Reprimanding Loved Ones

Love is a #$%^&%*...

Back in the day, I was watching the movie Old School and heard these words by a waiter, words that would ordinarily be ignored, or worse, be taken in bad taste.
Well, the movie starts with Mitch speaking about how hard it is to find true love. This is further emphasized when he gets back home earlier than expected, only to discover that his girlfriend Heidi is being blatantly unfaithful...

That aside, I have often been surprised, in fact infuriated, by how people who are supposedly close and in love treat each other. That intolerance, the irritating habit of blowing things out of proportion and throwing tantrums as if either of the parties is eagerly waiting for the other to make a small mistake... that is what largely kept me away from relationships in my younger years. In fact, I nowadays keep these pretentious liaisons at bay because of many reasons, this one being a prime reason.

So what makes people behave this way?

It so happens that when people get really close, they somewhat idolize each other. There is the illusion that the significant other is such a good person, you stop seeing their human imperfections and imagine that they cannot go wrong. You see everything by and about them as prefect and therefore invariably right.

With time however, reality checks in and mistakes and defects of character start manifesting themselves. As Stephen King put it,

once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome…

This unfortunately is the time when people incessantly judge and misunderstand each other, words and deeds are misinterpreted and quarrels become the order of the day.

How to Deal With This

The easiest solution is to simply understand that even those close to us are still human and are therefore not immune to every-day screw-ups in life. They are not perfect, they make mistakes and the reason we are together is so that we can add value in each others life, thereby becoming better persons.

Relationships, be they personal or professional, are not about two perfect entities interacting closely. They are about perfecting, and that can only be done on something on, and by persons who are inherently imperfect.

If the love and affection that brings two people together is genuine, these two people need to be accommodating, lenient and immensely understanding. Solutions should be sought using meaningful and mature dialogue.

Time to Think Again

Slightly over two years ago, I wrote this post on The Walkabout, about a most profound book. Aptly titled  Critical Thinking: Tools For Taking Charge Of Your Professional And Personal Life, the book is all about our thoughts, especially how they affect our development and ultimately, the quality of our lives. It then behooves us to channel and leverage our thinking such that we are in charge of our lives.

At the time, I even gave a few copies free to some of our readers.

This book is one of those you keep getting back to read, if only to refresh whatever you have so far gained from it. In this regard, it is worth noting that there is something new to gain every time I take another look at it's priceless insights.

You are What You Think
That's what the good people at CriticalThinking.org say in introducing this book.

Everything you do in life is determined by the quality of your thinking. If you aren't thinking clearly, you're at the mercy of everyone else-from dishonest politicians to aggressive, stop-at-nothing ad agencies. Unfortunately, many people never give any thought to how they think. No wonder they're susceptible to the frustration, pain, ineffectiveness, and financial loss that result directly from poorly considered thinking. Critical Thinking is about becoming a better thinker in every aspect of your life-as a professional, as a consumer, citizen, friend, parent, and even as a lover.

Following is a snapshot of what you'll find inside this awesome book:

Acknowledgment Preface
Ch. 1:    Thinking in a World of Accelerating Change and Intensifying Danger
Ch. 2:    Becoming a Critic of Your Thinking
Ch. 3:    Becoming a Fair-Minded Thinker
Ch. 4:    Self-Understanding
Ch. 5:    The First Four Stages of Development: What Level Thinker are You?
Ch. 6:    The Parts of Thinking
Ch. 7:    The Standards for Thinking
Ch. 8:    Design Your Life
Ch. 9:    The Art of Making Intelligent Decisions
Ch. 10: Taking Charge of Your Irrational Tendencies
Ch. 11:  Monitoring Your Sociocentric Tendencies
Ch. 12:  Developing as an Ethical Reasoner
Ch. 13:  Analyzing and Evaluating Thinking in Corporate and Organizational Life
Ch. 14:  The Power and Limits of Professional Knowledge (And of the Disciplines that Underlie Them)
Ch. 15:  Strategic Thinking Part One
Ch. 16:  Strategic Thinking Part Two
Glossary: A Guide to Critical Thinking Terms and Concepts References

The Challenge
What kind of a thinker are you?
In writing Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life, Richard W. Paul and Linda Elder detail the six stages of thinking. These are:

• Stage 1 The Unreflective Thinker (we are unaware of significant problems in our thinking)
• Stage 2 The Challenged Thinker (we become aware of problems in our thinking)
• Stage 3 The Beginning Thinker (we try to improve, but without regular practice)
• Stage 4 The Practicing Thinker (we recognize the necessity of regular practice)
• Stage 5 The Advanced Thinker (we advance in accordance with our practice)
• Stage 6 The Master Thinker (skilled and insightful thinking becomes second nature)

I very strongly recommend that you get a copy of this book. "Why?" you ask. My answer: You are what you think. It is the quality of your thinking that determines all else.

Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom

"The first Degree of Folly, is to conceit one’s self wise;
the second to profess it;
the third to despise Counsel."
- Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richard's Almanak)

The very thought of finding modern truth in ancient wisdom came alive in my mind after I read Jonathan Haidt's 'Happiness Hypothesis'.
In the book, Mr Haidt examines ten ancient ideas which have been tested and qualified by modern science. He then extracts lessons that still apply in our modern lives.

The author states that the overwhelming availability and abundance of wisdom undermines the quality of our engagement in life.
This book is worth reading, and has been highlighted in The Walkabout in a previous post. The introduction and several chapter summaries are available for free download.

One of my favorite bloggers at Diasporadical recently wrote that the reason we cannot understand tradition is that we invariably look at it through modern eyes.

Whenever I spend an hour or two with senior citizens in my neighborhood, I usually consider that time precious. Their take on life and its attendant issues may seem at first glance a bit out of fashion.
They however have had the advantage of time, having lived through it all and seen times change. They may not have adapted their thinking, but their opinion surely does count.

That said, we may want to look back at the truths that still hold true regardless of how much has changed. Having an attitude that acknowledges and accommodates the notion that change does not necessarily invalidate the past puts us in a position of advantage - living in modern times, with history according us valuable life lessons.

Traditional practices, ancient sayings... even old people may well be representative of a past we feel we no longer need. They however have a place in our lives , giving us insights we can reflect on and wisdom that still holds true.

These are the things that define our heritage, that help us cherish the days gone by,  ancient wisdom that we can invariably rely on in our daily lives.

Defining Your Success. Make Your Own Kind of Music - Inspired by LOST

"You've gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along."
- Mama Cass Elliot

Inspiration from LOST

All this week, we are featuring posts that are inspired by the TV Show LOST. The final Season of LOST premieres on February 2nd.

Make Your Own Kind of Music

Today, we examine how one can define their own success and thereby make their own kind of music.

[caption id="attachment_531" align="aligncenter" width="248" caption="Make Your Own Kind of Music by Mama Cass Elliot"][/caption]

Mama Cass Elliot's Make Your Own Kind of Music has been featured on several episodes of LOST, mainly in Season 2. Read more about this song on Lostpedia.

Following are the song lyrics:

Nobody can tell ya
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell ya
Cause it hangs them up to see someone like you

But you've gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along

You're gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing's the hardest thing to do

But you've gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along

So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going
I will understand

You've gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along

You've gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music

The above lyrics and artist names are copyrighted to Mama Cass Elliot. They appear  here for educational and personal use only.

Defining Your Sucess - a kinder, gentler philosophy

Alain de Botton gave a very insightful talk at TED:

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

Watch this talk, download the video and read viewer/reader reactions on the TED web site.

He examines our ideas of success and failure... and questions the assumptions underlying these two judgments. Is success always earned? Is failure?

Alain eventually makes an eloquent, witty case to move beyond snobbery to find true pleasure in our work. This too was outlined by Steve Jobs during his Stanford commencement address.

Ready to Shape Your OWN Destiny?

In a world that is increasingly shaped by popular opinion, many find themselves living other people's dreams and constantly succumb to what is acceptable by many.

When they don't measure up to what society defines as success, a lot of people get frustrated.

This should not be the case, if only we would become more decisive and seek to live purpose-driven, fulfilling lives.

So, go out and do whatever you love doing passionately, be very successful in it. Be all that you can be. It depends on you after all.

Curtain falls on 2009. Welcoming 2010 sans Fear, Regret and Guilt

Lynette Scavo: Hey! Mary-Alice, are you okay?
Mary Alice Young: Yes, thank you. I'm fine.
Lynette: No, you're not. I can tell. Please, tell me what's wrong. Let me save you.
Mary Alice: You can't.
Lynette: Why not?
Mary Alice: Sweety, we can't prevent what we can't predict!
Lynette: Isn't there anything I could do?
Mary Alice: Yes. You can enjoy this beautiful day. We get so few of them.

- Desperate Housewives (season 3 episode 07)

Looking Back

This is the last day of 2009.

364 days have passed since we ushered in the new year on January 01, 2009. It's now time to look back, take stock and get ready for 2010.

2009 Highlights... or Otherwise

It is true that 2009 had many highlights in our individual and collective lives. In all honesty however, we must have done several things in the year that we are not very proud of. Additionally, several other things never went our way. Even the best laid plans sometimes fail.

Some of our 2010 resolutions may actually be inspired by, and predicated on guilt, regret, missed opportunities and worry.

Inspiring Music

Previously on The Walkabout, we have dealt with these on our inspiring music sections:

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we’re all OK
And not to worry ’cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these

- Jewel (Hands)

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right

... I’m in repair
I’m not together but I’m getting there

- John Mayer (In Repair)

From the Prince of Peace album, Carolyn Arends talks of someone who regrets that he did not "seize the day".

