We are Bound to Others...

"If you think you know who you are, you've no idea."

- Sgt John Ryan, in 'Crash'

Every time I'm asked to name my top favorite movies, my listing invariably starts with the following:

• Cloud Atlas.
• Crash (2004 release).

What's common in these movies is that they seek to explore a better understanding of human behavior, particularly how we relate to each other in times of great anguish or crisis situations.

In addition, how we treat others if and when we are in a position of advantage compared to them.

* * *


The Butterfly Effect

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect explains how very little changes in initial conditions can create significantly different outcomes in complex systems. In other words, seemingly inconsequential things can result in vastly altered situations in places and times that may not be immediately easy to relate or connect.

"Our lives are not our own,

From womb to tomb, we are bound to others,

Past and present.

And by each crime and every kindness,

We birth our future."

- Somni 451, in Cloud Atlas.

There is another concept that hinges on social connections to show how we are largely connected to others. It is called the six degrees of separation.


Consider this recent happening in Kenya that was quite tragic:

6 days from today last year, a bus operated by Western Cross Express Company Ltd was involved in a road accident that resulted in 58 fatalities and shattered many lives thanks to serious injuries suffered by those who survived.

The bus, christened "Homeboyz" was being driven by one Lucas "Abdallah" Asang'asa, a 72 year old man.

From media reports and the investigations that followed, it emerged that various instances of negligence and blatant disregard of the law led to that horrific accident.

It is not possible to point out exactly what caused the accident itself, but a number of things such as having excess passengers, an elderly driver working many hours sans rest and driving long distances, vehicle defects, or a failure by traffic police on roadblocks to do a proper inspection of the bus and the passengers therein.
Apparently, the driver himself had also complained that the bus had faulty brakes.

Many factors, some seemingly harmless, all contributed to this terrible tragedy.

Granted, not all social connections are tragic. Here is an embarrassing, yet fun way to illustrate the same concept:




In essence, we have this nauseating habit of assuming that people we engage and interact with today will still be in the exact same situations in the future.
And all too often, we get to be reminded that these same people can be something very different the next time we meet then, sooner or later.


Meditations in an Emergency

My current writing project is anchored on this very premise - that we are connected to others and our thoughts, words and deeds always have an effect on others in addition to ourselves.

The Meditations in an Emergency book will tackle often-difficult-to-talk-about-subjects and hopefully elicit dialogue and action on those things that affect us, yet remain unattended.


* * *

I recently read a comment on this YouTube video, about humans having an amazing ability to underestimate non-immediate threats. We get very concerned and display shameless outrage porn at things that are both current and highly visible. Some even profit from rage. It happens to be quite easy to see and share loud and popular opinions on such things as fire on a mountain.
But you gotta wonder, do we ever have conversations with ourselves?

Things Change... Do we?

PHOTO | Ross Findon (Unsplash).

It's been many months since we had a post on The Walkabout. But not to worry, we do have something for you today in our weekly #WalkaboutWednesday.

Today's post is about change.
We often hear, desire and talk about changing our lives.


It is a known fact that things do change. Times and Seasons are a recurrent thing in life. But do people change?

My observation and considered opinion is that people do not change. For good or worse, we largely remain the same. What we do is adapt to change.

So, what changes are you adapting to this May?


* * *

What Makes us Human?

Note: This post has been cross-posted on Pete on Books.

Yesterday, I posted the following photo on Facebook.

It is the book I intend to read next, once I'm done with Cindy Trimm's Commanding Your Morning and Mbugua Mumbi's Becoming an 'A' Student in Life.
A comment on that Facebook post has made it necessary to explain what the book is all about. And please note this is not a book review at all, just a sneak peek.

Well, this book is inspired by talks that were presented at a symposium held in Oxford, in March 2006.

The book, put simply, is an attempt to answer the following questions:
Are we half ape or half angel? Is it our cognitive abilities, our use of tools, our story-telling, our beliefs, our curiosity, our ability to cook, our culture, that make us human?

These are the book chapters:

1. Imitation Makes us Human
2. Memory, Time and Language
3. Why are Humans not just Great Apes?
4. The Hominid that Talked
5. Half Ape, Half Angel?
6. Material facts from a non-materialist perspective
7. What Makes us Human? Our Ancestors and the Weather
8. Curiosity and Quest
9. Human Evolution and the Human Condition
10. The Place of "Deep Social Mind" in the Evolution of Human Nature
11. Causal Belief Maes us Human
12. The Cooking Enigma.

The book What Makes us Human? is available on Amazon and elsewhere across the web.

Modern Love and Other Interactions in 2014

"We can never bring it about that we require nothing outside ourselves to preserve our being, nor that we live without having dealings with things outside us." 

- Benedict Spinoza, in Ethics.

Prior to writing this post, I've had to listen to this podcast on Modern Love [mp3], read the short story 'A Good Man is Hard to Find' by Flannery O'Connor, read about losing yourself in a relationship in this 'Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness' cautionary tale and made a searching and fearless moral inventory of my interactions with those who I've so far had any sort of affection for.

That said, today's post is simply an amalgamation of varying viewpoints, highlights and personal thoughts about this most interesting of human interactions - love.

A Love Most Interesting.

First of all, a question: Can love be endless?
I bet you'd also want to find out how a man can spend over a decade in love with a woman who doesn't exist. Even more interesting, what would you consider the worst first date of all time? Well, check out this podcast on Modern Love to find out.

Relationships with Others

Almost 4 years ago, I came across a document that profoundly challenged my views in regard to how we should relate with others. In our continued search for meaning, satisfaction and fulfillment which goes way beyond transient happiness, relationships are crucial.

