2. Fairness/Reciprocity
  3. Ingroup/Loyalty
  4. Authority/Respect
  5. Purity/Sanctity

• The truth of social entropy is that "Order tends to decay."

• Traditional authority and morality can be quite repressive and restrictive to those at the bottom, to women and to people that don't fit in.

• Liberals speak for the weak and oppressed; they want change and justice, even at the risk of chaos.

• Conservatives speak for institutions and traditions; want order even if at cost to those at the bottom.

• "The restraints on men, as well as their liberties, are to be reckoned among their rights"
  - Edmund Burke

• "If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against.
  The struggle between "for" and "against" is the mind's worst disease."
  - Sent-ts'an

• Our Righteous Minds were designed to...
  1. unite us into teams
  2. divide us against other teams
  3. blind us to the truth

Let us learn, share and purpose to be objective, by cultivating moral humility, acknowledging and respecting the differing opinions of others.

Learning, Sharing, Innovation, Collaboration and The AmateurProfessional: Charles Leadbeater's TED Talk

A friend recently asked me why and how I am especially passionate about my work (web/graphic design and creative writing). Another one complimented me on my profound Facebook and Twitter updates, and made an informed guess that I must be a dude who reads a lot. Which is true.

Earlier today, I was watching Charles Leadbeater's TED talk. Quite interesting and edifying  I must say, even though it was filmed four years ago. More importantly, this talk gave me the perfect content to wind up April's posts on Peter's Walkabout. Be edified:

Watch the talk, read reviews and comments and download the video on the TED web site.

In the above talk, Charles Leadbeater underscores a truth that many corporations and organizations are yet to embrace: the passionate and innovative amateur professional... accepting that you don't need a big organization to be organized.

The same message was delivered more recently by Jacek Utko in his TED Talk about good design. Jacek said,

you can live in a small poor country, you can work for a small company, in a boring branch, you can have no budgets, no people, but still you can put your work to the highest possible level. And everybody can do it. You just need inspiration, vision and determination. And you need to remember that to be good, is not enough.

Let us learn, share and realize that all one needs to put their work to the highest possible level is inspiration, vision and determination.

And the fact that everybody can do it. If only they can engage their talents, practise doing what they love and love their work.

Screw It. Let's Do It: Lessons in Life and Business by Sir Richard Branson

Sir Richard Branson
Besides Apple Inc CEO Steve Jobs, Richard Branson is one of those individuals I hold in very high regard. The Virgin Group Chairman is a maverick, a legend and a genius. His avant-garde way of doing things is world-renown, and it has won him as much respect as it has put him in personal danger.

Watching Richard Branson at TED, you realize he is one of those people who had humble beginnings, but rose to prominence through hard work, determination and discipline. His self belief has propelled him in life, in business and in those dare-devil stunts he keeps pulling.

Richard Branson has a penchant for unconventional things. He is a natural round peg in a square hole. For instance, his book titles viz: 'Losing My Virginity', 'Business Stripped Bare' and 'Screw It. Let's Do It' further enhance his boldness in daring to think and be different.

Screw It. Let's Do It.
This is an easy to read book that simply offers lessons in life and in business.  It has received favorable reviews at Amazon and elsewhere. Following is a sample review:

It's quick, it's easy, it's not preachy, it's positive. It's packed full of good advice and examples from Richard Branson's own life. He calls them his "lessons in life". He also says, "A journey of a thousand miles starts with that first step" -- and he's right.
Reading this book, by the friendly genius that the media has dubbed a maverick in paradise, could be that first step to a positive and fulfilling life and perhaps a wealthy one. He says he can't tell people how to get rich fast and he doesn't have any secrets to success; all he has is "truths" and examples that worked for him and could work for you.
Making money isn't his first goal -- having fun and doing good are. But he says if you have fun, then the money will come -- and explains why he says it. Every chapter is filled with his philosophy, spelled out in a simple and direct way. Chapter headings like "Just Do It!" "Be Bold"; "Have Fun!"; "Challenge Yourself"; "Value Family and Friends" are useful guides for everyone to follow.
It's a great little book to read at odd moments. I read it all the way through in less than an hour, and instantly felt driven and motivated to get cracking with that project I've been putting off.
Everyone should read this book and every teenager should be given a copy. It could be resonsible for turning things around and producing a society of motivated go-getters.