Well I know a man  who's been doin' some thinkin'
He's as bitter and cold as the whisky he's drinkin'
He's talkin' bout fear  'bout chances not traken
If you listen to him you can hear his heart  breakin'
He says "One day youra boy  The next day you're dead
I wish way back when someone had said...

- Carolyn Arends (Seize the Day)

The Way Ahead

The best way to look at the year that ends today is as an opportunity to learn and grow. And even if you missed the mark here and there, use the same as a stepping stone on your way to better days.

It is worth noting that things don't usually go wrong. Things usually start wrong.
Starting on the right track is a key way of ensuring things work out well in 2010. The first day of the year presents a perfect opportunity to get it right from the start.

For what it's worth, do not be held back by regret and guilt. As Mary Alice Young told Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives (season 3 episode 07), you cannot prevent what you cannot predict.

God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny. Now is the time to seize the opportunities, effect the requisite changes, and make the most of every opportunity.

Let us all face the future with confidence in 2010.

The Laws of Simplicity

Less is More

Simplicity is a vital aspect of life that is often overlooked. Many believe that complex means more, and therefore better. The truth is quite to the contrary.

In design, simplicity is a key component of a rich user experience and robust function. This has been further explored at Complit Design. Less is more in design, and therefore better.

A Simple Life. A Life most Uncommon

The complexities of daily living make it hard for us to imagine living a simple life. There's simply so much to consider, so much to attend to and so much that is expected of us.

With all this in mind, we seldom have time to even notice and appreciate the simple things in life that matter the most.

The Laws of Simplicity

[caption id="attachment_461" align="aligncenter" width="201" caption="The Laws of Simplicity by John Maeda"][/caption]



John Maeda is a renowned graphic designer, artist and computer scientist at the MIT Media Lab.

He also co-directs the radical SIMPLICITY initiative which seeks to re-examine ways of breaking free from the complexity of today's technology and redefine the way users relate to the technology in their daily lives.

He wrote The Laws of Simplicity in 2005/6. The book details the following 10 Laws:

1. REDUCE
   The simplest way to achieve simplicity is through thoughtful reduction.


2. ORGANIZE
   Organization makes a system of many appear fewer.


3. TIME
   Savings in time feel like simplicity.


4. LEARN
   Knowledge makes everything simpler.


5. DIFFERENCES
   Simplicity and complexity need each other.


6. CONTEXT
   What lies in the periphery of simplicity is definitely not peripheral.


7. EMOTION
   More emotions are better than less.


8. TRUST
   In simplicity we trust.


9. FAILURE
   Some things can never be made simple.


10. THE ONE
    Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious, and adding the meaningful.

You can read about the 10 laws at the Laws of Simplicity web site.

Read The Book

Having looked at the excerpt and watched John Maeda's TED Talk about the simple life, The Laws of Simplicity is a book worth reading.

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

It is bound to remind you some simple truths that can positively affect both your personal and professional life.

Beyond Knowledge and Comfort Zones. Going the Extra Mile

[caption id="attachment_449" align="aligncenter" width="337" caption="Comfort Zones diminish our Potential"][/caption]

Real Heroes Go The Extra Mile

Over a decade ago when I was in Form Two, Ezra (my desk-mate) wrote a small list of attributes that make one a Real Hero. One of these things was that a real hero goes the extra mile.

This weekend, I met this lady who at one time, was the housekeeper in a Hall I resided in during my internal attachment at JKUAT. Looking back, we both remembered how she had then gone out of her way and assisted some of my classmates. She did go the extra mile at that time of crisis. We continually acknowledge her kindness, and are invariably indebted.

That extra effort to do something that is not a core part of our duty, something we cannot be compensated for, is what makes some people do extra-ordinary things.

And as we all know, the difference between extraordinary and ordinary is that 'little' extra.

Knowledge and Enlightenment

To know is to be aware. To be aware is good. But we all know that good is the enemy of great.

As mentioned in my earlier (comeback) post, I was inspired by Eric Ng'eno's Facebook Note about Knowledge, Strength, Love and Happiness. Following is an excerpt:

I love knowledge for its irony. It does not enlighten absolutely. It does not define the speed of darkness after mastering light. Knowledge just shifts the grounds and objects of belief. I never stop believing and I never stop doubting, but knowledge enables me to do both well, and to discern more wisely.

Ultimately, knowledge reveals the completeness of of both good and evil, of light and dark, of excellence and mediocrity, and the self fulfilling globe and cycle of the universe. And it leaves me lots of space to fill in with textures, hues, lines, scents and flavors of my election, which gives me identity and personality.