Life is more fulfilling when one genuinely cares for others. Interestingly, a lack of true friends always becomes a very big crisis later on in life. Needless to say, human beings become depressed when they are alone for far too long.
It is partly thanks to the foregoing that inasmuch as I revel in my own company, I remain cognizant to the glaring fact that there is both a need and place for other people in my life. Interactions therefore, are necessary in life.

In 2014, my long-planned journey of touching countless lives, albeit one life at a time through my writing, begins in earnest. Every time I speak about things I am passionate about, I get to realize just how much there is to say and even more important, just how much more there is to learn.
Just like Flannery O'Connor, I now realize that it is by telling stories that I can best communicate. She says:

“A story is a way to say something that can’t be said any other way, and it takes every word in the story to say what the meaning is.”
― Flannery O'Connor

When we carefully examine how we live with others, it becomes apparent that there are many DOs and DONTs that govern how we relate be it with family, friends, colleagues at home or at school, acquaintances or total strangers. Whatever the interaction, some mutual respect and basic etiquette are always a good start to sustain any useful discourse.

Should this not be forthcoming from any or both parties, there would be no sustained dialogue or any communication at all. No meaningful interaction can then occur.
Doing the right thing is just one tenet of managing to live with others in harmony, and only then can one find true fulfillment in a world filled with others whose way or viewing things may be profoundly different. That is where virtue comes in. As Benedict Spinoza writes in Ethics:

"...the very foundation of virtue is this very striving to preserve one's own being, and that happiness consists in a man's being able to preserve his being. Again, it follows that we can never bring it about that we require nothing outside ourselves to preserve our being, nor that we live without having dealings with things outside us...There are, therefore, many things outside us which are useful to us, and on that account to be sought."

All in all, it is only by abandoning a foolish quest for the ephemeral rewards of happiness, wealth and power that you can begin to look for your true calling on this earth.
What it is that you will be seeking in 2014?

* * * * *

One Month Later...

I end this post by looking back at a day that was "touched by love." On December 7, 2013, "the harmony of love met with the melody of life to create a beautiful love song."

Exactly one month ago, I joined family, friends and well-wishers in celebration of Winni and George's wedding. It was a most colorful day, and my best wishes invariably remain with them even as they ended 2013 by beginning a new life together, a new family and all the good things that await them on their best days ahead. Together.

In sum, 2013 was a very good year.
It was the end of something. It was the beginning of everything.

The Wonderful Effect of Time

Taking Time to React
After Mwai Kibaki became the third President of Kenya in December 2002, I couldn't help but notice just how different his leadership style was from former President Moi's. Kibaki let his ministers actually guide policy and manage their ministries, he stayed away from the public spotlight and best of all, he took time to react to issues. In delegating and letting those under him be, President Mwai Kibaki was diametrically the opposite of a micro-manager like Amazon's Jeff Bezos.

While these attributes may come across as being stand-offish and indifferent, even bordering on negligence, there is much to learn from especially the third one, thanks to the keyword TIME.

You see, I realized in early 2003 that if the President of an independent republic would be patient and tolerant enough to take time before reacting to every thing that he had a say in, then there must be something worthwhile in the wait.

As we grew up, we were all taught  and constantly reminded to breathe in and count to ten whenever someone pissed us off, to never speak or act in anger, and that patience pays. Let us look at the wonderful effect of time in our lives.

Time is a gift
One of my favorite bloggers reckons that time is a gift. And I agree. She says,

Our Saviour has granted us a lot of gifts and one of the best is time. There are things that you go through in life: some good, some bad but what they both have is common is time.

Time does have this effect in life that we can barely understand. The passage of time changes attitudes and perceptions, makes pain go away, allows us to understand and appreciate what we couldn't before... time changes everything. In fact, we all know that time heals wounds. Inasmuch as scars may remain to constantly remind us what exactly happened, the passage of time will heal both emotional, psychological and physical wounds.

Time, and lessons learnt
Looking back, I remember some things I have said or written at a time of crisis, only to regret it after some time. Lately, I have however harnessed the wisdom of waiting it out, and saying or doing nothing no matter how much I'm tempted to react. It takes a great deal of determination to NOT DO something when you really feel that you have a right to say or do something in return.

With time, you cool down and even more interestingly, you begin to look at the same situation you were aching to react to in an entirely different way. This is the time when you realize that it was wise to not react too quickly, you have nothing to regret and should you act now, it will only be because it is necessary and you are now much wiser to handle the consequences of your actions.

Think about instances in your life when you had to resist the near-overwhelming urge to react to something. How did you manage to hold on and deal with the situation much later? Was the decision to wait a wise one? Has this made you better placed to deal with future situations and decisions that demand patience and tolerance.

Do you currently have very strong feelings of dissent about someone or something? Do you feel wronged and offended? Are you considering giving as good as you got and avenging yourself?
Well, take time and hold out. Give yourself a definite time to wait until you can deal with the situation or the person. It will surprise you how different your feelings and attitude will change after the waiting period.

Don't eat the marshmallow, yet.
In other news, success is also heavily hinged on our ability to wait. In his famous and engaging 2009 TED Talk, Joachim de Posada still reminds you to not eat the marshmallow... yet.



Have a great day.

Time to Think Again

Slightly over two years ago, I wrote this post on The Walkabout, about a most profound book. Aptly titled  Critical Thinking: Tools For Taking Charge Of Your Professional And Personal Life, the book is all about our thoughts, especially how they affect our development and ultimately, the quality of our lives. It then behooves us to channel and leverage our thinking such that we are in charge of our lives.

At the time, I even gave a few copies free to some of our readers.