Read another comprehensive review at the Financial Inspiration Cafe.

Book Highlights
Following are the chapter titles and key highlights in the book:

1. Just Do It

• Believe it can be done


• Have Goals


• Live life to the full


• Never Give Up


• Prepare Well


• Have Faith in Yourself


• Help Each other

2. Have Fun

• Have fun, work hard and money will come


• Don't waste time - grab your chances


• Have a positive outlook on life


• When it's not fun, move on

3. Be Bold

• Calculate the risks and take them


• Believe in yourself


• Chase your dreams and goals


• Have no regrets


• Be bold


• Keep your word

4. Challenge yourself

• Aim high


• Try new things


• Always try


• Challenge yourself

5. Stand on your own feet

• Rely on yourself


• Chase your dreams, but live in the real world


• Work Together

6. Live the Moment

• Love life and live it to the full


• Enjoy the moment


• Reflect on your life


• Make every second count


• Don't have Regrets

7. Value Family and Friends

• Put the family and the team first


• Be loyal


• Face problems head on


• Money is for making things happen


• Pick the right people and reward talent

8. Have Respect

• Be polite and Respectful


• Do the Right thing


• Keep your good name


• Be fair in all your dealings

9. Do some good

• Change the world, even if in a small way


• Make a difference and help others


• Do no harm


• Always think of what you can do to help

Bottom Line
This book is highly recommended. I have started reading it, and like both the content therein and its presentation.

In the epilogue, Richard Branson sums up by saying the following:

I have always lived my life by thriving on chances and adventure. The motive that drives me has always been to set myself challenges and try to achieve them. Every lesson I have learned has been as a direct result of these tests.

In closing, the book simply reverts to its title - the fact that it all boils down to doing.

All the things in this book are my lessons and my goals in life, the things I believe in. But they are not unique to me. Everyone needs to keep learning. Everyone needs goals. Each and every one of my lessons can be applied to all of us. Whatever we want to be, whatever we want to do, we can do it. Go ahead. Take that first step - just do it.

That's it people. Richard Branson has said it all, and said it really well.

Let us learn, share and actually get to do the needful. Screw It. Let's Do It!

The Essence of Giving Power to good Designers who are Inspired, Visionary and Determined

I have just watched Jacek Utko's TED talk, where he sought to answer the question: "Can Design save the newspaper?"

[caption id="attachment_224" align="aligncenter" width="254" caption="Jacek Utko"][/caption]

Jacek Utko is a polish designer who suggests that it's time for a fresh, top-to-bottom rethink of the newspaper. In his work, he's proved that good design can help readers reconnect with newspapers.
Despite being a little-known newspaper designer, his redesigns not only win awards, but increase circulation by up to 100%. In the following TED talk, Jacek says in no uncertain terms:

"you can live in a small poor country, you can work for a small company, in a boring branch, you can have no budgets, no people, but still you can put your work to the highest possible level. And everybody can do it. You just need inspiration, vision and determination. And you need to remember that to be good, is not enough."

You can watch this talk, read reviews and download the video on the TED web site.

On the day the Daily Metro (a publication of Nation Media Group), gets retired, the following insights from Jacek Utko's web site are worth thinking about:

7 Steps to (Design) Success

1. Strategy and goal
   What do you want to achieve? Increase sales? Attract new readers? Change image?


2. Newspaper content
   Is the change of content necessary? Is the paper structure clear? What are the reader's needs?


3. Design
   Is design coherent with strategy and content?


4. Focus Groups
   Will readers accept it?


5. Organization and planning
   How to improve workflow and planning?


6. Marketing
   How to self-promote our content?


7. Implementation
   Presentation and training, style book, supervision

This post will be especially  helpful to those in the creative, publishing and marketing services industry. In a broader perspective however, the above design insights and TED talk are useful to anyone who is in the business of adding value.

That undoubtedly includes everyone, with no exceptions whatsoever.

Let us learn, share and purpose to add value both in our lives and those of others.