If therefore knowledge fails to reveal the absoluteness of virtues and vices, of values and ideals, if it shows, against my preference, that both good and evil are the reverse and obverse of my desires, interests and ambitions, yet it does not fail to affirm me as a man, a soul, a spirit; divine, magnificent and glorious.

That said, we still realize that good just ain't enough. Knowledge is not an end in itself.

Challenge Convention. Exit the Comfort Zone

Failure to act still remains the biggest threat to our progress. This comes about due to laxity or fearing to fail. For this reason, few ever venture into the unknown. The majority still laze around in their comfort zones.

To make a different in our personal or professional lives, we need to leave our comfort zones. We need to sometimes dare to be different and challenge convention.

Going the extra mile, acting on knowledge gained... these are the hallmarks of risk-taking. Needless to say, the future belongs to the risk-takers.

Back on The Walkabout. The Hiatus is so Over!

Inspired Reading

This comeback post has been inspired by  a blog post by a friend  on Purpose, and by a Goals Report by Brian Tracy that I recently read.

[caption id="attachment_443" align="aligncenter" width="350" caption="The Purpose of Life"][/caption]

Peter's Walkabout

On March 10 2009, Peter's Walkabout was launched. From the very first post, we sought to identify, share and benefit from whatever lessons life throws at us in everything we see,  hear, experience, think or imagine. In short, The Walkabout was just but a journey of Insight, Inspiration and Self Discovery.

Back in the day, I posted an average of three posts each week. This gradually became two posts every week and eventually, there were no posts at all from July 31, 2009.

Comfort Zones

With time, several distractions made me lose sight of my original goal of writing consistently, on and about things that added value. Looking back, I kept offering excuses to myself and justifying every sundown without an additional post on my walkabout. . . increased design workload, meetings, social engagements and mush more.

Other excuses were that I was reading (yes I do read a lot) or watching TV Series (Desperate Housewives, Fringe, North Shore etc...) and movies.

Eventually, I had to completely redesign my web site. The new Complit Communications web site had to reflect significant growth in my design and creative writing business, and part of this involved the setting up of a design blog - Complit Design. This has since been done, but the already configured blogs (Complit Design, The Walkabout and Green Kenya) still remain unattended.

It was when I finished reading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol and a Facebook note titled "Knowledge, Strength, Love and Happiness" by one Eric Ng'eno that I realized I was in pretty much the same illusory state a la Zebediah Lomack in Strangers by Dean Koontz. It was time to wake up, smell the coffee and actually do the needful.

Renewed Purpose

In the movie SAW III, Jigsaw says,

Despite having all the advantages, many of us still choose not to advance.

From Goals by Brian Tracy (all you have to do to get this report is follow Brian Tracy on Twitter), he highlights several things that define success. Key among them is Self-Discipline, Character and Persistence.

In The Memoirs, my friend's journey "will take a lot of commitment to keep it going, a lot of discipline on my part, and a lot of giving."

The Way Ahead

That said, I'll no longer postpone on The Walkabout. This being a purpose-driven endeavor, I'll seek to continually learn and share with my loyal readers.

Finally, let us be reminded of the very reason why we do some of the noble things we do. The reason is far much bigger than ourselves.

From his January 20th 2009 Inauguration speech, US President Barack Obama said the following words:

"This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny."

"let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth..."

Let us continue learning and sharing together.

God bless The Walkabout, and every place else.

Cheers to this Walkabout comeback!

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

IDEAS WORTH SHARING

Every once in a while, we all experience something so wonderful that it becomes really hard not to share.

Well, for a while, I have been reading a most wonderful document. Yeah, it is really short (only 24 pages). It's quite a deep piece, trust you me.

It is a report by Foundation for Entrepreneurial Excellence. A note titled Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Following are excerpts from this document:

INTRODUCTION

This note is designed to help you rise above your instincts and urges to begin a search for the life you were meant to live. Once you have abandoned a foolish quest for the ephemeral rewards of happiness, wealth and power, you can begin to look for your true calling on this earth – a Hero’s Journey. To do this, you must first learn to lose yourself.

CONTENTS

The following are discussed:

• Understanding the Difference between Happiness, Satisfaction and Fulfillment
• Pursuing Sensual Pleasures and Material Success for the Wrong Reasons
• A Twisted Sense of Perspective: Misjudging the Present’s Impact on the Future
• Sliding From Self Interest to Self Centeredness to Self Delusion
• Losing Yourself in a Hero’s Journey
• Spirituality: Losing Yourself Through a Connection with the Transcendental
• Getting Started on Your Quest

A little deeper into the note, you find the following piece, that underscores our need for others.

Love: Losing Yourself in Relationship

Long-term studies of satisfaction and fulfillment show that relationships are critical to satisfaction and fulfillment. We live in relationship with others and we need to belong. We need others to complete us.