This book is one of those you keep getting back to read, if only to refresh whatever you have so far gained from it. In this regard, it is worth noting that there is something new to gain every time I take another look at it's priceless insights.

You are What You Think
That's what the good people at CriticalThinking.org say in introducing this book.

Everything you do in life is determined by the quality of your thinking. If you aren't thinking clearly, you're at the mercy of everyone else-from dishonest politicians to aggressive, stop-at-nothing ad agencies. Unfortunately, many people never give any thought to how they think. No wonder they're susceptible to the frustration, pain, ineffectiveness, and financial loss that result directly from poorly considered thinking. Critical Thinking is about becoming a better thinker in every aspect of your life-as a professional, as a consumer, citizen, friend, parent, and even as a lover.

Following is a snapshot of what you'll find inside this awesome book:

Acknowledgment Preface
Ch. 1:    Thinking in a World of Accelerating Change and Intensifying Danger
Ch. 2:    Becoming a Critic of Your Thinking
Ch. 3:    Becoming a Fair-Minded Thinker
Ch. 4:    Self-Understanding
Ch. 5:    The First Four Stages of Development: What Level Thinker are You?
Ch. 6:    The Parts of Thinking
Ch. 7:    The Standards for Thinking
Ch. 8:    Design Your Life
Ch. 9:    The Art of Making Intelligent Decisions
Ch. 10: Taking Charge of Your Irrational Tendencies
Ch. 11:  Monitoring Your Sociocentric Tendencies
Ch. 12:  Developing as an Ethical Reasoner
Ch. 13:  Analyzing and Evaluating Thinking in Corporate and Organizational Life
Ch. 14:  The Power and Limits of Professional Knowledge (And of the Disciplines that Underlie Them)
Ch. 15:  Strategic Thinking Part One
Ch. 16:  Strategic Thinking Part Two
Glossary: A Guide to Critical Thinking Terms and Concepts References

The Challenge
What kind of a thinker are you?
In writing Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life, Richard W. Paul and Linda Elder detail the six stages of thinking. These are:

• Stage 1 The Unreflective Thinker (we are unaware of significant problems in our thinking)
• Stage 2 The Challenged Thinker (we become aware of problems in our thinking)
• Stage 3 The Beginning Thinker (we try to improve, but without regular practice)
• Stage 4 The Practicing Thinker (we recognize the necessity of regular practice)
• Stage 5 The Advanced Thinker (we advance in accordance with our practice)
• Stage 6 The Master Thinker (skilled and insightful thinking becomes second nature)

I very strongly recommend that you get a copy of this book. "Why?" you ask. My answer: You are what you think. It is the quality of your thinking that determines all else.

Are We merely there WITH, or FOR One Another?

"Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself."

- Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)

Six Degrees

The Six Degrees of Separation or "Human Web" concept has been explored in various literally works and the creative arts for many years all over the world.

Essentially, it asserts that all human beings are largely interconnected.

Since the 1990 play and the 1993 film of the same name, the Six Degrees of Separation concept has been prominently deployed in the immensely popular TV Show LOST. It has also inspired films such as Crash and Babel.

Babel

This is a movie that stars an ensemble cast. It focuses on four interrelated sets of situations and characters - in Morocco, Japan, United States and Mexico.

Basically, a high-powered rifle originally owned by a Japanese hunter is used by two boys in Morocco to critically injure an American tourist [Susan].

At home in the USA, the Mexican nanny in charge of Richard and Susan's twin children is involved in border trespass after attending her son's wedding in Tijuana, Mexico.

Noteworthy themes

Throughout the movie, misunderstandings abound:

> The immediate classification of the American tourist's shooting as a terrorist act, Amelia's [Mexican nanny]treatment by the border police and the treatment of local Arabs by the American tourists. All this has obvious racial undertones.

> Suspicion and misplaced priorities - the tourists in the bus are quick to leave to avoid the desert heat as well as forestall "further attacks" by the locals.

> Political issues between governments significantly hinder quick help for Susan.

Despite the above, and what I found most inspiring, is the willingness of strangers [the local veterinarian and the bus tour guide] to be of help. In fact, the tour guide declined financial compensation from Richard [Susan's husband] as Susan was being carried away in a helicopter.

Somebody for Someone

In their song Somebody for Someone, The Corrs capture the very essence of being there for other people:

"Look at me, see me' 'look at me, save me'

'Free me, find me 'cos if there's

Somebody for someone, yeah look at me"

Somebody for someone

Bridges

A while back, I blogged on the Walkabout about the need to communicate, create human bridges and be united in purpose.

The human bridge is nurtured by introduction, familiarity and co-operation. With a common purpose, everything becomes possible.

We therefore need to be there for one another, even without the presence of a crisis. We have to go beyond merely being there with one another.

There's Fire on the Mountain, and Nobody seems to be On the Run

"Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers."
- Eminem (Like Toy Soldiers)

[caption id="attachment_471" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Fire on the Mountain: A Time of Crisis"][/caption]

A Time of Crisis

Reading news articles yesterday, I realized just how many things need our urgent attention.

World leaders are currently meeting in Denmark for the Copenhagen Climate Summit and bombings in Baghdad left at least 127 people dead. Even the rich and famous are not having such a good time, given that Tiger Woods is still not out of the woods yet.

Locally, I was appalled by the news that somewhere in Narok, in the Rift Valley, a man was found with enough military arsenal to power a police station for over a year. And just when House Speaker Kenneth Marende was praising China for hanging criminals and therefore ending impunity, it was being reported that Kenya is a major producer and exporter of pornography, especially to China. The Daily Nation has published an article detailing how young children are hooked to pornography. In an editorial, everyone is being urged to help save our children from greedy porn peddlers.

