Making Value Judgments

I have always wondered why it's never a big issue to buy someone beer or lunch worth thousands of shillings, but nearly impossible to just give him/her that exact amount in cash for no consideration at all. In fact, lending him/her that same amount as a repayable loan is rarely done so willingly.

In my thinking, the reason is partly because of the value we attach to some gestures. Giving away cash, even to a friend is in our minds not the same as buying the friend lunch, beer, a gift or any other act where you end up spending the same amount.
In other words, our judgment of value is not exactly rational.

In 2005, Dan Gilbert gave a talk at TED, where he explored our mistaken expectations. Check it out below:



In light of the above, how exactly do you make value judgments?

Have a great day.

The Kindness of Strangers

Hello November :)

Punctuality is the politeness of princes, goes the adage.

I was recently discussing gratitude with one of my best friends. She had, at some point in July this year, pointed out how I seemed so grateful about nearly everything in life. Even those seemingly insignificant small things.
At the time, I felt really flattered and purposed to be even more grateful.

The good books says,

Let the giving of thanks be your sacrifice to God, and give to the almighty all that you promised.
- Psalm 50:14

Looking back, I realize that I am where I am today because countless other people have made it possible. Even more profound, most of what they did and continue to do isn't necessarily what they had to do. In other words, they simply go the extra mile for me when they don't have to.

In my own life, I have come to realize that a willingness to help someone who may either never recognize or even acknowledge your assistance is a noble, albeit rare character trait. In fact, it demands more to help such people than to help those who may not be in a position to pay back or return the favor.

And this becomes a key pillar of what I seek to adopt and nurture in my life. Being altruistic essentially takes a genuine intention to make others' lives better, it demands that one consider others before his/her self.
Have you recently done something kind for someone who may never know that you did it, who may actually not appreciate nor requite it? Do you help strangers? How did it feel? Are you still proud that you assisted or do you regret it?

Back to our polite princes, they are not duty bound to be punctual. They can do as they wish. But princes who respect the value of time both to themselves and to those who wait for them are indeed worth their royal standing. Punctuality is the politeness of princes.

Finally, kindness and the ensuing gratitude are never in vain. Here's the reason why:

Have a blessed month.

Reprimanding Loved Ones

Love is a #$%^&%*...

Back in the day, I was watching the movie Old School and heard these words by a waiter, words that would ordinarily be ignored, or worse, be taken in bad taste.
Well, the movie starts with Mitch speaking about how hard it is to find true love. This is further emphasized when he gets back home earlier than expected, only to discover that his girlfriend Heidi is being blatantly unfaithful...

That aside, I have often been surprised, in fact infuriated, by how people who are supposedly close and in love treat each other. That intolerance, the irritating habit of blowing things out of proportion and throwing tantrums as if either of the parties is eagerly waiting for the other to make a small mistake... that is what largely kept me away from relationships in my younger years. In fact, I nowadays keep these pretentious liaisons at bay because of many reasons, this one being a prime reason.

So what makes people behave this way?

It so happens that when people get really close, they somewhat idolize each other. There is the illusion that the significant other is such a good person, you stop seeing their human imperfections and imagine that they cannot go wrong. You see everything by and about them as prefect and therefore invariably right.

With time however, reality checks in and mistakes and defects of character start manifesting themselves. As Stephen King put it,

once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome…

This unfortunately is the time when people incessantly judge and misunderstand each other, words and deeds are misinterpreted and quarrels become the order of the day.

How to Deal With This

The easiest solution is to simply understand that even those close to us are still human and are therefore not immune to every-day screw-ups in life. They are not perfect, they make mistakes and the reason we are together is so that we can add value in each others life, thereby becoming better persons.

Relationships, be they personal or professional, are not about two perfect entities interacting closely. They are about perfecting, and that can only be done on something on, and by persons who are inherently imperfect.

If the love and affection that brings two people together is genuine, these two people need to be accommodating, lenient and immensely understanding. Solutions should be sought using meaningful and mature dialogue.