People who place a high priority in caring for others have more fulfilling lives. “There are few stronger predictors of happiness than a close, nurturing, equitable, intimate and lifelong companionship with one’s best friend.” Long-term studies on aging show that a lack of true friends would be one’s biggest crisis later in life. People get depressed when they are alone too long. They revive when with others.

Much of your long-term satisfaction and fulfillment will come from a relatively small group of family members and friends with whom we create the memories of a lifetime. Developing such relationships takes time, energy and courage.

You start with small steps. Beginning a relationship simply requires a little curiosity about others. Relationships grow by give and take. You ask about the other person’s goals, affirm them, and offer to help in some way. (Starting with people who have compatible goals makes it easier to invest attention).

Then something magical happens. You actually become more interested in others than yourself. You forget your own problems. Horizons open. Perspective broadens.

Favors, attention and self disclosure lead to trust. Obligations and constraints add more structure and meaning to life. You learn that giving is more satisfying than getting. Over time, a web of healthy relationships blossoms into a support system. Then you develop a reputation for helping others, a fragile treasure. Extraordinary opportunities follow.

Consciously choosing who to invest in relationships with makes a difference. Want to be a better person? Surround yourself with good people. Close friends have the most positive effect on fulfillment (families have only an average effect). Develop relationships with all ages. Always have friends from three generations: the generation below to add freshness and energy, your generation for understanding and companionship, and a generation older for perspective and wisdom.

SHARING

Download this report in full (24 pages, PDF 345KB) here.

I very strongly believe in learning and sharing useful information. This report is highly recommended.

Learn, share and achieve true Happiness, Satisfaction and Fulfillment in your life.

Critical Thinking: Tools For Taking Charge Of Your Professional AndPersonal Life

Critical Thinking is a vital part of development and cognition. Every action is predicated on one's thought process, it's therefore imperative that the thinking itself be healthy and forward-looking.

Critical Thinking: Tools For Taking Charge Of Your Professional And Personal Life, was published in 2002 by the Financial Times Prentice Hall. It's written by Richard Paul and Linda Elder.

At CriticalThinking.org, this book is introduced thus:

You are what you think…
Everything you do in life is determined by the quality of your thinking. If you aren't thinking clearly, you're at the mercy of everyone else-from dishonest politicians to aggressive, stop-at-nothing ad agencies. Unfortunately, many people never give any thought to how they think. No wonder they're susceptible to the frustration, pain, ineffectiveness, and financial loss that result directly from poorly considered thinking. Critical Thinking is about becoming a better thinker in every aspect of your life-as a professional, as a consumer, citizen, friend, parent, and even as a lover.

This book explores the six stages of thinking, and challenges readers to find out what kind of thinker they are. These are:

• Stage 1 The Unreflective Thinker (we are unaware of significant problems in our thinking)
• Stage 2 The Challenged Thinker (we become aware of problems in our thinking)
• Stage 3 The Beginning Thinker (we try to improve, but without regular practice)
• Stage 4 The Practicing Thinker (we recognize the necessity of regular practice)
• Stage 5 The Advanced Thinker (we advance in accordance with our practice)
• Stage 6 The Master Thinker (skilled and insightful thinking becomes second nature)

CONTENTS

Acknowledgment Preface
Ch. 1:    Thinking in a World of Accelerating Change and Intensifying Danger
Ch. 2:    Becoming a Critic of Your Thinking
Ch. 3:    Becoming a Fair-Minded Thinker
Ch. 4:    Self-Understanding
Ch. 5:    The First Four Stages of Development: What Level Thinker are You?
Ch. 6:    The Parts of Thinking
Ch. 7:    The Standards for Thinking
Ch. 8:    Design Your Life
Ch. 9:    The Art of Making Intelligent Decisions
Ch. 10: Taking Charge of Your Irrational Tendencies
Ch. 11:  Monitoring Your Sociocentric Tendencies
Ch. 12:  Developing as an Ethical Reasoner
Ch. 13:  Analyzing and Evaluating Thinking in Corporate and Organizational Life
Ch. 14:  The Power and Limits of Professional Knowledge (And of the Disciplines that Underlie Them)
Ch. 15:  Strategic Thinking Part One
Ch. 16:  Strategic Thinking Part Two
Glossary: A Guide to Critical Thinking Terms and Concepts References

This book is high recommended for anyone who wishes to become better in both their personal and professional lives. It helps you exercise more informed and effective thinking. This will definitely improve your life.

Get Your FREE Copy 
If you need a copy of this book in PDF format, just Email me [info<at>peternjenga<dot>com] and I'll Email you one.

Learn, share and think more critically.

The Unexpected Changes Our Lives

"The expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still
The expected is just the beginning
The unexpected is what changes our lives."
- Meredith Grey (in Grey's Anatomy Season 3 Episode 13)

Have you ever had very great expectations, only to have them nipped in the bud at the eleventh hour? Have you ever had something you highly valued and looked forward to taken away right before your eyes?