So what can we do?

Faced with the above and innumerable other crises, we need to rise up and upon realizing that many things have gone pretty wrong, get down to sorting the mess out.

In his Inauguration address, US President Barack Obama spoke words I can never forget, words that are both challenging and inspirational. He said:

...when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it.

...in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter...

Fire on the Mountain

Many musicians have tried to highlight the social ills that bedevil our society, and the following song by Asa is so profound, that upon keenly listening to the words, you might wonder where you've been as many bad things happened all around you.

Be edified:

FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN
By Asa

CHORUS
There is fire on the mountain
And nobody seems to be on the run
Oh there is fire on the mountain top
And no one is a-running

VERSE 1
I wake up in the morning
Tell you what I see on my TV screen
I see the blood of an innocent child
And everybody's watching

Now am looking out my window
And what do I see
I see an army of a soldier man
marching across the street

Hey Mr soldier man
Tomorrow is the day you go to war
But you are fighting for another man's cause
And you don't even know him

What did he say to make you so blind
To your conscience and reason
Could it be love for your country
Or for the gun you use in killing

REPEAT CHORUS

Hey Mr Lover man
Can I get a chance to talk to you
Cause you are fooling with a dead man's corpse
And you don't know what you do

So you say you have a lover
And you love her like no other
So you buy her a diamond
That someone has died on
Don't you think there's something wrong with this

Tell me who's responsible
For what we teach our children
Is it the internet
Or the stars on television
Why oh why
Why oh why oh

So little Lucy turns sixteen
And like the movie she's been seeing
She has a lover in her daddy
She can't tell nobody
Till she makes the evening news

REPEAT CHORUS

On day the river will over flow
And there'll be no where for us to go
And we will run, run
Wishing we had put out the fire

REPEAT CHORUS (till fade)

The above lyrics and artist names are copyrighted to Asa. They appear  here for educational and personal use only.

So, are you still not bothered?

Ponder the above lyrics to Fire on the Mountain, and honestly ask yourself if you are among the many who remain unconcerned, those who choose not to be bothered by whatever ills are happening all around us.

If we each do a little more, we all do a lot more. The time is now to do the needful.

The Laws of Simplicity

Less is More

Simplicity is a vital aspect of life that is often overlooked. Many believe that complex means more, and therefore better. The truth is quite to the contrary.

In design, simplicity is a key component of a rich user experience and robust function. This has been further explored at Complit Design. Less is more in design, and therefore better.

A Simple Life. A Life most Uncommon

The complexities of daily living make it hard for us to imagine living a simple life. There's simply so much to consider, so much to attend to and so much that is expected of us.

With all this in mind, we seldom have time to even notice and appreciate the simple things in life that matter the most.

The Laws of Simplicity

[caption id="attachment_461" align="aligncenter" width="201" caption="The Laws of Simplicity by John Maeda"][/caption]



John Maeda is a renowned graphic designer, artist and computer scientist at the MIT Media Lab.

He also co-directs the radical SIMPLICITY initiative which seeks to re-examine ways of breaking free from the complexity of today's technology and redefine the way users relate to the technology in their daily lives.

He wrote The Laws of Simplicity in 2005/6. The book details the following 10 Laws:

1. REDUCE
   The simplest way to achieve simplicity is through thoughtful reduction.


2. ORGANIZE
   Organization makes a system of many appear fewer.


3. TIME
   Savings in time feel like simplicity.


4. LEARN
   Knowledge makes everything simpler.


5. DIFFERENCES
   Simplicity and complexity need each other.


6. CONTEXT
   What lies in the periphery of simplicity is definitely not peripheral.


7. EMOTION
   More emotions are better than less.


8. TRUST
   In simplicity we trust.


9. FAILURE
   Some things can never be made simple.


10. THE ONE
    Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious, and adding the meaningful.

You can read about the 10 laws at the Laws of Simplicity web site.

Read The Book

Having looked at the excerpt and watched John Maeda's TED Talk about the simple life, The Laws of Simplicity is a book worth reading.

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

It is bound to remind you some simple truths that can positively affect both your personal and professional life.

Beyond Knowledge and Comfort Zones. Going the Extra Mile

[caption id="attachment_449" align="aligncenter" width="337" caption="Comfort Zones diminish our Potential"][/caption]

Real Heroes Go The Extra Mile

Over a decade ago when I was in Form Two, Ezra (my desk-mate) wrote a small list of attributes that make one a Real Hero. One of these things was that a real hero goes the extra mile.

This weekend, I met this lady who at one time, was the housekeeper in a Hall I resided in during my internal attachment at JKUAT. Looking back, we both remembered how she had then gone out of her way and assisted some of my classmates. She did go the extra mile at that time of crisis. We continually acknowledge her kindness, and are invariably indebted.

That extra effort to do something that is not a core part of our duty, something we cannot be compensated for, is what makes some people do extra-ordinary things.

And as we all know, the difference between extraordinary and ordinary is that 'little' extra.

Knowledge and Enlightenment

To know is to be aware. To be aware is good. But we all know that good is the enemy of great.

As mentioned in my earlier (comeback) post, I was inspired by Eric Ng'eno's Facebook Note about Knowledge, Strength, Love and Happiness. Following is an excerpt:

I love knowledge for its irony. It does not enlighten absolutely. It does not define the speed of darkness after mastering light. Knowledge just shifts the grounds and objects of belief. I never stop believing and I never stop doubting, but knowledge enables me to do both well, and to discern more wisely.

Ultimately, knowledge reveals the completeness of of both good and evil, of light and dark, of excellence and mediocrity, and the self fulfilling globe and cycle of the universe. And it leaves me lots of space to fill in with textures, hues, lines, scents and flavors of my election, which gives me identity and personality.