Well, it happened to me in October 2008 and I now proceed to share the invaluable lesson I learnt and the insight acquired from that experience.

October 3, 2008 wasn't a good day for me at all. I was quite disappointed upon receiving information that something I had been looking forward to all of September would actually not materialize. For a moment, I felt like someone gave me a 'Shattered Dreams' low blow kick like Goldust used to do in the WWE.

Coincidentally, I had watched "Great Expectations", the 13th episode in the 3rd season of Grey's Anatomy, just a week before this incident. Whereas I am not that bad at accepting reality, letting go and moving on, I found it difficult to embrace the fact that the other party (a large, well respected media house) in the aforementioned situation had not bothered to inform me of the change in plans before the due date. Clearly, courtesy was wanting here, but c'est la vie, that's life.

Thinking of the effect many 'great expectations' do have in our lives, I now realize that these expectations can sometimes hold us back and therefore limit our ability to expand our horizons.

We so badly cling to these 'great' expectations that we are blinded from other opportunities that lie ahead of us. To make matters worse, these expectations do cloud our judgment and hamper our ability to face challenges.

The worst that can happen when we just focus on getting what we already expect is that we become myopic and overlook the long term.

Once again, I found a possible solution to problems occasioned by unmet 'great expectations' in Grey's Anatomy. (If you still haven't watched this show, I strongly recommend that you do. It is funny, and full of wisdom).

Consider the following:

GREAT EXPECTATIONS
Words by Meredith Grey

No one believes their life will turn out just 'kind of okay'
We all think we're going to be great
And from the day we decide to (be surgeons)
We are filled, with expectation...
Expectations of the trails we will blaze
The people we will help
The difference we will make
Great expectations of who we will be
Where we will go
And then... we get there.

We all think we're going to be great
And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met
But sometimes, our expectations sell us short
Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison, to the unexpected
You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations
Because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still
The expected is just the beginning
The unexpected is what changes our lives.

- Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy Season 3 Episode 13)

You can watch the entire 'Great Expectations' episode here.

In life, you've got to expect the unexpected. Do not be limited by the familiar. Broaden your view. Cover new ground.

Learn, share and purpose to free yourself from the old, familiar, and 'well known' expectations.
Have the courage to realize that PLAN and REALITY are seldom, if ever, synonymous.

The End of Something. The Beginning, of Everything

"It was the end of something.
It was the beginning, of everything."
-Nokia N Series (The Fourth Screen) TV ad

I once read somewhere that every sundown is a challenge. It marks the end of yet another day. The end of something.

Unfortunately, that is all we see sometimes. We fail to realize that the end of any day paves the way for a brand new day, a new beginning.

Endings are necessary for beginnings to make any sense. The good news is that the end of something can actually be the beginning of everything.

This is because any new beginning can be predicated on what just ended. The lesson has already been learnt. The mistakes can now be avoided. Improvement is now inevitable. Growth and progress is only natural.

Armed with knowledge gained from experience, we can now do all that is required to get to the finish line. We can even go the extra mile. We can go the distance to realize our goals.

Following is the Nokia 4th Screen TV advert video. Be edified:



From now on, purpose to acknowledge that many endings signify brand new beginnings. That the old must pave way for the new. That each sunset heralds a new day. A new beginning. The beginning, of everything.
Now do the needful.

Learn, share, and realize that your best days are ahead of you. It's time to move on.

A Laugh is Worth a Hundred Groans in Any Market - Lighten Up!

Many years ago when I was in High School, all was not well. I had quite many problems and was nearly depressed. I'll spare you the poignant details, let's just say it was really bad at the time.

But then I shared. And a friend wrote me the note below, that did wonders and totally changed the way I handle most things in life.
I now know this "Lighten Up" note word for word, and it always works in my life. Hope you find it useful.

R U Still Down? Well, Lighten Up.

A LAUGH IS WORTH A HUNDRED GROANS IN ANY MARKET

As we become honest with ourselves, we can begin to see that we take most things in life too seriously. We view our jobs, our status, our possessions large and small - even life's little mishaps with far more seriousness than they deserve. The heart of the matter, of course, is that we tend to take ourselves too seriously.

While it's true many things need our serious attention, that doesn't mean we have to go about straight-faced and tight-lipped in all areas of our lives. When we are excessively concerned, we limit our ability to have fun, to be relaxed and happy - in short, enjoy life.

If we find ourselves taking everything too seriously - if we see that we're trying to manage things beyond our control - it's time we reorder our priorities asking ourselves, "What is really important?"

Perhaps then we can remember that we have a choice to either burden ourselves by viewing everything as 'serious' and therefore, probably negative, or to strive for a positive outlook, with the goal of enjoying life a day at a time as it unfolds.

Lighten Up!

This is for you who is going through a hard time. At a time when the outcome of some predicaments is most in doubt, it pays to lighten up, praying and hoping that all goes well. Because it almost invariably ends well.

Learn, share, and have that smile on your face. Lighten Up!

Strategies for a Stress-free Life by G. Gaynor McTigue

Stress-Free Living

This weekend, I came across a preview of this seemingly good book.

It is titled 'Why Make Yourself Crazy: 400 Strategies for a Stress-free Life' by by G. Gaynor McTigue, the author of 'Life's Little Frustration Book'.

Book Highlights

1. Do One thing at a time

2. Throw something out every day

3. Cut down on competitive stress

4. Eliminate excessive and superfluous activities

5. Put affection back into your relationship

6. Never be embarrassed at having to scale back

7. One sport per child per season

8. Don't let Unhealthy job stress persist

9. Avoid eating as a response to stress

10. Don't fall victiom to a chronic talker

Online Resources

Read the preview online on Scribd. Or download a free book preview (PDF 1.03MB).

Learn, share and have a stress-free life.

Security and insecurity, heroes and warriors: Eve Ensler's TED Talk

Following is a TED Talk by Eve Ensler, founder of the Vagina Monologues.

Be edified:



Learn, share and be safe & secure.

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.
- Sidney and Suzanne Simon (WisdomQuotes.com)

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. But who gets to forgive who?

In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of compensation, and without any response on the part of the offender. In practical terms however, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, apology, and/or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe they are able to forgive.

To better understand forgiveness, consider the following:

• Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple.


• Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive AND there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim.


• The greatest misconception about forgiveness is the belief that forgiving the offense, such as an affair, means that you condone it. Not true. In fact, we can only forgive what we know to be wrong. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to reconcile with someone who badly treated you.


• Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it.


• When you forgive you do it for you, not for the other. The person you have never forgiven. . . owns you!Forgiving someone else is to agree within yourself to overlook the wrong they have committed against you and to move on with your life. It's the only way. It means cutting them some slack.


• Forgiveness is a creative act that changes us from prisoners of the past to liberated people at peace with our memories. It is not forgetfulness, but it involves accepting the promise that the future can be more than dwelling on memories of past injury.

Ponder the following about forgiveness:

FORGIVENESS
by Reinhold Neibuhr

Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.

Has anyone wronged you lately? Now is the time to free yourself by forgiving them.

This week, be reminded of what Confucius said.

"The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself."

Learn, share and experience the power of forgiveness.

Until My Change Comes... I'll wait, Renew my Strength and Keep Holding On

The first episode of the fourth season of Grey's Anatomy is titled 'A Change is Gonna Come'. Following is an excerpt of the episode transcript:

"In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques are created, procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase.
Innovation is everything. Nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change...or we get left behind........"

The above words got me thinking.
Yeah, it's true that we get inspired and hopeful whenever we envision change. We even get motivated when we encounter new people and situations that effect change and thereby enhance our lives.

But what about that transition period? That period of waiting as change happens? What keeps us going at the time?

I found my answer in a song I first listened to ten years ago - 'Until My Change Comes' by Commissioned. It's from the album 'Times and Seasons', which was released in the year 2000.

Consider the following:

UNTIL MY CHANGE COMES
By Commissioned

It's been a long time coming
But a change is gonna come
When the dark clouds pass away
Feel the warmness of the sun
I know that You love me, oh yeah,
I know that you care
I can't wait to be by Your side
In the middle of the air.

CHORUS
Until my change comes
Here's what I'll do
Renew my strength
Keep holding on
I'll wait on You.

(REPEAT)

It ain't gonna be easy
But I'll be strong. Some say if You
Really cared um,
It's wouldn't take so long for You to
Return for me
If with You is where I ought to be
But I'm gonna believe until that day
I will.... until...

CHORUS

BRIDGE

Gotta wait gotta wait on you
That's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna stand still
I just wanna be in your will
Just like David and Goliath
I gotta encourage my soul, yeah
Said I'm gonna stand still
Until um...

CHORUS * CHORUS * CHORUS

The above lyrics and artist names are copyrighted to Commissioned. They appear  here for educational and personal use only.

So back to the Grey's Anatomy transcript...

"Change. we don't like it, we fear it.
But we can't stop it from coming.
We either adapt to change, or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying.
But here's the truth. sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.
And sometimes...oh, sometimes change is good.
Sometimes change is...everything."

Learn, share and be an agent of positive change. Both in your life and those of others.

You've got to Work Hard for it Sometimes

Life has a way of presenting situations that often seem impossible.

Such situations are usually appropriate for us to go the extra mile, try one more time, gauge our limits or even realize our potential.

And this only happens if we take the initiative. . .

The following song by Amerie is quite relevant during those times when you feel you have reached your tether's end.