If therefore knowledge fails to reveal the absoluteness of virtues and vices, of values and ideals, if it shows, against my preference, that both good and evil are the reverse and obverse of my desires, interests and ambitions, yet it does not fail to affirm me as a man, a soul, a spirit; divine, magnificent and glorious.

That said, we still realize that good just ain't enough. Knowledge is not an end in itself.

Challenge Convention. Exit the Comfort Zone

Failure to act still remains the biggest threat to our progress. This comes about due to laxity or fearing to fail. For this reason, few ever venture into the unknown. The majority still laze around in their comfort zones.

To make a different in our personal or professional lives, we need to leave our comfort zones. We need to sometimes dare to be different and challenge convention.

Going the extra mile, acting on knowledge gained... these are the hallmarks of risk-taking. Needless to say, the future belongs to the risk-takers.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

IDEAS WORTH SHARING

Every once in a while, we all experience something so wonderful that it becomes really hard not to share.

Well, for a while, I have been reading a most wonderful document. Yeah, it is really short (only 24 pages). It's quite a deep piece, trust you me.

It is a report by Foundation for Entrepreneurial Excellence. A note titled Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Following are excerpts from this document:

INTRODUCTION

This note is designed to help you rise above your instincts and urges to begin a search for the life you were meant to live. Once you have abandoned a foolish quest for the ephemeral rewards of happiness, wealth and power, you can begin to look for your true calling on this earth – a Hero’s Journey. To do this, you must first learn to lose yourself.

CONTENTS

The following are discussed:

• Understanding the Difference between Happiness, Satisfaction and Fulfillment
• Pursuing Sensual Pleasures and Material Success for the Wrong Reasons
• A Twisted Sense of Perspective: Misjudging the Present’s Impact on the Future
• Sliding From Self Interest to Self Centeredness to Self Delusion
• Losing Yourself in a Hero’s Journey
• Spirituality: Losing Yourself Through a Connection with the Transcendental
• Getting Started on Your Quest

A little deeper into the note, you find the following piece, that underscores our need for others.

Love: Losing Yourself in Relationship

Long-term studies of satisfaction and fulfillment show that relationships are critical to satisfaction and fulfillment. We live in relationship with others and we need to belong. We need others to complete us.

People who place a high priority in caring for others have more fulfilling lives. “There are few stronger predictors of happiness than a close, nurturing, equitable, intimate and lifelong companionship with one’s best friend.” Long-term studies on aging show that a lack of true friends would be one’s biggest crisis later in life. People get depressed when they are alone too long. They revive when with others.

Much of your long-term satisfaction and fulfillment will come from a relatively small group of family members and friends with whom we create the memories of a lifetime. Developing such relationships takes time, energy and courage.

You start with small steps. Beginning a relationship simply requires a little curiosity about others. Relationships grow by give and take. You ask about the other person’s goals, affirm them, and offer to help in some way. (Starting with people who have compatible goals makes it easier to invest attention).

Then something magical happens. You actually become more interested in others than yourself. You forget your own problems. Horizons open. Perspective broadens.

Favors, attention and self disclosure lead to trust. Obligations and constraints add more structure and meaning to life. You learn that giving is more satisfying than getting. Over time, a web of healthy relationships blossoms into a support system. Then you develop a reputation for helping others, a fragile treasure. Extraordinary opportunities follow.

Consciously choosing who to invest in relationships with makes a difference. Want to be a better person? Surround yourself with good people. Close friends have the most positive effect on fulfillment (families have only an average effect). Develop relationships with all ages. Always have friends from three generations: the generation below to add freshness and energy, your generation for understanding and companionship, and a generation older for perspective and wisdom.

SHARING

Download this report in full (24 pages, PDF 345KB) here.

I very strongly believe in learning and sharing useful information. This report is highly recommended.

Learn, share and achieve true Happiness, Satisfaction and Fulfillment in your life.

Critical Thinking: Tools For Taking Charge Of Your Professional AndPersonal Life

Critical Thinking is a vital part of development and cognition. Every action is predicated on one's thought process, it's therefore imperative that the thinking itself be healthy and forward-looking.

Critical Thinking: Tools For Taking Charge Of Your Professional And Personal Life, was published in 2002 by the Financial Times Prentice Hall. It's written by Richard Paul and Linda Elder.

At CriticalThinking.org, this book is introduced thus:

You are what you think…
Everything you do in life is determined by the quality of your thinking. If you aren't thinking clearly, you're at the mercy of everyone else-from dishonest politicians to aggressive, stop-at-nothing ad agencies. Unfortunately, many people never give any thought to how they think. No wonder they're susceptible to the frustration, pain, ineffectiveness, and financial loss that result directly from poorly considered thinking. Critical Thinking is about becoming a better thinker in every aspect of your life-as a professional, as a consumer, citizen, friend, parent, and even as a lover.

This book explores the six stages of thinking, and challenges readers to find out what kind of thinker they are. These are:

• Stage 1 The Unreflective Thinker (we are unaware of significant problems in our thinking)
• Stage 2 The Challenged Thinker (we become aware of problems in our thinking)
• Stage 3 The Beginning Thinker (we try to improve, but without regular practice)
• Stage 4 The Practicing Thinker (we recognize the necessity of regular practice)
• Stage 5 The Advanced Thinker (we advance in accordance with our practice)
• Stage 6 The Master Thinker (skilled and insightful thinking becomes second nature)

CONTENTS

Acknowledgment Preface
Ch. 1:    Thinking in a World of Accelerating Change and Intensifying Danger
Ch. 2:    Becoming a Critic of Your Thinking
Ch. 3:    Becoming a Fair-Minded Thinker
Ch. 4:    Self-Understanding
Ch. 5:    The First Four Stages of Development: What Level Thinker are You?
Ch. 6:    The Parts of Thinking
Ch. 7:    The Standards for Thinking
Ch. 8:    Design Your Life
Ch. 9:    The Art of Making Intelligent Decisions
Ch. 10: Taking Charge of Your Irrational Tendencies
Ch. 11:  Monitoring Your Sociocentric Tendencies
Ch. 12:  Developing as an Ethical Reasoner
Ch. 13:  Analyzing and Evaluating Thinking in Corporate and Organizational Life
Ch. 14:  The Power and Limits of Professional Knowledge (And of the Disciplines that Underlie Them)
Ch. 15:  Strategic Thinking Part One
Ch. 16:  Strategic Thinking Part Two
Glossary: A Guide to Critical Thinking Terms and Concepts References

This book is high recommended for anyone who wishes to become better in both their personal and professional lives. It helps you exercise more informed and effective thinking. This will definitely improve your life.

Get Your FREE Copy 
If you need a copy of this book in PDF format, just Email me [info<at>peternjenga<dot>com] and I'll Email you one.

Learn, share and think more critically.

Lost in translation . . .

Guest post by PinkM

Well, Pete honored me by asking me to guest post on here. No idea what wisdom is expected, but I’ll do my best to be me.

A couple of days ago, I did this post on giving and uplifting others in all I do, and a couple of comments prompted this post.

See, we have the tendency to use English translations in relationships, and from my observation, they don’t always hold true. For example:

Giving / Receiving - According to the dictionary definition, these two are opposites right? Well, in relationships, they’re not. People have the tendency to believe that one has to be a giver or a receiver; you cannot be a perennial giver, and a receiver. If one is building themselves into being a giver, it’s taken to mean that that person will not receive. That’s not true.
The opposite of giving is not giving. The opposite of receiving is not receiving.

My saying I want to be ever generous means, I want to move from the position of not giving (all the time), to giving (all the time). Receiving comes in another context. Basically, giving and receiving IMO are not mutually exclusive.

Making Others Shine – Again, the opposite of this isn’t dimming my light. It just means that external approval will cease to be so important to me, and instead, I’ll channel that light onto someone who need it more to build their confidence.
Case in point. You have an important project to deliver, but instead of working on it and taking all the glory (which will mean less time, and more efficiency for the company), you help your junior do the work, and let him take the glory.

IMO, in that case, I haven’t dimmed my light one bit. See, I know I can do it and do it well, but the person beside me needs to learn. He needs to build his confidence in whatever task. He’s still growing.
Letting those beside you take the glory is a sign of growth and security in who you are, and as such, outside affirmation doesn’t mean that much (nose in the air self righteousness)

Character vs Personality – I was watching this episode of Desperate  Housewives that they talk about why you should probably love the rude neighbor who will speak their mind, and not trust so much, the polite neighbor, who has nothing but kind words for you, and nothing else (this was in reference to Susan, the rude neighbor and Orson, the ever so polite guy, who was stealing from everyone).

I get this feeling that society is emphasizing so much on people developing perfect personalities, without advocating for fundamental character issues.
We’re taught to say the right thing, the right words and everything to keep the peace.

As long as you’re 'correct' you’re accepted. Something is fundamentally wrong with that. Let us work on character development and sincerity, and at the end of the day, we’ll be a better people.

The Unexpected Changes Our Lives

"The expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still
The expected is just the beginning
The unexpected is what changes our lives."
- Meredith Grey (in Grey's Anatomy Season 3 Episode 13)

Have you ever had very great expectations, only to have them nipped in the bud at the eleventh hour? Have you ever had something you highly valued and looked forward to taken away right before your eyes?

Well, it happened to me in October 2008 and I now proceed to share the invaluable lesson I learnt and the insight acquired from that experience.

October 3, 2008 wasn't a good day for me at all. I was quite disappointed upon receiving information that something I had been looking forward to all of September would actually not materialize. For a moment, I felt like someone gave me a 'Shattered Dreams' low blow kick like Goldust used to do in the WWE.

Coincidentally, I had watched "Great Expectations", the 13th episode in the 3rd season of Grey's Anatomy, just a week before this incident. Whereas I am not that bad at accepting reality, letting go and moving on, I found it difficult to embrace the fact that the other party (a large, well respected media house) in the aforementioned situation had not bothered to inform me of the change in plans before the due date. Clearly, courtesy was wanting here, but c'est la vie, that's life.

Thinking of the effect many 'great expectations' do have in our lives, I now realize that these expectations can sometimes hold us back and therefore limit our ability to expand our horizons.

We so badly cling to these 'great' expectations that we are blinded from other opportunities that lie ahead of us. To make matters worse, these expectations do cloud our judgment and hamper our ability to face challenges.

The worst that can happen when we just focus on getting what we already expect is that we become myopic and overlook the long term.

Once again, I found a possible solution to problems occasioned by unmet 'great expectations' in Grey's Anatomy. (If you still haven't watched this show, I strongly recommend that you do. It is funny, and full of wisdom).

Consider the following:

GREAT EXPECTATIONS
Words by Meredith Grey

No one believes their life will turn out just 'kind of okay'
We all think we're going to be great
And from the day we decide to (be surgeons)
We are filled, with expectation...
Expectations of the trails we will blaze
The people we will help
The difference we will make
Great expectations of who we will be
Where we will go
And then... we get there.

We all think we're going to be great
And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met
But sometimes, our expectations sell us short
Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison, to the unexpected
You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations
Because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still
The expected is just the beginning
The unexpected is what changes our lives.

- Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy Season 3 Episode 13)

You can watch the entire 'Great Expectations' episode here.

In life, you've got to expect the unexpected. Do not be limited by the familiar. Broaden your view. Cover new ground.

Learn, share and purpose to free yourself from the old, familiar, and 'well known' expectations.
Have the courage to realize that PLAN and REALITY are seldom, if ever, synonymous.

Delayed Gratification. Self Control. Most vital Ingredients for Success

Don't Eat the Marshmallow, yet.

This is a short talk Dr Joachim De Posada gave at the 2009  TED U conference. He underscores the essence of delaying gratification and having self control, character traits which should be grained from an early stage in child development.

In fact, this character trait can be used to predict future success in a person.

Be edified:



Watch the talk, download the video (19.8MB, MP4) and join the discussion at the TED web site.

Learn, share and don't you eat the marshmallow, yet.

Until My Change Comes... I'll wait, Renew my Strength and Keep Holding On

The first episode of the fourth season of Grey's Anatomy is titled 'A Change is Gonna Come'. Following is an excerpt of the episode transcript:

"In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques are created, procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase.
Innovation is everything. Nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change...or we get left behind........"

The above words got me thinking.
Yeah, it's true that we get inspired and hopeful whenever we envision change. We even get motivated when we encounter new people and situations that effect change and thereby enhance our lives.

But what about that transition period? That period of waiting as change happens? What keeps us going at the time?

I found my answer in a song I first listened to ten years ago - 'Until My Change Comes' by Commissioned. It's from the album 'Times and Seasons', which was released in the year 2000.

Consider the following:

UNTIL MY CHANGE COMES
By Commissioned

It's been a long time coming
But a change is gonna come
When the dark clouds pass away
Feel the warmness of the sun
I know that You love me, oh yeah,
I know that you care
I can't wait to be by Your side
In the middle of the air.

CHORUS
Until my change comes
Here's what I'll do
Renew my strength
Keep holding on
I'll wait on You.

(REPEAT)

It ain't gonna be easy
But I'll be strong. Some say if You
Really cared um,
It's wouldn't take so long for You to
Return for me
If with You is where I ought to be
But I'm gonna believe until that day
I will.... until...

CHORUS

BRIDGE

Gotta wait gotta wait on you
That's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna stand still
I just wanna be in your will
Just like David and Goliath
I gotta encourage my soul, yeah
Said I'm gonna stand still
Until um...

CHORUS * CHORUS * CHORUS

The above lyrics and artist names are copyrighted to Commissioned. They appear  here for educational and personal use only.

So back to the Grey's Anatomy transcript...

"Change. we don't like it, we fear it.
But we can't stop it from coming.
We either adapt to change, or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying.
But here's the truth. sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.
And sometimes...oh, sometimes change is good.
Sometimes change is...everything."

Learn, share and be an agent of positive change. Both in your life and those of others.

Who or What Determines, Shapes and Changes Our Character?

"We are each the authors of our own lives...
there is no way to shift the blame,
and no one else to accept the accolades."
- Paul McGill (in A Woman of Substance)

Pathology

Late last year, I watched the movie Pathology. It is a sick thriller in which a group of residents studying pathology devise a lively game: to see which one of them can commit the perfect square murder.

In the movie, Teddy Grey graduates top of his class and joins one of the nation’s most prestigious Pathology programs. On joining a group of elite pathology interns, he begins to uncover secrets he never expected and finds that he has unknowingly become a pawn in their dangerous and secret after-hours game at the morgue of who can commit the perfect undetectable murder.

This is in line with his earlier assertion that human beings are inherently evil, that people are animals who can kill anyone.

Environmental Effects on Character

A fortnight before this, one of my favorite bloggers had written about change. Savvy's question was,

"Who says campus does not corrupt?"
She wrote, "Last year, I used to be up by five almost every morning. This year, I’d be lucky if I can drag myself out of bed before 7am. Obviously, I barely make it for early morning classes.

"Last year, I would have been shocked if I heard stories of students who (smoke) weed, have unprotected sex, get pregnant, abort, use morning after pills on a daily basis and not give a thought to HIV. This year, it doesn’t surprise me anymore." [read more...]

Lost in Character

My favorite TV show LOST, explores this within its mythology. The character and beliefs of John Locke (English philosopher and thinker) are alluded to both in name and character by John Locke. John Locke believed that the mind was a "blank slate" or "tabula rasa".

Essentially, Locke postulated and maintained that people are born without innate ideas - that human beings are born with no built-in mental content, in a word, "blank", and that their entire resource of knowledge is built up gradually from their experiences and sensory perceptions of the outside world.

The Chicken, The Egg and Responsibility

Looking at another source of insight, Ngishili writes on The Chicken, the Egg, and Responsibility. It so happens that in a typical farm,

"each chicken has a specific character that distinguishes it from all the others in the farm. One of those chicken characteristics has to do with the ability to reproduce successfully. The farmer will tell you that some chicken exhibit much responsibility towards the task of parenting while others are extremely careless." "As you can see, the story of responsibility is as old as the story of the chicken and the egg. Whether at your place of work, in personal relationships, in a family or even in a community, life favors always go to the most responsible person."

In life however, we see that many people seek freedom while trying to avoid responsibility. This is wrong, since freedom is responsibility. When you're free, you're automatically responsible for your own future. And the things your freedom lets you do become a manifestation of your character.

Bottom Line

So who or what determines, shapes and even changes character? Is it those we interact with? Is it fate? Do we get to choose to be good or bad, or are we inherently evil?