Gotta Work
by Amerie

Sometimes it's gonna be days like this
Sometimes it's gonna be rain like this
Sometimes you're gonna feel pain like this
Sometimes you gotta work hard for it

Because when u feeling low
And u cant get no lower
That's when u know your close
Sometimes u gotta work hard for it

Woke up in the morning
It's another cloudy day
But that never mattered too much to me
'Cause it's still a new beginning
And I know I got it in me
Had my share of ups and downs
But now I know I can do anything

Some people think I'm aggressive
'Cause I know what I want
But that never mattered too much to me

Show me some body with no goal
Show me some body with no control
'Cause life is for living
So go and get it
When times get rough remember

[chorus]
Sometimes it's gonna be days like this
Sometimes it's gonna be rain like this
Sometimes you're gonna feel pain like this
Sometimes you gotta work hard for it

Because when u feeling low
And u can't get no lower
That's when u know your close
Sometimes u gotta work hard for it

Ohh gotta get it
Hey hey hey
Sometimes the road may seem too far
You never really know for sure
If you're ever gonna make it
Sometimes the end may seem so far
You never really know for sure
If u got the strength to make it

But u gotta remember

[chorus]
Sometimes it's gonna be days like this
Sometimes it's gonna be rain like this
Sometimes you're gonna feel pain like this
Sometimes you gotta work hard for it

Because when u feeling low
And u can't get no lower
That's when u know your close
Sometimes u gotta work hard for it

Days like this
Rain like this

Do it cause I love it
Feel like this
Gotta work hard for it

The above lyrics and artist names are copyrighted to Amerie. They appear  here for educational and personal use only.

Let us learn, share and believe in ourselves. That we can do anything. If only we try hard enough.

What Do You Want to do With Your Life? by Hans Glint

Recently, I downloaded 'What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?' by Hans Glint.
This eBook is supposedly a "Life Plan to find Your Answer".

In the Preface:

“Why do they always tell us that it’s easy and evil to do what we want, and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It’s the hardest thing in the world - to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want.”
- Ayn Rand

Many people spend more time planning their summer holiday than planning the rest of their life. No wonder the same people feel they do not live fulfilled lives. However, you are different. You are on your way to break away from the crowd; you are on your way to plan ahead and achieve the life of your dreams.

With imagination and action, you will create the life of your dreams.

Chapters:

1. Introduction to Life Planning
2. Your Past
3. The Influence Of Generations
4. Your Present
5. Your Future
6. Your Alternatives
7. Making The Decision

Download Free eBook

You can download the eBook free at the book official site (PDF 606KB).

Let us learn, share and have a purpose -driven, planned life.

Objectivity, Self Righteousness and exiting The Moral Matrix: Jonathan Haidt's TED Talk

TED Talks

I have lately been on a TED Talks binge, both on The Walkabout and on the Green Initiatives blog. I cannot seem to get enough of these talks. They truly are ideas worth sharing. So, today I present one of my top favorite TED Talks.

Jonathan Haidt

On 20th March, I wrote about Jonathan Haidt's book, The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, after watching him on TED.

In this TED Talk, Jonathan Haidt talks about ideology and openness to experience. He discusses moral psychology, and outlines the moral roots of, and major differences between liberals and conservatives.

Watch the talk, read comments and download the video on the TED web site.

Key highlights:

• People who are higher on openness to experience just crave novelty, variety, diversity, new ideas, travel.
  People low on it like things that are familiar, that are safe and dependable.

• "Open individuals have an affinity for liberal, progressive, left-wing political views, whereas closed inviduals prefer conservative, traditional, right wing views"
  - McCrae

• When people all share values, when people all share morals, they become a team, and once you engage the psychology of teams, it shuts down open minded thinking.

• The first draft of the moral mind.
  "The initial organization of the brain does not rely that much on experience... Nature provides a first draft, which experience then revises... 'Built in' does not mean unmalleable; it means organized in advance of experience."
  - Marcus

• The Five Foundations of Morality
  1. Harm/Care
  2. Fairness/Reciprocity
  3. Ingroup/Loyalty
  4. Authority/Respect
  5. Purity/Sanctity

• The truth of social entropy is that "Order tends to decay."

• Traditional authority and morality can be quite repressive and restrictive to those at the bottom, to women and to people that don't fit in.

• Liberals speak for the weak and oppressed; they want change and justice, even at the risk of chaos.

• Conservatives speak for institutions and traditions; want order even if at cost to those at the bottom.

• "The restraints on men, as well as their liberties, are to be reckoned among their rights"
  - Edmund Burke

• "If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against.
  The struggle between "for" and "against" is the mind's worst disease."
  - Sent-ts'an

• Our Righteous Minds were designed to...
  1. unite us into teams
  2. divide us against other teams
  3. blind us to the truth

Let us learn, share and purpose to be objective, by cultivating moral humility, acknowledging and respecting the differing opinions of others.