Now it the time to take a good look at your friends, circumstances, environment and the company you keep. Carefully consider whatever influences you.
Once you identify who or what shapes your character, do the needful and effect the necessary changes.

Let us learn, share and progress together.

Communicate. Build Bridges. Interact with People

"Hope is the bridge that connects you to where you want to go
Faith assures you that the bridge will hold
Love gives you a reason to cross it."

Looking back at the days I was in college, I realize that life at the time accorded us many luxuries we cannot have in adult life.

Consider communication and friends. How often do you wish that you had the time to see someone, attend social events, make courtesy calls, make amends, or meet new people? With limited free time and increasing responsibilities, we often find ourselves alone.

Those we eventually interact with are the people who are a part of our daily lives - our colleagues in the office, neighbors at the estate or the people we fellowship with every Sunday. Yet, we still yearn to communicate.

Having listened to the Gospel album "Bridges: Songs of Unity and Purpose", about five years ago, I now realize how important it is to interact with like minded people and seek purpose in our unity. This album was released in July 1999. Its deep and inspired message however still lingers on. Get more details of this great collaborative music on eBay. This is music worth listening to.

BRIDGES

Some people believe bridges are designed to span chasms and to make possible passage over the impossible. They do span chasms, but more importantly, they encourage communication, making what is inaccessible accessible and what is foreign familiar.

Steel, concrete and wood are materials for bridge building of one kind. But introduction, familiarity and co-operation are building blocks for the human bridge.

Make familiar the foreign and encourage communication.

Remember if I were you and you were me, and if I am not afraid to touch your hand, you will reach for mine, we can stand together, stay together and even soar together as the raven and the dove.

And where there is desire, prayer and belief, all things are possible.

- PAUL WRIGHT (The Album 'Bridges' by various Gospel artists)

Now, go out there and start communicating. You may be surprised to find that those you need to communicate and bridge gaps with the most are the ones closest to you.
Communicate, and share the above words with your friends. You now believe and are inspired. Then do something about it.

Let us learn, share and grow together, in unity and purpose.

Objectivity, Self Righteousness and exiting The Moral Matrix: Jonathan Haidt's TED Talk

TED Talks

I have lately been on a TED Talks binge, both on The Walkabout and on the Green Initiatives blog. I cannot seem to get enough of these talks. They truly are ideas worth sharing. So, today I present one of my top favorite TED Talks.

Jonathan Haidt

On 20th March, I wrote about Jonathan Haidt's book, The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, after watching him on TED.

In this TED Talk, Jonathan Haidt talks about ideology and openness to experience. He discusses moral psychology, and outlines the moral roots of, and major differences between liberals and conservatives.

Watch the talk, read comments and download the video on the TED web site.

Key highlights:

• People who are higher on openness to experience just crave novelty, variety, diversity, new ideas, travel.
  People low on it like things that are familiar, that are safe and dependable.

• "Open individuals have an affinity for liberal, progressive, left-wing political views, whereas closed inviduals prefer conservative, traditional, right wing views"
  - McCrae

• When people all share values, when people all share morals, they become a team, and once you engage the psychology of teams, it shuts down open minded thinking.

• The first draft of the moral mind.
  "The initial organization of the brain does not rely that much on experience... Nature provides a first draft, which experience then revises... 'Built in' does not mean unmalleable; it means organized in advance of experience."
  - Marcus

• The Five Foundations of Morality
  1. Harm/Care
  2. Fairness/Reciprocity
  3. Ingroup/Loyalty
  4. Authority/Respect
  5. Purity/Sanctity

• The truth of social entropy is that "Order tends to decay."

• Traditional authority and morality can be quite repressive and restrictive to those at the bottom, to women and to people that don't fit in.

• Liberals speak for the weak and oppressed; they want change and justice, even at the risk of chaos.

• Conservatives speak for institutions and traditions; want order even if at cost to those at the bottom.

• "The restraints on men, as well as their liberties, are to be reckoned among their rights"
  - Edmund Burke

• "If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against.
  The struggle between "for" and "against" is the mind's worst disease."
  - Sent-ts'an

• Our Righteous Minds were designed to...
  1. unite us into teams
  2. divide us against other teams
  3. blind us to the truth

Let us learn, share and purpose to be objective, by cultivating moral humility, acknowledging and respecting the differing opinions of others.

Giving the Best We Have - 'Life's Mirror' by Madeline Bridges

UPDATE: Thanks Catressa for the correction on crediting the right Madeline Bridges.

Over a decade ago, I stumbled upon the first stanza of the following poem by Madeline Bridges, né Mary Ainge De Vere. She was an American poet who was born in 1844 and died in 1920.
Here are some of her poems.



That alone changed my life. It has been a principal source of motivation as I continually seek to do good in my life. To do unto others what I'd like them do unto me. To live and let live.

Following is the entire poem. Be edified:

LIFE'S MIRROR

There are loyal hearts, there are spirits brave,
There are souls that are pure and true,
Then give to the world the best you have,
And the best will come back to you.

Give love, and love to your life will flow,
A strength in your utmost need,
Have faith, and a score of hearts will show
Their faith in your word and deed.

Give truth, and your gift will be paid in kind;
And honor will honor meet;
And a smile that is sweet will surely find
A smile that is just as sweet.

Give pity and sorrow to those who mourn,
You will gather in flowers again
The scattered seeds from your thoughts outborne
Though the sowing seemed but vain.

For life is the mirror of king and slave,
'Tis just what we are and do;
Then give to the world the best you have,
And the best will come back to you.

- Madeline Bridges

The above poem says it all. Honestly, there's nothing to add to Madeline's words.

Let us learn, share and purpose to always give the best.